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how to tell the truth from a place of love

Let’s be real: People lie all the time. We lie to our friends, our family members, our partners and our bosses. According to a study by the University of Massachusetts, 60% of people can’t go 10 minutes without lying.

So why do we do it? We lie to protect people’s feelings, to cover up a mistake, to avoid making a scene, or maybe because we want the lie to be true. But no matter how common it is, being lied to is frustrating and it often breaks the bond of trust. 

I’m reminded of this powerful quote from storyteller Dorothy Allison:

Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.

– Dorothy Allison

It’s not possible to build a solid life on a foundation of lies. But it IS possible to learn to speak your truth without hurting others. Speaking your mind isn’t about getting in people’s faces and challenging them; it’s about expressing what you think in a vulnerable, transparent way. It’s about being real, not “winning.”

It’s also about saving everyone’s time. Telling the truth prevents stress while simplifying communication.

Every minute counts in our day. And we don’t want to waste time on the lies, or on sugarcoating or overriding ourselves. We need to just get to the point.

gabby

If you’re eager to learn how to tell the truth and be your most authentic self, then you need to check out the latest episode of Dear Gabby!

I’ll provide real-life examples of how to stop shelving your truth and start advocating for yourself in a loving and respectful way. Learning how to tell the truth can be scary and challenging, but speaking up for yourself will help you live a purpose-driven life of fulfillment. 

Your voice and opinions matter. Nobody else knows what it’s like to be your unique self. You have your own independent and important thoughts—and they deserve to be shared!

​​Here are the 7 steps to telling the truth that I share in today’s Dear Gabby:

Step 1

notice where and when you are not telling the truth

Are there places in your life where a lack of truth-telling is blocking you?

Step 2

notice how it is affecting you

Recognize the impact that behavior has on you and the problems it might be creating in your life. Remember, clarity is kind! When you’re not clear, you’re just creating more chaos.

Step 3

give yourself permission to tell the truth

Acknowledge that it’s okay to have a voice. It’s actually MORE than okay—it’s great and extremely helpful!

Step 4

say a prayer

Prayer offers you a way to reorient yourself. It allows you to pause, slow your voice down, and then pivot back to being a heart-centered truth-teller.

Step 5

write it out

Writing down your truth is a meaningful and effective way to process your feelings. It gives you the ability to clarify, it motivates you and it promotes self-reflection. You can become more aligned with your truth through writing, meditation and visualization.

Step 6

practice telling the truth (where and when you can)

Take that story you’ve written down and practice it in your inner world first. This could be with close friends, loved ones or coworkers with whom you feel safe. This will be especially helpful for folks who have peacekeeping or codependent tendencies.

Step 7

just do it!

You can’t begin a new behavior without taking a small step toward it. So take that tiny action! Or be like me and start telling the truth in every area of your life. I’m like Larry David, with slightly better boundaries—I’m just saying sh*t everywhere! It may feel a little ridiculous at first, but it’s also so freeing and empowering.

take these steps with you—even just one

Notice right now the ways that you might be avoiding the truth to keep the peace or not being clear, not telling people exactly what’s up, or whatever it might be, and just check in with it and how it feels and how it’s affecting your life. Even that, it’s enough for today.

key takeaways from this episode:

  • This episode is going to teach you how to apply these 7 steps to be an effective self-advocate. 
  • You’ll learn how to tell the truth in a constructive way that isn’t aggressive or alarming.
  • I discuss how sugarcoating or trying to lessen the blow only ends up making things more complicated. When we don’t tell the truth, we often feel worse because we have dismissed ourselves and our needs.
  • You’ll learn that if you speak your truth from a place that is resourced, grounded, aligned and respectful, you can have a really big impact—and also save yourself a ton of time.
  • And finally, I remind listeners that telling the truth from a place of love is a boundary way of living. When we do it, we can watch our lives and relationships literally transform. It’s so much more kind to be clear. And it’s also super cool!
listen now

weekly card reading: 

This week I pulled a card from my Spirit Junkie deck, and it’s the perfect affirmation to guide us to share our inner truth. 

The more I honor my inner light, the more I brighten the world. I choose to shine.

