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Today’s episode was epic for me. I was having a rough day and then I picked a card from The Universe Has Your Back deck and it could not have been more appropriate: “I choose to learn through love.” Wow. That message came through loud and clear. And it was the message that both my guests and I needed to hear. We all have the ability to shift our perspective and choose to see obstacles as opportunities to lean into love.

Think of it this way: Life is a classroom, the Universe is your teacher, and the people and experiences in your life are spiritual assignments.

We can ask ourselves, “What can I learn from this?” “How can I grow through this experience?”

When we commit to learning through the lens of love, we move closer to the peace, freedom, and joy that we all deserve.

In this episode you’ll learn:

  • How to change your perspective by asking, “what can I learn from this?”
  • How to see obstacles as detours in the right direction.
  • How to avoid spiritually bypassing.
  • How to recognize when your ego flares up and see it as an opportunity to strengthen your connection to love.
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disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #209 Jun 03, 2024 manifesting

how to see obstacles as opportunities

[00:00:00] Speaker: The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi there, Gaby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor, and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

Hey there, welcome to Dear Gabby. I'm your host, Gabby Bernstein, and if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you're ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams.[00:01:00] 

Welcome back, my friends. Welcome back to Dear Gaby. Welcome back. 

[00:01:05] Speaker 3: It's so good to have you here. I hope you feel my love for you coming through this audio. I love you. I love you. 

[00:01:11] Speaker: Today is an epic episode. It's not only one of my favorite topics, but it's also one of the most important lessons that I teach.

And it all emerged from a card that I picked from My Universe Has Your Back card deck. These beautiful cards with affirmations from the book. And the card was just the absolute perfect message that needed to be heard in this moment. And it's plain and simple. I choose to see through the lens of love. So just imagine how different your life would be if you, in every moment, How you were able to look at difficult circumstances and not override them, but choose to find the learning, choose to find the grace, choose to find the opportunity for [00:02:00] newness, even in the difficult moments and difficult circumstances.

And that's what today's episode is all about. I want to teach you how to. Create a pivot in the moment. And sometimes that pivot isn't to say, oh, I'm in a deep despair and now I feel excellent, that's BS, but the pivot can be simple. It can be, all right, well, I'm going to look at this despair and just become curious about it, or I'm going to look at this painful experience and be open to possibilities for growth.

And this is an episode that's going to help you reprogram the way that you perceive yourself, perceive your life. Perceive your belief systems that have held you back for a really long time. And so get ready for a potential quantum shift. If you listen all the way through the end, I can kind of throw out that there's a potential quantum shift here.

Let today's episode really spark you, really open your heart to what's possible. and to the shifts in our energy [00:03:00] that are available to us. And if this sparks you and this conversation really sparks your interest and gets you into a place where you're like, I kind of want more of that Gabby, train me more in that way of thinking.

Then I welcome you to try out my Gabby coaching app where I can be your coach in your pocket. anywhere, anytime. There's hundreds of meditations, workshops, talks. So if this is something that you think will serve you, just try it out for free for seven days. Head over to deargabby.com/app. I love you guys.

Stick around to the end because, you know, a quantum shift is available to you. Welcome back to Dear Gabby, this is a day, I'm excited to see what happens today because I'm having a day, you know, those moments in life when you just feel a little rocked upside down and the universe is saying to me, are you really going to practice what you preach today?

And it's [00:04:00] great because I always believe that to teach is to learn. And whenever I'm struggling, one of the greatest things I can do is be of service to others because it gets me out of my own way and helps me just kind of get over my own stuff so that I can one, remind myself what I need to hear through the expression of serving and supporting you, but also to just get back to basics, really trust what I believe in.

The lesson that I need to embrace today is that obstacles are detours in the right direction, which was a podcast that we did. It was a whole episode. I probably should go back and listen to it myself because you know, you always have to tell yourself again and again and again until you really land it for your own experience.

But yeah, obstacles are detours in the right direction. And that, that episode will help serve me today. And if you're struggling with something right now, as we open up this new episode. And you're feeling like, Oh, I, I'm upset that things aren't going the way I want [00:05:00] them to, or my plan was disrupted, or my timeline isn't the way that I think it should be.

