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how to be your authentic self

When you present an inauthentic version of yourself (either consciously or unconsciously), you attract people who resonate with that version. Major problem! Living as a faux version of yourself isn’t sustainable, especially for your spiritual well-being.

Here’s a much better plan: discovering and unleashing your authentic self. 

If that sounds daunting, do not stress. I’ll share spiritual tools that can help you unearth that real and amazing version of you. 

In this Big Talk episode of Dear Gabby, I chat with my friend Jen Gottlieb, a Broadway actress-turned-author of the new book BE SEEN: Find Your Voice. Build Your Brand. Live Your Dream.

Jen bravely shares how presenting a false image to the world of who she was led to disconnection and dissatisfaction—until she reversed course. 

in this episode you’ll learn:

  • A super-effective way to release negative self-perceptions
  • How to use “wonder walks” as a tool for personal growth
  • The biggest dating mistake Jen (and many people!) make
  •  The #1 key to building your own authentic brand

To be seen in the world, you first have to see yourself. 

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free manifesting meditation to attract your desires

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  • Jen Gottlieb, powerhouse entrepreneur and international speaker, is host of the I Dare You podcast and co-founder of Super Connector Media, an award-winning training, events and online education company.
    In her highly anticipated debut book, BE SEEN, Jen delivers tactical, proven methods that have helped more than 30,000 individuals redefine their brand, businesses and lives to create more financial independence and impact the world with their message. Tackling everything from how to finally see yourself, to building confidence, to harnessing the Law of Attraction, BE SEEN is your inspiring roadmap to stop hiding and start being seen for your magical uniqueness.
disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #173 Oct 30, 2023 purpose

the success secret that no one talks about

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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

GABBY: Hi there, Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I'm not a psychologist or a medical doctor, and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

My friends, my friends, my friends, if I had a bell or an alarm, I would ring it now. I would ring it loud so that you don't miss it. Hear me, people. This is it. We are counting down to the end of the early member pricing offer for my Gabby coaching membership.

Listen up, here's the deal. If you sign up for my Gabby coaching membership today, which is really just a free, seven-day trial. You can check it out, try it, see if it's for you. Then, at the end of that seven days, you can decide to stay or you can decide to go. But if you decide to stay, this is where you lock in the best member pricing.

This is the early member pricing. It's going to be gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. So, if you've been thinking about the Gabby Coaching Membership and you've been wanting my all-access to quarterly challenges and wanting access to weekly coaching. If you've wanted 200 of my best meditations and manifesting practices, journal prompts, on-demand access to my best motivational talks, and a special feature that I love called Get Gabby.

It's like having me on speed dial. Feeling anxious? You can Get Gabby. Can't sleep? Get Gabby. If you've been thinking about this, if you've been wanting this, if you've been talking about maybe taking the trial, this is literally the absolute best time to do it.

Go to deargabby.com/app. And the reason that this is the best time, this is the absolute best time. so you try it for seven days free. And if you love it, you can lock in the best member rate. It will be locked in forever, as long as you're a member and it's not going to come back. This is it.

We wanted to welcome in our early members, the people who have been hanging out in my world. If you're listening to this podcast and you want to get more Gabby, this is the way.

Think of me as your personal coach. It's a coaching membership all inside an awesome slick app platform. And it's literally like having me as your personal coach all year. Well, go to deargabby.com/app.

Hey there, welcome to Dear Gabby. I'm your host Gabby Bernstein. And if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you're ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let's get started.

GABBY: Welcome back to Dear Gabby, my friends. Welcome back to this show today. This is a big one today. So I'm in the studio with my super beautiful friend, Jen Gottlieb. She is beautiful on the inside and out. She has such high vibes. Get ready for this. Not only is she a motivational speaker and author, but she is just an amazing all-around human being.

I love her so deeply. And this guest is someone who bravely allowed me to actually give her the title for her book. If you know me, and you've been to my bestseller masterclass, or you've been around the block with me, you know I am the queen of gifting people with book titles.