This week’s card reading highlights your inner light, which is your guiding and enlightening force. This force shines through when you’re at peace with yourself. If you’re not honoring your truth by respecting yourself and creating healthy boundaries, your most authentic self won’t be able to shine through.

​​Knowing your boundaries and how to tell the truth means knowing yourself, your needs and your capacity. Skillfully and lovingly speaking your truth will provide healing experiences, protect your peace and strengthen your relationships.

Your thoughts can also help other people develop their opinions. You might offer them a perspective they’ve never considered before! Maybe they’ll agree with you and maybe they won’t, but you should always be proud of your story and your ability to tell the truth. When you do, your mind, body and spirit will thank you. 

I encourage you to make the time to claim your truth and honor your inner spark in whatever form they come to you, right here, right now. Walk your path, shine your light and leave a spark so others can shine too. One light feeds another. Don’t let the gift of your voice go to waste.

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disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #143 Jun 12, 2023 relationships

7 ways to speak up for yourself and claim your power in relationships

Listen on:

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Hi there, Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I'm not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

Okay, people. Listen up, listen up! I have some really exciting news to share with you today—some of the most exciting news ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever.

For years, everywhere I went, people have been asking me—whether I’m in a bathroom or after a live talk or I just meet somebody on the street that’s a reader of mine—they’ve asked me, “Gabby, do you do personal coaching? Can you coach me?” Dot, dot, dot.

And I always have to say, “No, I don’t do personal coaching. I’m not a personal coach anymore. That’s something I did almost twenty years ago and it’s where I started my career but I don’t do it now.” But I wanted to coach everybody. I wanted to be there to just show up for you, coach you, give you direction—on a weekly basis, on a daily basis, on a moment-to-moment basis.

So that is why…drumroll, please! I have created the Gabby Coaching App! Yes, my friend. Do not fall off your seat. It is so exciting, so exciting, so exciting. So, for the first time ever you can have me as your coach anytime, anywhere. It’s pretty exciting! I’m so excited.

Here’s the deal, my team and I are currently in the very final stages of testing the Gabby Coaching App to make sure that when it’s ready, it is absolutely perfection for you. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

So that’s why I’m letting you in on this little secret right now. We are opening a waitlist today. So you can be the first to know when the Gabby Coaching App is ready and you can be the first to download it.

And my friends, I am so incredibly proud of the Gabby Coaching App. We took our time to make sure it’s really, really beautiful, lovingly-designed, really supporting you technologically and through the content. I’m just so happy you’ll have access to this coaching and all of these practices.

There’s gonna be meditations. There’s Get Gabby moments so that no matter what’s happening in your life, you can just press a button and I’m there for you. You can have all of your weekly coaching lessons. If you’re a Miracle Member, this is exciting. The Gabby Coaching App is taking over the Miracle Membership.

So if you’re a Miracle Member, you don’t need to get on the waitlist. You’re just gonna get dropped right into the Gabby Coaching App. So I’m literally taking out all the guesswork and giving you clear direction. I’m gonna give you access to my most effective lessons and practices.

You can head over right now to deargabby.com/waitlist to get on the waitlist for the Gabby Coaching App. So you can expect weekly lessons, daily affirmations, high vibe meditations, a journal prompt. Oh my god. Just so much content. And that’s not all, people.

You’re gonna have access to 100+ meditations, 100s of hours of workshops and motivational talks. And on top of that, every three months I’m going to guide you through one of my quarterly challenges to jumpstart new habits.

You’ve got the manifesting challenge coming up in January and you get that as part of the Gabby Coaching App. And my friends, I’ve saved the best for last. The feature I’m most excited about is called Get Gabby.

This is a brand new feature where you’ll have quick access to my most effective meditations and exercises for immediate relief on-the-go. So whether you’re feeling super activated or anxious or you’re struggling to make an important decision or you’re struggling to fall asleep or you’re about to go on a date and need Gabby, I’ve got you covered!

It’s like literally having me on speed dial and can get Gabby whenever you need me. So please, if you’re thinking, oh my god that’s the best thing ever, get on the waitlist today cuz then you’ll be the first to know about the Gabby Coaching App. You’re gonna be the first to know about the founder member pricing. There’s gonna be special pricing for our early members.