Go back and listen to that episode, Obstacles or Detours, in the right direction and thank me later. And I will promise all of you that I will go listen to my own episode and give myself a little Dear Gabby. All right, so here we go. We have the opportunity now to pick a card. This is a card from my deck, The Universe Has Your Back.

All these affirmations are from my books and they come through as beautiful prayers and ways of affirming how we want to feel. So today's theme based on the is going to be, I choose to learn through love. What a nice one. Let me riff on that. I choose to learn through love. When we lean into that belief system of I choose to learn through love, then we can face our uncomfortable relationships with the [00:06:00] attitude of love.

Okay. What can I learn from this so that I can return to love? We can face our uncomfortable situations where things don't go our way with the attitude of, okay, I can learn from this. What is the loving lesson for me? We can show up for all kinds of moments of discomfort with the attitude of how can I learn through love?

Now take that in for a moment. If you're going through something difficult in your own life and you're struggling and you feel a sense of anger or frustration or you want to lean into the negative, ask yourself right now, how can I learn from this situation and learn through the lens of love? How can I learn and how can I learn through the lens of love?

And what we are learning ultimately is. Whatever the lesson may be for us, I always like to say that the universe is our [00:07:00] classroom. People are our assignments. Every single day we wake up and we go to school. We go to the school, the spiritual school that is our life. And that spiritual school that is our life is constantly revealing to us more opportunities to get closer to love.

I actually believe from a metaphysical perspective, that's why we're here, that we come into these bodies in these ways at this time. to learn, to relearn, to learn again and relearn again, the lessons of love, the lessons of love, meaning the lessons of spirit, the lessons of God, the lessons of that inner wisdom, inspiration and truth.

We have so many different reasons that we detour into fear. We try to control, we try to make things happen our way. We try to force things into being, we try to force people into being a certain way. We feel like a victim and all of the belief systems that we build up against love start to become the barriers and the blocks to that presence of freedom and our ability to [00:08:00] manifest and our ability to attract what we want.

And the real gig, of being a human, a human recognizing our spiritual essence. The gig here is that it's our job every single day to wake up and say, okay, what lessons would you have me learn so that I can get closer to love? And if we make the commitment today to choose to learn through our experiences and to learn through the lens of love rather than the lens of fear, then we can get closer to the truth of who we are, which is that love.

That presence of peace, that presence of trust, that presence of faith, that presence of allowing, that presence of inner peace, that presence of relaxation. And I just have to say, this is probably the perfect card for me today because I got on late. My team was calling me. Are you okay? Where are you?

Because I was upset about something that wasn't going my way and I felt like I interfered by accident and I made a mistake and it wasn't even my mistake, but I'm blaming myself and I was [00:09:00] going down. The lens of fear. It was going down the storyline of, oh, you messed up or this could have been different, or you could have done this better.

And the truth is, is none of that is true. The truth is, is that I now have this moment in time to decide that this situation that may not be as I expected actually is of the highest good, actually is an opportunity for me to trust more, is an opportunity to put my faith in the universe and not my faith in my agenda, and it's an opportunity for me to get even more faithful as to what the universe has in store for me rather than my own plan.

And that is me choosing to lean and learn through the lens of love. So if I can do it today, you can do it too. That's our message. That is our gorgeous message. I want you to consider me your spiritual coach here every Monday on Dear Gabby, and then just know that there's more. There's always more. All right, team, bring [00:10:00] on our first guest.


Who do we have here first? Who is that? Hey, baby. Annie. How you doing?

[00:10:05] Speaker 5: I'm so great. It's so nice to talk with you. This is said a hundred times. I just felt like I was going to be picked today, and I've been on this since the beginning. So. What's your name, honey? Annie. As far as the card today, I have found I'm super into doing good things for myself and almost to the fact where I wonder sometimes if I use self help and spiritual practices as a distract self to where I, I can bypass maybe how I really feel.