So here we are. Of course, we talked about her book. Her book is called Be Seen. It is out right now. And her real beauty in this big talk is that she's incredibly deep and personal, and she just shares her personal journey of self-discovery and how she's been able to overcome insecurities and manifest her desires.

And so, if you're out there and you're one of those people that's kind of like scrolling your Instagram and just seeing how many people are liking that page or really obsessing about what you posted or really nervous that people didn't take you in, this is your show.

This is a show on how to be seen, how to be seen by being seen by yourself first. And this episode is filled with incredible greatness. I encourage you to listen. I love it so much. I love Jen so much.

Go check out the book, Be Seen, and enjoy the show.

GABBY: This passage I just read on the back cover of your new book is possibly a really powerful way to introduce this conversation. Okay, so here we go. Do you feel like you're hiding in the shadows and not living up to your true potential? Do you lack the confidence to show the world who you really are and build a business that you really want?

Do you want to stop comparing yourself to other people on social media and start feeling empowered in your own personal journey? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then this is the conversation you want to listen to.

And this is our moment. I have a lot of experience witnessing women, in particular in this field of maybe being a coach or in the wellness space or wanting to step out with an entrepreneurial venture or even folks just wanting to have a greater voice in the work that they do.

And I've witnessed so many people in that space shy away, hide, struggle. I want to use the word struggle, struggle with being seen and struggle majorly with comparisonitis, right? I don't; I didn't coin that phrase. My friend Melissa coined that phrase, but comparing, we've got people that feel almost like debilitated by social media.

And what happens in my eyes is I constantly witness this, and I see people that have such great content, such important messages, such beautiful treasured gifts to share, but they either block it or they fake it. Right?

JEN: Yeah.

GABBY: Like they do what's supposed to be cool online or whatever. And I think that right now, we're all the media.

Everyone is the media, no matter what you do and where you are in the world. We all have a voice. We all have a platform. And the question really is how are we going to use it and how are we going to use it in an authentic way? So that not only we can carry a message powerfully, but how we can truly be seen.

Because it's so interesting, when I used to run my Spirit Junkie Masterclasses, which was these trainings for women in pretty much your demographic, right? Coaches that wanted to really be in the spiritual space, that really wanted to be seen. The core pain point was that they felt this desire to be seen, and they didn't know how to get there.

JEN: Yeah.

GABBY: And here we are!

JEN: Here we are!

GABBY: That's why I was like, you gotta come on the show, girlfriend.

JEN: I'm so excited!

GABBY: I got your listeners out there!

JEN: Yes! Yeah!

GABBY: So, what does it mean to you to authentically be seen?

JEN: Hmm. Well, being seen, I think people think about the end version of being seen, right? The social media, being out there, being in the media, having your face on the cover of a book and being seen.

But really, before you can do that, you gotta figure out who you really are so you can give yourself permission to actually be seen as that person. Because like you just said, so many people are out there being seen as how they think they should be seen.

GABBY: Yes.

JEN: But when you do that, there's a huge disconnect, and you start to have, this happened to me back in my past when I was on VH1 for five years.

I was having an internal battle with myself because I was showing up as this person that wasn't really me. When you do that, you attract an audience of people who like this version of you that's not really you. And then you're at odds. And then what's the frequency that you're putting out there? It's like, this isn't me.

I'm lying to the world. I'm attracting all these people that don't resonate with really who I am. And then you're just living a lie. But when you can break that down, and you can just understand that you can see you for who you really are and then allow the world to see that, that's when everything starts to happen.

Everything.

GABBY: I think that you've nailed it. Right? Because I was actually talking to somebody yesterday at a, I was just like at a lunch, and I was talking to him about how I was an actress and BFA in theater school and how I was just like not a good actress at 18 years old. Although I think I'd be an amazing actress now.

And he said, well, why, what's the difference? And I said, well, I didn't understand when I was 18 that acting isn't pretending. It's being. And that goes for all creation and being seen as an actor or a speaker or a human in the world who's making a statement in any form. It's not about acting. It's not about pretending.

It's about being. And I just, I love that that's the core message of this book, Be Seen. And also, I had a little bit to do with this title.

JEN: Just a little.