So go to deargabby.com/waitlist. Get psyched for what’s to come! Be the first to know when this is released to the world. It is coming, baby! Yay!

Hey there. Welcome to Dear Gabby. I'm your host Gabby Bernstein, and if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you're ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let's get started.

GABBY: Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to Dear Gabby. We are in my home studio today. Josh is at the beach. He's sitting outside with me.

I just randomly, guys, pulled this man into the show with me today because I literally just said, I want to talk about truth telling. I want to talk about how to tell the truth and not be an asshole. We've talked about this in the past. But this is a topic I think we need to keep iterating upon.

So let's first just say hi to Josh. He's sitting in his backyard.

JOSH: Hello.

GABBY: Hello. I'm going to just treat this like we're talking, we're chatting, and I'm just giving you Gabby's guidance as if I'm your coach in your backyard.

JOSH: I love that.

GABBY: I'm the coach in your backyard. All right. Well, here we are. Now, Josh, let me ask you this. Do you have trouble telling the truth when it comes to what you need or whatnot?

JOSH: I’m a very straightforward person, however, sometimes if I get too nervous about something or I'm in fear of an answer, I tend to waver and I circumlocute, like I'll talk my way around something sometimes. I don't know if it's not telling the truth.

GABBY: Yeah. And I guess this is a topic based on not just being honest and truthful, that's part of it, but speaking up for what we need.

How to speak up for what we need and to do it in a way that isn't aggressive, isn't alarming, doesn't have an agenda. But it's just coming forward with some truth.

I’ve been doing this everywhere lately where I've had these opportunities to either make something sound better for somebody or come out with it. I had a creative project that I had to do and I really don't like the creative person that usually is assigned to these projects.

Not that I don't like the person, I just don't like the work. And sometimes it really takes me out and makes a huge drama and it takes our team out and it's just a big nightmare. And so rather than being like, you know, I don't. I don't, you know, I really don't want to work with this person or, just like getting into it or just being okay, I'll deal with it and overriding myself.

I wrote this really professional, clear, truthful email that was like, I would like to proceed like this. It is the most efficient way for me to work. And it feels like the clearest path forward, explaining why, but also not sugarcoating it.

And damn did that feel good.

And guess what? The partners responded and they're like, that sounds great. Thank you for your clarity. [laughs]

Like literally responding to me. Thank you for your clarity. And so, when we are in these situations where we have the opportunity to kind of sugarcoat it, we really want to check ourselves. Was there a time recently where you might've sugarcoated something, Josh?

JOSH: Yeah, no, for sure. I, in fact. in my relationship with my husband. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't want to get him to be mad at me. So I'll try and soften the blow unintentionally. I think it's more out of habit, but yes, for sure.

GABBY: And let me ask you this. He knows you're doing that, right?

JOSH: Oh my God, he calls me out immediately because he's the exact opposite, right? He's very much what you see, what you get, and he is straight to the point. and I don't know if this is part of it, but I tend to hold on to things then. He says it, and it's done, and we don't ever have to revisit.

GABBY: Should Carl be leading this podcast right now?

JOSH: Probably.

GABBY: Should get him on here. So I think I know what it is that's been helping me tell the truth. Your example is actually one of mine, which is like. Same issues over and over again with my husband where I'll be trying to lighten the blow, like you said, and it is always worse, he'll always come back and be like, What are you talking about?

And he knows that that's just me trying to manage the situation, instead of just coming straight out with it. And you know, people always say like, Oh, the truth can hurt. Yeah, truth can hurt sometimes. But if you say your truth from a place that is resourced and grounded and aligned and loving, you can have a real big impact and you can also save yourself a ton of time.

And you can, save the person a lot of time and you can just diffuse what would have been a big drama and instead just get to the point. And so back to the time thing. I mean, I really just don't think we have time anymore. I mean, I see it in my own life when I say time, like we all have big things to do in this world right now, whether it's parenting, whether it's the work that we do, whether it's just day to day getting up in the morning.

Maybe you're going through personal growth and you're getting sober or you're going through a divorce and every minute counts in our day. And we want to really not waste time on the lies or the sugar coating or the overriding ourselves. We need to just get to the point.