And so I just wonder sometimes, and it also was a coping mechanism back in the day where like I just wouldn't feel things to get over things. And so I struggled bordering that line of being optimistic and looking past it and ignoring the type of pain or maybe the mood I'm in. And how do you balance, I guess my question is, how do you stay optimistic and do the good things without maybe bypassing the moments [00:11:00] where You need to feel pain, feel the pain because that's something like I will.

I am a pro at being optimistic and doing anything good for myself versus maybe sitting with it. And how do you balance that in your spiritual practice? And I have had those moments, but balancing that optimism with. realistic, like what's going on inside of me and what needs to be felt versus like, no, I'm in a great do this.

[00:11:25] Speaker: great question, Annie. All right. So Annie, you're talking about something that's such an important message that has to come through on this show. It's spiritual bypassing. And You're saying I'm really good at finding my positive affirmation or leaning towards love and I'm really good at going in the positive direction, but what about those moments when I actually need to feel my pain and suffering?

And is that part of this? And I don't even think you're asking the question. I think you're very aware, Annie, that you are gotten quite good at overriding your feelings [00:12:00] with spiritual practices and personal growth. Very common. Something that we need to address here because it does come up more often than not, that people will maybe get off the negative patterns.

Like maybe they put down the drink and the drug, or they, you know, stop a pattern that was overly addictive, but then they become almost addicted to their spiritual practice. And in many cases, it could just be that they use their spiritual practice as another form. of running, another way of actually avoiding the deep rooted conditions that need to be surfaced so that they can heal.

So here's the answer. The way that we can lean towards love and learn through love but not override our true feelings is by Allowing ourselves the freedom to feel what's up, but still staying in that open hearted perspective of, I'm here to learn something. Because even when we show up for a difficult [00:13:00] situation, and we allow ourselves to feel that discomfort, if we can feel it through the lens of, okay, what would you have me learn from this?

Then we are still staying in that growth perspective. We're still choosing to learn through love, but we're not overriding the full expression of what it is that needs to come through the full. Discharge of the emotion because you don't want to truncate those emotions because then they just really just build up like a pressure cooker.

And we're saying, okay, it's actually okay to be upset right now. And it's, it's so funny, Annie, that this is just your question because right before the show, I was on a front call with my very close friend, Marianne DeMarco. She'll be on the show, Marianne, the medium. She's been really helping me and I'm on the phone with her.

And she just said to me, no gap, you've had a really positive attitude. And if you're having like an obstacle right now, that's setting back your plans and you're upset about it. Let yourself be upset about it. She was like, [00:14:00] you're human. And I was like, you know, Mary, I just want to see that there's like an opportunity and this obstacle and that, you know, there's something good.

She's like, okay, fine. That sounds nice. But what about the fact that you're human and you're having an experience that's upsetting to you and you just want to feel it and you want to be mad and you want to blame somebody and you want to just be pissed off about it. And I was like, what? Okay. So it's really about the balance between allowing yourself to go there, to feel the discomfort, to be frustrated, to be upset, to expose your feelings, to give voice to your negative emotions, to unearth the impermissible and give it permission.

But with the attitude of, I'm going to give you full permission to feel these feelings so that I can learn through the lens of love. So it's not saying, Oh, I'm going all the way in the negative. It's saying I'm using this negative experience and feeling as a way of allowing myself to grow more and learn more love.[00:15:00] 

I hope that resonates. Does that resonate with you, Annie? 

[00:15:03] Speaker 5: That totally resonates because it's just learning to feel what you're feeling and sit with it and not that it can be okay to be optimistic, but if I'm feeling tightness in my chest, being with it. Second part to that, is there a specific practice you would recommend that's best for being less than your head?

I do tapping. I love EFT.

[00:15:24] Speaker: You actually said it, Annie. You're a genius. Here we go, sweetheart. Here's the practice. So you notice yourself feeling discomfort and you allow yourself to be present with the feeling. But I would say even before that, you can just say, I have a feeling and I'm going to let it lead me back to love so that you've one set yourself up to learn through love to choose to learn through love and then you've given yourself permission to feel and for 90 seconds if you allow yourself to just be fully present with [00:16:00] that feeling to give yourself the full body permission to feel into that feeling.

to allow that feeling to come over you. You can let it pass within 90 seconds. A feeling can be transformed. And if you actually just give yourself full permission to breathe into it, to feel it, to respect it, even talk to it, Hey, what do you want to teach me here? What is it that needs to be revealed?