GABBY: Just like a little bit to do with this title. Was it that you said it, or you said it out loud in a sentence? I don't remember. Where were you? You were like, this is the title I want.

And I was like, no, this has to be it.

JEN: It was a different title. They bought the proposal with a different title. It was the title of my company. Remember, it was Super Connector, which is the name of my company. And I remember I was telling my assistant in the car, I was like, Gabby totally named this book because you were like, that's not the name of your book.

I'm like, you're right. It's not the name of my book because that. It was inauthentic to me, actually, and to my message. And so this is actually all a lesson, too, in me being seen as well. Because you were like, that is not who you really are.

GABBY: Even when you said it, I remember being like, no, Jen, like, that's just not, and I was like, oh, it's kind of just, your demo is similar to mine.

I was like, super attractor, super connector, like, no, no, no. And then I think it comes out, I love naming baby books. I love; I’m like literally a baby namer for books.

JEN: You named it.

GABBY: No, 100%. It was 100 percent me.

I think you said it. Like you were like, I really, my audience really wants to be seen. And I was like, that's your book title. And that's how it always happens because it comes out of us naturally when we really get into the core message.

JEN: For sure. And now we have Be Seen. And it's the fact that… and you wrote the foreword. Thank you so much.

GABBY: Yeah, of course. My God.

JEN: But when I was thinking of who do I want to write the foreword for this book, I thought of someone that exemplifies this in the best possible way.

And I remember, I think I texted you and I said that. I was like, nobody does this better than you. And there's a whole section in the book where I talk about, it's your responsibility to be seen. Because many people are scared to put themselves out there because of perfectionism and comparisonitis, what you talked about.

Like seeing everybody else on the internet doing it and they're like, you know what, they've already done it. I can't do it or it's not perfect. I can't put myself out there. But, what I share with these people is if you have a service or a story or a product that helps people and you can change people's lives or you can do something for somebody that they need it, if you're not making yourself visible to them.

And you're just being rude. And you're being selfish. And it's your responsibility to be seen.

GABBY: Yeah. I would always say to my students, you know, it's your responsibility to carry your message with the world. And in order to do that, we have to be seen. Not everybody wants to be seen on a video, or they don't necessarily want to be seen on a stage, but they still feel that they want their work to be seen, or they want their voice to be heard, or they want their name in print, or whatever that is.

Does the same advice in the book apply to those folks as well?

JEN: A hundred percent. Okay. Let's just say you're in your family. You want your family and your loved ones, and the people in your community to see you for who you really are. And you want to be able to see the life that you desire. And in order to do that, you have to show up as who you really are and allow them to see you.

Because everything starts to happen that way. There's so many people listening, including myself, talking to you right now, that if you didn't make yourself visible in all the ways that you did. And leading up, even before you were this big name in the space and before you were doing videos and stages and all of that, just making your work seen, even in small rooms, it's a snowball effect that happens when you start to be visible.

And because of that, so many people have created things like books as a result of you being seen. I wouldn't be sitting here if you didn't make yourself visible to me because you've helped me so much in my journey. So, if everyone that's listening right now that is a fan of Gabby Bernstein, imagine if she didn't make herself visible.

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GABBY: In the speaking space, we have this thing that we say where it's you go first.

JEN: Yeah.

GABBY: So by getting on the stage and bravely going first, saying X, Y, Z, my sobriety, trauma, speaking truth—it gives people permission to recognize their own truth. So I just appreciate the… Yes, it's nice to have the confidence to be seen and the confidence to step onto a stage and make an impact.

But the, the biggest part is to help people recognize themselves in you. And you can't have that unless you're in your own authentic, grounded state. And so, what would be some of your methods, and there's a lot in this book, for checking in with yourself? Am I in my authentic self or am I not? And how would you decipher that and really exercise that in your own life personally?

JEN: So I do these things called wonder walks. I gave them a name because I've been doing them for so long, and I'm like, Oh, I'm going to go for a... And I wanted to give it a name. And I was like, it's just a magical walk that I go on with myself. And this is how I tap in. And I do it, I actually use this to manifest, or I use it to tap into who I really am when I start to forget.