We also need to give ourselves the promise of creating healthier boundaries with ourself with others. And those boundaries are something that we've talked a lot about on this podcast. People love the topic of boundaries. And so, telling the truth from a place of love is a boundaried way of living.

I also think that for me, I've been sober now at this point, we were recording this episode it's been 17 and a half years of my sobriety. And I can say that one of the things that getting sober really gets you honest, and it puts you in this seat of really not feeling comfortable being anything but a truth teller.

Now, with that said, I still lived for many years up until very recently with the habit of see kind of being like, let's say it like this so it sounds better. You've seen me do it, Josh. Like we have to let somebody down and we'll be like, oh, let's say it like this. So it makes them feel better.

No, F that. Moving on. We gotta get to the truth and the reason I wanted to talk about this today is I've been exercising this so much in my life in the last five days, particularly, where I'm just all over the place being like, that really doesn't work for me.

And as long as there's no agenda, sometimes if I'm telling the truth from a triggered and activated place, I have to recognize that, breathe, slow down my voice, slow down my words, get back to center, pause, and then pivot back into a heart-centered truth teller.

So I want to give the path to telling the truth. What do you think about that? Do you think that's a good topic for us today, Josh?

JOSH: I think it's a really important topic because one, I think for our own lives it's really important. But I also think on the converse side, Gabby, looking out as all of this information is now coming into our world.

And, we've talked about this with Chat GPT and all of the information that's coming. Like how do we determine and discern? The truth. So I think it's actually not a good topic. I think it's a great topic and essential.

GABBY: Oh yeah. I mean, how do we determine and discern the truth?

Look what just happened yesterday. I guess there was some, image of the Pentagon that was on fire. And then it totally messed up the stock market. And it's like, we are here. It is robot time people. And we are now in a situation where the world is going to be revealing a lot of things in our media landscape that may not be real.

And we've talked about this also from the standpoint of gurus. We have a whole episode on guru culture and why and how messed up it is. And that thinking of following someone who is not in alignment with what they teach.

It's not just about our own practice of telling the truth. But it's also becoming more discerning of the information that we're receiving, and also aligning with teachers, friends, partners that want to be in a shared conversation of truth with you. Because we can't just be dancing around right now.

We got to get to the point.

[AD BREAK]

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[END AD BREAK]

GABBY: So let's start with you, listener. Let's start with how you can come to a conversation with more truth. So first let's recognize that not telling the truth causes a lot more drama than than we want, right?

Like Josh said, if he doesn't tell Carl something, if he tries to sugarcoat something, even though he's being honest, he tries to sugarcoat something, it's going to just take a lot of time, a lot of energy.

It's going to piss off his husband. And he's gonna be in this place of just trying to then backpedal and I can raise my hand and say, yes, that happens to me too.

If we don't tell the truth, we feel often worse because we haven't taken care of ourselves. So when I leave a conversation where I'm really sugarcoating something for somebody, this happens maybe with someone that works for me and I really be really nice, I walk away and I'm like, Gabby, I didn't get to actually say the thing I really needed to say and that's not helping them.

It's not helping me get what I want. It's not helping them do what they want, which is to do the best job, right? So that truth telling is necessary. We also want more truth telling now because we can recognize that there's going to be a lot less of this in this world, and we need to really show up for that in our own world to keep the balance.

I think there's a lot of other reasons and promises for telling the truth. I think it just feels good. I think it feels empowering. For some folks who are, who may identify as codependent, this could be a really big triggering thing because the codependent nature is to be the peacemaker and somebody in my talk last week was talking about how they had to go along to get along.

And that's a big one. Go along to get along. Like, somebody might be acting a certain way and you're just like, Oh yeah, that's okay. I'm just going to go along with that attitude problem that you have just because I want to get along. That's not the truth. I think a lot of people, a lot of our listeners deal with codependency and deal with people pleasing.

And so, that's a practice that you have, Josh, is like, do you ever go along to get along, Josh? Is that familiar?

JOSH: I do. I, that's really familiar. And that's something I'm working very hard at changing.

GABBY: Hmm. Okay. I think when you go along to get along, you're just pissed at yourself later, right? You're just, or maybe more resentful at other people too.