What do you need to tell me? Because those feelings are child parts. They've been exiled, they've been pushed down, they've been dismissed, they've been overrided with spiritual practice, they've been pushed away. So we don't have to be afraid of those feelings. And we most importantly don't want to push them away.

We can also allow them to be a learning device. Because let me tell you something, when we have uncomfortable feelings, we will do anything we can to numb them out. Listen, I'm a recovering addict. I numbed out my feelings with cocaine, with romantic relationships, with work. I became a master of numbing my feelings.

And even today. When I was sitting and [00:17:00] getting blood work done and I was having this moment, this is a very vulnerable personal thing that I'm going to share with all of you, was I was getting my blood work done and I was very upset about this sort of like, it's not even really that big of a deal. It's just my plans and they could be adjusted because of a mistake.

And so I'm upset about it and I'm getting this blood work done and I'm feeling that pain. And all of a sudden, when the prick of the needle went in, I felt a moment of relief because I was feeling something else. And in that moment, I thought to myself, That's why people drink. That's why people, because the feeling of sadness is so impermissible that we want anything to get us out of it.

Because even now, when I was getting my blood taken, I was like, Oh, prick of relief was just feeling something else. And it's just, it's, you know, it's really out there. But I looked at it, I was, I noticed it. And then I used that as a moment to say, Oh no, you don't want to numb out. You want to feel these feelings, you need to give yourself permission to feel these feelings.

And you can let these feelings reveal something new for you. [00:18:00] Okay, you still have a little bit more of surrender to do. When you think you surrendered, surrender more. So my message for you, Annie, is that yes, indeed, sweetheart, let yourself feel those feelings. Give yourself permission to feel them and choose to feel them as a learning device.

Choose to see that each time you lean into those feelings, you're going to get closer to love because you're allowing yourself to explore. What those feelings need to reveal to you. I hope that resonates with you. 

[00:18:32] Speaker 5: Yes. Thank you so much 

[00:18:33] Speaker: Beautiful question, love, gorgeous job, and thank you because it sent me down a very good rant.

Beautiful. Bye, sweetheart. Thank you.

You know that I believe in radical honesty, sometimes to a fault, but it is the truth. I really like the truth, and that goes for all relationships in my life, whether it's my family, my friends, my team. [00:19:00] and most importantly, my relationship with my doctors. This happens to me all the time. I'm chatting with a friend and they're going to be sharing about their health concerns.

And then I'll ask them, did you tell your doctor? And more often than not, they're going to say, no, I don't feel comfortable discussing that, or I don't want to burden them. And I'm like, Oh my God, people, you got to get honest. The person you need to be most honest with is your doctor. It's imperative to have that.

Trust, and that's where ZocDoc comes in. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online.

And with ZocDoc, you can find doctors who will listen to you and make you feel comfortable. They make it really easy to filter specifically for the ones that take your insurance, that are located nearby, or treat the specific condition that you're searching for.

And get this. The typical wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocDoc is between 24 and 72 hours. Isn't that amazing? This just blows my [00:20:00] mind. You can even score a same day appointment. Isn't that amazing? So go to ZocDoc.com/Gabby and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today.

That's ZocDoc.com/Gabby. I was recently on a trip with a bunch of girlfriends and it was just really casual, but there were a couple times when I got a little dressed up for dinner and really, I kid you not, every single one of these women came up to me and asked me what makeup I was wearing.

Answer was simple. It's Thrive Cosmetics, ladies. So if you've listened to this show recently, you know that I'm obsessed with Thrive Cosmetics. Thrive Cosmetics is a brand that I really and truly use, and it's one that I can wholeheartedly get behind. I use the mascara every single day. Day Thrive Cosmetics is this gorgeous line of makeup that not only make you look amazing But all of their products are packed with [00:21:00] clean skin loving ingredients Which I know is really important to my audience and so not only does Thrive Cosmetics have uncompromising quality standards They also have this mission every product you buy Thrive Cosmetics donates either products or funds to communities in need in order to help them thrive their infinity waterproof eyebrow liner is You So, so good.