Because listen, we all start to go off on the wrong path every once in a while. I'm like, who the hell am I? Wait, I need to tap back into real Jen. And so I do these walks. And I used to do them without realizing what I was doing. And I would, when I was single, I don't know, it was like seven, eight years ago, when I was trying to manifest my love and my business and my job and everything that I wanted.

On Saturday night, I would take the subway all the way down here, downtown. I lived on the Upper West Side. And all my friends would be out hanging out partying and I'd be like, nah, I'm good. I'm going on a date with myself. And I'd put my headphones in and I'd walk from downtown West Village all the way to the Upper West Side with my headphones in, listening to, and this is when I wanted to tap into like, who are you really, Jenny?

Because I had lost myself for a while. And I'd listen to like, The Little Mermaid. And, and Annie, and all the songs that I listened to when I was a little girl. And I would listen to them, and I would feel the feelings of like, real Jen, the real core of who I really am, like little me, who didn't care if my belly was hanging out, or if my hair was a mess, or if someone was judging me.

I would sing and dance on every table, and I'd be like, everybody look at me, and I was so seen as exactly who I was, I didn't care yet. The conditioning didn't happen yet. Yeah. So I would walk and listen to Under the Sea, and no one in New York cares if you're like talking to yourself or no, no one cares, and tap back into real Jen.

And then I would feel that and I, it's called setting the scene in the book. And sense all those feelings and embody that person. And I would just take a walk as that person. I would practice being real Jen and that would follow me for at least the rest of the week where I would tap back and, Oh, she wouldn't do it this way. She would do it this way.

And the more that you practice being your most authentic self, we get good at what we practice, right? The better we get. And then I stopped caring what other people think. And I tap back into who that girl is at her core, little Jenny.

GABBY: Wow. What you're saying is extremely profound because it's, it's, yes, it's a manifesting technique, right?

You're feeling into the feeling, and you're remembering, and you're cultivating it in the walk. So the physicality, the emotion of listening to the music, the repetitive thinking, it's a reprogramming. So that's all manifesting. But what you're also saying, which I don't know if you've even realized, is extremely psychological and therapeutic and almost neural reconditioning, right?

Because what's happening is when you tap back into that innocence. You're returning to yourself as it says in IFS, self with a capital S and self is the youthful, creative, confident, calm, connected, committed part of you, the courageous part of you.

What it really is, it taps you back into the innocence of our childhood before we became burdened. And you used a different word you said before the programming.

JEN: Conditioned.

GABBY: The conditioning. Yeah. Yeah. And listen, I think that sometimes we, people may not have the ability to sort of go right into that.

JEN: Yep.

GABBY: But the fact that you did is excellent. It's just extraordinary because you're tapping into that innocence, and that innocence is exactly what makes a great speaker a great speaker. It's what makes a friend the most fun friend in the room. Because they're, they're joyful, and they're innocent.

JEN: Mmm. I love that.

Yeah, I talk about like quiet confidence. I think that quiet confidence definitely comes from just knowing that you're enough exactly as you are. And the more that you can tap into being seen as, call it real Jen, because I was not real Jen for a very long time. And then I found her again, and every time I could tap back into, Oh, what would real Jen do? The girl that didn't care.

And I would start being that person I trusted and knew that I didn't need anything from the outside. I didn't need to be anybody that anybody else needed me to be in a room. So when I used to have to go into a room and be like, see me, see me, see me, see me, you know, pay attention to me. What do I need to do for you to pay attention to me?

Now I can just, I don't even need to talk to anybody. Like the most confident people are the people that can walk into a room and just have that knowing. And they're cool with who they are and what they've got going on and like that I feel like, is the key to manifesting as well because you're just being what you want to attract in that moment.

GABBY: Oh yeah, I think there's a lot of people out there manifesting. in fake ways the same way trying to be seen in fake ways or proclaiming what they want to desire in [fake ways because the universe, just like people is picking up the vibration. And so someone's putting out a vibration like I am this and in a way that doesn't resonate with what they believe they are, it's not resonant.