JOSH: For me, it's a combination of both, I know what that sensation in my body feels like when I'm not being truthful and I'm just trying to make the peace and keep the lid on it and it, that does not feel good to me at all anymore.

GABBY: No, it doesn't feel good to me either. Alright, so no more go along to get along.

And let's give ourselves permission to tell the truth. Now, I want to talk to those people pleasers and codependents out there. Just jumping into telling the truth might be really freaky for you. It might feel really, really overwhelming. There might be parts of you that codependent part of you is like, I can't tell the truth.

I have to make sure I'm taking care of everybody else. So you could try this out in more of a gentle way. Maybe you do it with someone you're really close to that you trust. Maybe you do it through email or text at first because it feels safer. And you can try this out in your life without overriding the protector parts inside of you that really may be holding on to those patterns and people pleasing to feel safe.

I don't want people to push themselves too far into a new pattern if you don't indeed feel ready yet. So always track with me, but also track with yourself, your own internal system.

Check in. Is this an episode I should come back to after I read Happy Days? You know, like, where am I at in this conversation?

I don't know if I necessarily always have to just jump in right away. And I think that's a very generous way to show up for this. So I would say first and foremost, notice how your lack of clarity, lack of truth telling is blocking you, how it's affecting you in your own life. And Josh has been very vocal about it.

I've been sharing some of my stories. Just notice that in your own life. That's the first step. And then the second step is to really notice how that makes you feel about yourself and others. When we start to see the impact that our behavior has on us, it can make a really, really big difference in our desire to really make change.

So what is the impact? What's the impact on you? How is it affecting you? How is it affecting your relationships? What is it making you show up with on a day to day basis? What's the energy that you're showing up with on a day to day basis? And then give yourself permission to tell the truth.

So many of us, like I said, the people pleasers and the folks who are codependent and the folks who are just trying to keep the peace. You haven't even given yourself permission to be a truth teller.

So I think that giving yourself permission to tell the truth is just acknowledging that it's okay. It's okay for me to have a voice. It's okay. It's actually good. It's helpful.

I think the clarity is kind is a phrase that I like to throw around here. Clarity is kind. Because when we're not clear, then we're creating more chaos; people intuitively know that we're not being honest with them. We're wasting time, we're wasting other people's time, and on and on and on and on.

So we all know the problem. So clarity is kind. So you have those first three steps, you know, notice the places where you're not telling the truth, notice how it's affecting you. And then the third step here is give yourself permission to tell the truth. I would say the fourth step is to say a prayer.

Because whenever we attempt new behavior or new patterns that don't align with how we've been living, it's overwhelming, it's alarming. And so, we want to get back into our resourced, centered adult self before we tell the truth. And so prayer often can be the catalyst to that centered self with a capital S, to that part of us that's really resourced and can really speak as an adult, not as a child.

And so that prayer could be as simple as, thank you, inner wisdom for helping me align with my truth. Thank you, inner wisdom, for helping me align with my truth. And then you might want to write it out first, that could be a fifth step.

You might want to write it out, write out what you want to say. Oftentimes a lot of truth telling these days is going to come through text and come through DM and come through email anyway, so you could just write it out to edit it and look at it, but write it out, see how it feels in your body. How does that truth feel in your body?

Practice telling the truth with folks. This could be step six. Practice telling the truth with folks in your life, like close friends, loved ones, co workers that you feel safe with. And I would say number seven is just do it because you can't necessarily begin a new behavior without taking a small action towards it.

And so we can feel very paralyzed and stuck at times when we want to change our patterns.

When I say to you, Josh, Okay, just start telling the truth to Carl all day, just come out with it or tell the truth to me. We work together. You do a lot of personal growth work. So like it may be like, yeah, that's okay, Gabby.

But is there a part of you that's I'm not quite ready for that yet?

JOSH: Yeah. I mean, that does make me nervous. Cause I am the poster child of people pleaser. So, yeah, I know that my initial reaction is like, Oh my God, how am I going to do that?

But I also know the feeling of doing it, if that makes sense, like I know both sides of it and I know that and it, comes back to things that we've talked about in terms of the protector parts, and that's where for me, I think my question maybe is, what is that protector part actually protecting me from?