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That's thrivecausemedics.com/dearGabby for 10 percent off your first order. If you're enjoying this episode and you're feeling [00:22:00] cracked open to this new way of thinking, this new way of perceiving your life, then I welcome you to try out my Gabby Coaching app where I can be your coach in your pocket, anywhere, anytime.

This is the place where I can serve you. at my highest and best. There's hundreds of meditations, workshops, talks. You can open the app and there's an affirmation card poll where you can just like pull your affirmation for the day and it will set you up to win. There's just Gabby on the go. Get Gabby anywhere.

If you're having anxiety, I'm there for you. If you can't sleep, I'm there for you. Whatever is going on. And it will help you develop the mental capacity and the spiritual resilience to really show up for life with. A lot of confidence and courage. And my friends, I know that's what I want. So if this is something that you think will serve you, just try it out for free for seven days.

Head over to DearGabby.com/app. You'll get access to all of the content for seven days free. Head over to [00:23:00] DearGabby.com/app. and download the app to just get started. See how it feels. Take these practices to the next level. Try seven days free. Love you.

All right. Who's next on Dear Gabby? Hey, dude, what? You're here. Hello. Hi, baby. How are you? I'm good, my love. How are you? I'm amazing. 

[00:23:27] Speaker 6: Oh, I like amazing. Okay. I'm so glad this is happening because I just had this like massive trauma healing. And I'm not sure what to do next. So I had this guy and we kind of, you know, talked back and forth, but nothing's happened.

And this was all new territory for me. I've got sexual trauma in my past and abuse. And so things just connected. I knew it wasn't going to be any type of a long [00:24:00] term connection. But he came over, we connected, we had a lovely time, and then I don't know how to explain it other than to say it's so different to have an experience like this where you're safe, where you're free, where you know that you're like in control but it's like a shared thing.

Sure. To have him not be the source of anything, just a catalyst for it. I don't know. You know what I mean? Am I making any sense? Okay. So it's just, it's this great thing. And now on the other side of it, he had a different experience. It brought up some stuff from him. He needs some time and that's great because it's not that I'm attached to him.

It's just, now that I've had this, like, opening this freedom, this experience where I know it's not about him and I so much as knowing that this is something that I deserve, something I'm worthy of. Yeah. 

[00:24:56] Speaker: Yeah. There's a lot I want to say to you and I see your name is [00:25:00] Megan, right? Megan? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Megan. There's a lot I want to say to you, which is that one, I just want to congratulate you and applaud you. Because for anyone who has had the experience of any kind of sexual trauma, the words that you just described of in control, but feeling safe, feeling in control, but still with connection, feeling like I can let go, feeling open.

The way that I'm seeing you speak about it, you're open, you're not shut down, is a real testament to the work that you've done on your own recovery to get to this space. Because who cares if you ever see this guy ever again? The fact that you had that experience, my love, is spiritual proof, that's what I love to call spiritual proof, that you can do it again.

That you can have this experience again. again. And not only that you can have it again, but that you've come so far in your recovery that you got yourself to enough safety to allow yourself to let down your guard, [00:26:00] to be that open. Yes. To be that free. So our card today is I choose to learn through love.

Yes. Totally. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. So my question to you, Megan, is If we're going to choose to learn through love, what, in your words, don't think, just answer me, don't try to be perfect here, this is like a quick rocket fire answer, what's the lesson that you needed to learn from this, what was the love lesson that came through for you here?

[00:26:27] Speaker 6: That I can trust myself. Oh. That I can trust myself. Yes. But I don't have to be afraid, you know, to be in any situation. I don't have to be afraid, you know, to be vulnerable. And so not only is it safe to love everybody as I always have, but now it's safer to love myself deeper than I ever have before.

[00:26:52] Speaker: Yeah. And to care for yourself. When you have said, you just proclaimed over and over, I can trust [00:27:00] myself. What that is really saying, whether you realize it or not, is that Your adult resource self has come to the table and she is caring for you now. And when you say, I can trust my self in IFS therapy, we call that self as the adult part, the part of us that is the internal parent, the part of us that can really care for all the younger parts, right?