And so what's the energy behind it is what's being picked up way more than the words. Now, words help us reclaim new energy, but It has to really be an internal shakeup, I believe, to get back to the core and the center of who we are.

Now, one thing I want to say, though, is people listening, and they're going to be like, well, Jen, you're gorgeous. You've been on stage forever. Making this up to me, they're just projecting onto you, right? You've been this amazing, motivational speaker. You have the best outfits online.

Like, that's what I think. And just really putting that. on you and saying, well, like, what the f do you know about being crippled by fear or insecurity or blah blah blah, right?

And so, maybe it hasn't been as big a struggle for you as others, but what would you say to that audience member, who I know is in your audience looking and wanting more of what you have. What do you want to say to them?

JEN: Yeah. First of all, I know what it, it might look a certain way. And like you just said, projecting for sure.

Where I am right now, first of all, it's not where I still want to be. So we're still getting there. But second of all, it was from a lot of practice. Having to tap into who am I really, because what a lot of people don't see, and if you back scroll on the internet and you go and you do your Google research, you will see that there is a much different Jen that was out there for a really long time.

And I was on this show on VH1 called That Metal Show, it was about heavy metal music. So cool.

GABBY: Do you know a lot about metal?

JEN: Nothing.

GABBY: Oh.

JEN: Yeah.

GABBY: You're like a talking head for metal.

JEN: I was a talking head for metal.

GABBY: That's disappointing because my husband loves metal.

JEN: Does he?

GABBY: Yeah. Yeah.

JEN: He probably knows the show then.

Probably used to watch the show. So the thing is, is I was an actress and I was on a Broadway national tour before I got this gig and I came home and I got this audition for this heavy metal talk show on VH1. I'm like, great, I'm going to book this role. I was just in the Wedding Singer national tour, and I played Linda, who was like this rocker chick.

This is perfect. I got this. Here's the ironic part of this story. When I auditioned for this heavy metal talk show, I knew nothing about heavy metal. So the night before, I spent the entire night becoming metal girl, like researching, googling trying to be the person that I needed to be a good little actress to get this role. I walk into the audition, and there's like real metal girls in the waiting room.

GABBY: Oh, wow.

JEN: They've got like leg tattoos and they're like real metal girls.

I'm not a real metal girl. I'm like my metal shirt is from Bloomingdale's, you know, like one of those fake rocker t-shirts. I was totally like there as a faker and I think other people could probably sense it, and I walked into the room knowing that. Because when you're faking it, you know it. It's just not real.

It's not authentic. It wasn't me. And you can actually watch my audition online because it's on the internet on YouTube. And I go in, and I forget everything that I memorized. Like I didn't remember any of the bands. I didn't remember anything. And at the bottom of my resume, it says that I do a great Britney Spears impersonation.

And I forgot that I put that on there. Like I was like, this is that, that would not be on brand for a heavy metal audition. And the producers are like, Oh, I see that you do a Britney impersonation. And I'm like, Yes, but no, like this is not going in the right direction. Like, can you do it for us? And I was like, screw it.

I didn't get this. So I'm just going to be real Jen now. I'm just going to be real Jen. And I let go of trying to be metal Jen, and I sing like Britney Spears, and they all start laughing. And I got the job.

GABBY: Yeah. Can you sing? Like Britney now.

JEN: I knew you were gonna ask me that if I told that story! I only do this for besties.

GABBY: Okay. And all of my listeners?

JEN: Yes. If you're a Gabby listener, you're a bestie.

GABBY: Okay. Okay, Britney. Want to come back to Britney? Like when you feel more centered in Britney?

JEN: I can do Britney.

GABBY: She can do it. She can do it right now. Let's see Britney. Let's go.

JEN: Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know?

GABBY: I can do Cartman. But I gotta save my voice today. Okay, Cartman.

JEN: There you go! That was good!

GABBY: I can't do it right now because he destroys my voice. Like, he literally destroys my best impersonation. That's really good. Yeah, man. Yes! Look at Wolf. Wolf's laughing his f-ing ass off.

Yeah. Cartman's my thing. But I actually think that's a fabulous, fabulous tip. It's like, find that f-ed-up thing that you do well and just do more of that, because I would always tell people, if you're going on a date, if you're like, goofy, be f-ing goofy. Right?