GABBY: So if you're a people pleaser, and I say to you, just do it, step seven, just do it, go out and tell the truth, that part of you that pleases, or that part of you that has a belief system, like if I'm not keeping the peace, or if I'm not caring for everybody else, I'm not good enough, right?

That part of you can get super scared. And that part of you that's a people pleaser, that part of you that is a codependent, often it's protecting you from a younger feeling, a very young exiled part that's maybe somewhere along the way learned that if I'm not helping everyone or keeping the peace that I'm bad.

That I'm inadequate that I'm not lovable that I'm not good enough. And so, there's a whole other episode we need to do on that and we will but I think it's really that's why I wanted to call that out and really acknowledge that some of us might be ready for this and some of us might not be.

And so, if you're somebody who's like I'm not really ready to tell the truth because I'm such a peacekeeper and I just it's too jarring for my system. Maybe writing it out is the action.

Maybe you don't share it, but you just write it out. Or you write out the whole story, like you're writing a little movie script. This would be great for you. And you see yourself in the room, and you see yourself showing up and telling the truth in a situation where you otherwise wouldn't.

And maybe you take that story that you've written and then you meditate with it and you visualize it. Because sometimes, the change we want to create isn't something that should happen necessarily in the world first. Sometimes it can be really valuable to have it happen in our inner world. So we give ourselves those moments of reflection and pause and we write about it and we visualize it and we meditate on it.

Trust that that actually is an action towards creating it. So if that last step is do it, take the action, it could be that like me, you want to just start just telling the truth everywhere. I'm literally Larry David with a little bit better boundaries.

I'm just saying s**t everywhere, it's a little bit ridiculous, but it's also really empowering and if you could see me right now in the studio, my hands are in the air and my heart is open and it just feels so good.

But I will tell you that you can actually create the momentum around being more of a truth teller by just writing it out, meditating on it, visualizing it.

And then you'll notice, if you do that for about 30 days, you'll notice that some time will go by and you'll start to see maybe I'm not sugarcoating things as much. Or maybe I can send that email to that person being a little bit more direct. Or I remember what Gabby said. She said clarity is kind, and that felt really good when I heard that.

And so maybe I'll just be a little bit more clear. Because sometimes truth telling is just being more clear. Just being more explicit about what it is that you want, and what you want to say, and how you want to show up, but sometimes that's all it takes. Sometimes that's just all it takes.

We'll recap the steps in the show notes but so much of this is about noticing the places in the areas of your life where you're not telling the truth, seeing how that affects you, noticing how it affects other people, really just checking in with... What are the problems that that's creating in your life, right?

Really looking closely at that. And then giving yourself permission to tell the truth, people. Permission to tell the truth. And taking an action on it that may feel safe, whatever action that might be.

So maybe it's meditating on truth, maybe it's writing it out, maybe it's visualizing it. And maybe like me, you're just Larry David the s**t out of it and you just tell the truth. Oh my God, it's like a superpower. And I think it does come with age too. Like, you know how old ladies and old, the old men would just be like F it?

And they just say whatever they want. My grandmother was so good at that. She'd be like, Gabby, honey, you look like you gained a little weight since the last time I saw you.

I just made my grandmother so much more ridiculous than she actually sounded. So yeah, they might come at you with some truth you don't want to tell or you wouldn't want to hear. The other thing I like is, in the 12 steps they say, tell the truth when it won't harm another person.

And that's a beautiful message, which is make amends, tell the truth, be honest. But also know that in some cases that truth could harm. So maybe don't walk around telling people they look like they gained weight, right? But you do tell the truth in the ways that it's going to be supportive to you and your internal system.

Oh my God, this topic is so loaded with lots of energy and I think that people might be like, Gabby, I don't want to tell the truth. And so here's the promise. Being in clarity, speaking up for yourself, honoring your needs, speaking with conviction, respecting your values, getting what you want, are all the promises of being in that truth.

When we override it, we block a lot of energy, we block a lot of flow. We stop ourselves from the ability to have more time in our life, more joy in our life. So start telling the truth in whatever form that comes, right here, right now. Leave a review. Tell me the truth. If you love it, you love it.

If you don't love it, you don't love it. That's a great practice, right here, right now. I'm giving you full permission to tell me the truth about how you feel about this episode, welcoming it.