JEN: Yes! They said to me, they called me, they're like, we know you don't really know that much about metal music.

But we can see ourselves hanging out with you on set.

GABBY: That's it. You're fun. Yeah.

JEN: Because it was me. I wasn't trying to be anything else. And so I got this job. This is the ironic part. I got the job being real Jen, like being me, like doing Britney Spears, like being goofy. And then when I got the job, I was like, crap, now I really have to become this person, and I have to keep this up.

And before I know it, five years later, I've built this brand and have all these fans of people that think that I'm this metal girl and I'm not. And that was when everything got really out of alignment. It's funny. The lesson was there in the beginning, and then I lost it.

GABBY: Yeah.

JEN: And when that show got canceled, and I was in a relationship at the time that ended pretty much at the exact same time, and I lost everything.

And that was when I was left with, who the hell am I? Where did I go? What am I going to do? And I had no confidence at that point because I lost myself. And the process of getting to this moment, sitting here with you, has been like everything that I teach in that book of building the confidence back up.

So if you look on the internet like, oh yeah, you got it all together, Jen. That was a long time coming. So if you're sitting there and you're like, I don't know who I am. I have to figure it out. I want to be seen, but I don't know how. There is so much hope for you. You're in the right place.

If you're listening to this right now, that means that you're on your way.

GABBY: And it's the small steps forward because if we try to just be seen overnight, that's when it really fails because that's when you see those folks on the internet just pushing. I like that phrase, like being thirsty, right? It's kind of like the best way to describe it.

I have compassion for the thirstiness, right? Because it means like, see me, see me, see me, see me. It's when you don't give a f**k that you are truly seen. So how do you get to the place where you don't give a f**k? One of these is just like one step at a time. That's it, right? Just one step at a time. And, and I think opening a book like this it starts to give you some of those tools and those methods and this way of thinking.

I think the absolute best thing you said just now, so, so gorgeous is what would real Jen do? And asking yourself, like the listeners right now could be like, what would real so insert your name here? Do? Yeah. Real Gabby would do a Cartman impression on a date. Real Gabby, that's literally what my husband finds most attractive about me is my Cartman impression.

JEN: I love it.

GABBY: And he's like so mad that I don't do it all the time. And I'm like, I speak for a living. I can't f up my voice. But truly, I think that being who we are, and I've often said too that people would interview me and they'd say, Oh, are you so proud of who you've become? I'd say I haven't become anyone.

I've become more me.

JEN: Yes!

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JEN: So recently I started, I don't know if you've seen this yet, but for the past, I think it's been now like six months. I go live on Instagram every day while I put my makeup on.

GABBY: Yeah. You're hardcore.

JEN: I did that as reps to practice. Like, I was like, all right, I'm going to be an athlete in this being seen thing.

GABBY: Cool.

JEN: And this is going to be unbelievably uncomfortable for me, and I definitely don't want to do it. But here's the cool thing. It was kind of an experiment. And I did this experiment thinking, what's going to happen if I start to go live every day with no makeup on my face? And just like, whatever. Like, if you saw me this morning, I didn't even know what the hell I was saying.

I was delirious out of my mind. So it was right when I woke up in the morning. And just being... real. Having real conversations. And as scary as it was and how bad it was in the beginning and how bad it is sometimes always, I've built real, true connections not only with the people that are watching, so your audience if you're wanting to be seen and build an audience if that's you, but also just with being cool with just being me. And not caring.

GABBY: Mm hmm. That's a nice point. It's like practicing with the people that you feel safe with.

JEN: Yeah.

GABBY: So you in your state, you know, you feel safe with your community online, but somebody else might feel safe like, you know what? I love how I am when I'm with my friends and I don't have that much comfort when I'm on a date, but what if I was just the way I am with my friends when I'm on the date and you have this spiritual proof of what it's like to be you.

And then carrying that into your world is the whole thing.