And that might be actually how you do practice. Maybe you just leave honest reviews with your name attached to it, right?

Because it's very easy to be truthful when you're anonymous. There's a lot of folks out there being real truthful and real nasty with being anonymous, but maybe there's a practice of just writing an honest review with your name on it, right? Or just being in what you feel and what you need.

I just think it's a practice. I think like anything, it's a practice. It's muscle memory. But most importantly, we want to address how it feels. We talked a lot about people pleasing on this episode, and I want to make sure that we really bring it as a podcast episode in the future.

So I'm tasking that to Josh and saying let's make sure that we get this topic of people pleasing out there because I think it's a big one. We need it. I think it's a really big one. So, my friends, take these steps with you, just even one of those steps.

Just even noticing right now the ways that you might be just avoiding the truth to keep the peace or whatever it might be, and not being clear, not telling people exactly what's up, and just check in with it and check in with how it feels with you and how it's affecting your life.

Even that is enough for today. Anything else you want to leave there? Any questions, Josh? Any burning desires?

JOSH: No, I think it's so constructive and so helpful and tangible tools. You know, I love it and it gives me the strength and courage to go even further with my own personal work on this because it's really important and I know how it can really hold me back.

GABBY: Okay, cool. So what lesson of this, of the seven steps would be the most resonant for you? Because I think that's actually a nice thing too, just choose one would be helpful.

JOSH: Well, I think the message overall of clarity is kind is my personal takeaway, because oftentimes I feel like in that people pleasing moment, I'm trying to protect this other person as well.

That's not really my job, and it's much kinder to just be as straightforward as I can.

GABBY: I think that's such a beautiful place to close. We nurture our relationships more when we're clear. It's more respectful to be clear. Clarity is the most loving response. It's also super cool.

You know you see somebody, they're just sitting in the seat of their truth and you're like, oh, you know, dot, dot, dot, and the person's like, you know what, I'm so sorry, I can't do that. It's just not something I can do. But I am so happy to support you in other ways. You know, or that's actually not the thing I'm into, but thank you for suggesting it.

I think about my kid, you know? It's just so easy for him to be like, no shanks. No shanks, mommy. Just not my vibe, mommy, literally, not my vibe. So let's do it. Let's nurture that. Wow, people. This is such a great topic. I hope this serves you. And just commit right now to doing one of these steps.

If you want to tell the truth in the comments and the reviews, go for it. If you want to just claim it right now in the review, go to the reviews and say, Gabby, this episode was helpful and I'm going to claim step whatever, I'm going to do the clarity is kind, or I'm going to give myself permission to tell the truth, or I'm going to take a small action.

I'm going to visualize it or meditate on it. All of these practices are going to really support you. And we have a free manifesting meditation that I think would be really supportive for you if you want to manifest being a greater truth teller.

So if you want to meditate and you want me to help you visualize a different way of being, just head over to DearGabby.com/freemeditations. We'll put the link in the show notes, but that's DearGabby.com/freemeditations. Use that meditation, it's totally free. It will serve you in really visualizing this new way of being that you want to step into.

That's DearGabby.com/freemeditations. I love you guys. Thank you for being part of this conversation. Thank you for sticking around to the end. If you're someone who stuck around to the end, you are in the pursuit of telling the truth in the world and you are someone who's committed to being real.

I want you to really pat yourself on the back and commit to taking one small action. Let me know what that is in the reviews. Just leave me a little review. Let me know how you like the show. Even if you didn't, tell the truth, and give me a little heads up on what it is that you're going to do.

I'll shout you out in a future episode. So and so said that they're going to take action on their dream and they're going to start to really speak for their truth or give themselves permission to tell the truth, whatever it might be. Just be forthcoming with me. I want to hear about it. I love this show.

I love you guys. I can't wait to connect with you on our next episode. Enjoy that free meditation.

DearGabby.com/freemeditations. Happy truth telling. Thanks, Josh.

JOSH: Thank you.

GABBY: Bye everybody.

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you're truly committed to miracles. I'm really proud of you. If you wanna get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode.

Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience at this show means a lot to me, so I really wanna welcome you to leave an honest review and you can follow me on social media at @GabbyBernstein.

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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.