JEN: Yeah. And the more we practice, the better we get at it, right? It's scary. It's nerve-wracking. The first time you do it, it might not be great. It might be like, oh man, I was not my real self on that date. I was so nervous. But the more that you actually embody that person and experience life as that person, the better that you're going to get, just like practicing a sport or practicing writing or practicing anything.

So it's like doing those wonder walks, tapping in, getting familiar with who you really are. Maybe like listening to a Dear Gabby podcast right before you go out on your date.

GABBY: A hundred percent! Excuse me, going to your Gabby coaching app. I have literally a Get Gabby moment in my coaching app where you can, you're like about to go on a date or do a talk or whatever, or like lead a meeting.

You need some confidence boost. You can press a button.

JEN: That's it.

GABBY: It's like having me on speed dial. Oh my God. Go download your free 7 day trial. Right now! Right now! Go get your 7 day free trial.

JEN: It's your pre-show ritual for being your real self.

GABBY: So if you're in the app or you don't have the app, go download a 7 day free trial.

JEN: I'm so grateful you did that.

GABBY: Yeah, yeah, you know, I think that That's another example of a small action you just made, right? It's like listening to Dear Gabby. I saw a girl at the nail salon, she's like, Oh, I was just listening to Dear Gabby because I have a job interview later. It's like, duh, you know, listen to teachers or music, like you said, or podcasts that bring you back to you.

Let's go a little deeper with this. Okay. So, so much of being seen. is being seen by ourselves first. What does that mean to you?

JEN: If you can't see yourself for who you truly are and accept yourself and love yourself, I know that that's like easier said than done sometimes for sure and that you've helped me so much with that and I know you help a lot of your listeners with that.

But if you can't do that, then how is anybody going to see you that way? And a great example, I love that we're talking about dating because you know, if you go on a date, and I, I did this for years before I met my husband, with that energy of like, pick me, what do I need to be for you to like me?

And you're just like, whatever you need me to be, I'll be that person. That was just basically telling someone like, I don't love myself for who I am, I need to be somebody else for you to see me as however you need to see me as. And when you do that, you attract a relationship that's not going to be the relationship for you.

So in order to attract the person that loves you for you, you need to be able to show that person you. And in order to do that, you need to see you. You need to see yourself in the mirror as the, like, if you were to, this is, this is what changed before I met my husband. I talk about it a lot in the book, is I finally started actually enjoying myself for who I was and loving myself the way that I would love my partner.

And I walked into meeting my husband. This was like the first.

GABBY: Who I love. He's a real great man.

JEN: He's the best. Chris is the best. When I went to meet him for the first time, I did a lot of work before I went to go actually see him. And I didn't even know if it was a date. I thought it was like a business meetup.

I didn't even know. But I had like this weird feeling. I was like, I just want to show up to this like really on point, like really Jen. And I was wearing workout clothes. I had like no makeup on. I had my hair up. I didn't care because I was looking in the mirror and I was like, finally at this place. And it took a long time for me to get there.

A lot of practice, a lot of reps, a lot of putting the work in. And I was like, I'm gonna just be me and trust that I see me and I love myself enough that it doesn't matter what he thinks. And that was what changed.

GABBY: Yeah. Yeah. He loves you for you. That's right. That's for sure. I can share a similar story.

So I write about this in one of my books. I write a story about how my husband and I were together for two years and I was really just trying to be what I thought he wanted. And I resented him for it and I kept thinking like, Oh, he's doesn't like me or he's not interested in me. Like, no, dude was just dealing with his own life, not loving his job or whatever it was, or feeling misaligned.

And I was just like constantly trying to get him, get him, get him. And then finally I broke up with him. I was like, you know what? This isn't really working for me. I'm just going to let this go. In the time that we were apart for about nine months, we hung out. We were friends. And I was totally me.

JEN: Yes!

GABBY: I was just finally being cool. And that's when he really fell in love with me.And I think vice versa. Because I wasn't trying to make him somebody else. And I wasn't trying to pretend like I was somebody else, really. So it was a miracle. And I think that that's the core message of this episode.

It's like, figure out what is it that you love most about you. Who are the people, what are the situations in your life that generate the you-ness? You know, generate the authenticity in you and exercise more of that energy in other places.

JEN: Yeah, and it's it's developing that courage to encourage and confidence is developed over time by just like sticking to those commitments and doing it and proving yourself after you've done it like when you were just like Gabby on your not dates but dates with your husband and him seeing you for you and just falling madly in love with you.

That was like a reminder probably again. That was like a coin in the confidence bank, right? Like, oh, yes when I'm that way things work.

GABBY: That's right. Yeah. Beautiful.

JEN: Yeah, and that's what it's about.

GABBY: Any last messages from the book that you feel like we need people to know this and this is what I want people to walk away with or anything you want to share.

JEN: Well, at the end of the book, I tell my most favorite story.

It's about my dad. So when I was little, back to Jenny listening to Little Mermaid and Annie and all of that, he used to just videotape me like all day. I would sing and dance in the living room and this was when I was just real Jen, like being seen. I don't care. There's so many videos of me like pushing my brother out of the way and just wanting me to be the star of the show.

My dad would video me. And growing up, I was a performer and an actress and he was my biggest fan. And we used to perform our high school shows in a hallway because we didn't have a theater yet in the school that I was at. And so he would sit on the floor in the hallway and like videotape me and watch me do my shows.

And at the end of those shows, he would always come up to me. And he'd be like, going from hallway to Broadway, Jenny, I know it, you're going from hallway to Broadway. And he's always been my biggest fan. So over time, right, I was an actress, but I ended up not being an actress anymore. I lost my show. I lost the relationship that I was in.

I had to start over and I started to become an entrepreneur. And he asked me at that time, he's, are you sure you want to quit acting? I thought that was like what you always wanted to do. Are you sure? And I'm like, dad, believe me, I'm going to end up on a stage again. I don't know how. I don't know how, but that's what, that's who I am and that's where I'll end up.

So don't worry about me. And over that time, my dad actually was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and so he can't travel to New York. So when I became a motivational speaker and actually was living in what the universe had in store for me the whole time, he only could watch via Instagram social media.

He could never come see me speak. So I actually got a chance to speak in Fort Lauderdale where he lives and he got to come see me in real time in person. He was like, it was actually in this big casino and he walks to the cane. Now he's like, I'm going to walk through that whole casino with my cane to see you and sit in the front row and watch my girl on stage.

And I got to speak in front of all these real estate professionals. So I was not reading lines or singing songs like he used to see me, but speaking to people. And I had all these real estate professionals standing up meditating and he's sitting there crying his eyes out in the front row right now. And we get in the car and we're on our way back home.

And he looks at me. And he's like, Jenny, this is what it was all for. This is what it was all for. And it was just such an unbelievable moment because all the dots connected. All the shit that I went through during that time. And my dad was there through all of it. Like seeing me, like, losing the show, losing the boyfriend.

Like all the different jobs that I had. Figuring it all out and not knowing who I was. But then seeing me on that stage and being like, oh my gosh, they all connect. So if you're listening, my message is... If you don't know where you are right now, you don't see it yet, you're not being seen as who you truly are, you might not be able to see it just yet, but just keep going and when you look backwards, you'll be able to see it.

GABBY: I think it's actually such a beautiful testament to what you're teaching and that you are indeed the expert to teach this because by sharing that story, you weren't just telling a story. You're reliving a moment and I just like, was like, oh, her dad loves her so much and I visualized you walking through the casino with her dad and his cane.

And I'm just like, and I see him in the front row crying. And I think that to be seen, we also have to accept that we are raconteurs. That we are here to tell stories. We're here to transform through our stories, but it can't be just reciting the story. It has to be reliving the story. And you are such a powerful, beautiful example of that.

JEN: Thank you, Gabby.

GABBY: That's why you're such a great speaker, and now you're sharing these gifts with us. Thank you so much. It's so gorgeous. I'm so proud of you.

JEN: Thank you for having me. Thank you for writing the foreword. Thank you for being seen so that I could be here.

GABBY: I'm so excited to be able to say to all these people in my world, you know, are you ready for that big, loving kick in the ass?

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you're truly committed to miracles. I'm really proud of you. If you wanna get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode.

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