And so you are saying, I don't have to be afraid anymore because I'm no longer exiled in that young part. I can trust my adult part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yes. Look at this.

[00:27:41] Speaker 6: What a gorgeous lesson of love, my friend, through the lens of love. Absolutely. And yeah, it's like finding a 20 bill in your winter coat from last season.

Like I knew that like all of this came along when it was exactly meant to. And when he told me, you know, Hey, I got to step [00:28:00] away because that opened up some for me. Yeah. I was like. Hey, I get it. This happened between us exactly how it was supposed to. There you go. I send you love. You do you.

[00:28:11] Speaker: Is  there a Hallmark card to send him for this?

Listen, just send him love. Send him love. Send him love and just, you know, I think that it's also really looking and trusting if you're going to see this whole situation through the lens of love, right? Then you can even say, Oh, thank you universe for having him be removed at this time. Because maybe if you know, you got the lesson, you got the message, you got the safety, you've got the opportunity.

And now it's, you know, it's exactly as it needed to be. So trusting, if you're looking at this through the lens of love, okay, well, that was what it needed to be at this time in this way. It can be something in the future or it won't, doesn't matter. I got what I needed today so that I could really trust myself.

And so it's, Taking the expectations of the future off the page and just being really present and what just happened here in this moment. That was a really great gift to me to help me really strengthen my faith and my trust [00:29:00] in myself. And I just have to really applaud you and acknowledge you on behalf of all the women who have suffered from sexual trauma.

This is a very big moment in your recovery. And when I get back to spiritual proof, what I often talk about in my books is this concept of spiritual proof. Once you've gotten to a place where, oh, I've had that experience, you now like, okay, maybe there'll be moments where you would revert back to old fears or whatever.

That's fine. You have a new touch point, a new baseline of recovery that you can really lean into. And that, my friend, is nothing short of a miracle. Yeah.

[00:29:38] Speaker 6: Thank you for letting me celebrate this with you today because this is like epic stuff and I'm so happy.

[00:29:44] Speaker: It is epic stuff, Meg. It's epic stuff, my love.

I'm, I'm just, I hope that you Just whenever you feel any kind of uncertainty, I want you to hold a vision of me just with my hands in the air, just clapping and screaming. Yay. Go girl. Okay. I, I, I [00:30:00] hope that that visual is just something you can bring with you into your meditation and into your life because I'm very proud of you.

Absolutely. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Sweetheart. Beautiful job. Beautiful work. Thanks everybody. Thank you. Awesome one. Great. What a great day. I love this topic. Bringing in our next guest. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good, honey. How are you? 

[00:30:25] Speaker 7: I am so good. I was on a couple of weeks ago. 

[00:30:28] Speaker: I was going to say, I recognize you and it's wild that these people, you know, whenever somebody gets back on the show, I know it's for a reason because there's so many of you in the waiting room right now.

that if you're getting brought back on, because we bring you guys in at random, you're getting brought back on, there is a reason. So Riley, where were you? What happened?

[00:30:51] Speaker 7: So I'm in Maui, 7am here. 

[00:30:52] Speaker: Oh, did your husband just go to treatment? Is that what happened? He did. Oh my God. Do you like my memory? Oh my God.

[00:30:57] Speaker 7: He's about, yes, you're so good. He's about, [00:31:00] I got your books. Thank you so much for those. I literally am on week two of May Cause Miracles, which is like me saving my life. But I just, I've been, you know, and this message today has been super transformative and I didn't even like remember that it was Dear Gabby Day.

I was just on Instagram and it was like, Gabby's going live and I was like, yeah, she is like, so I just, it's more of like, I think my question last time was like, I know in the grand scheme of things that it's all going to work out and it's all going to be good. I just like in the moment, sometimes trusting my intuition, I know what's good, but my ego is coming in and it is saying all these fearful thoughts.

And then I'll stop and I'll be like, where did that thought come from? Like, you know better than that. And so I think, I don't know, I loved what you said about being in service to people. So I think that, and I feel like this whole everything that I've been through, like you said, in one of your podcasts too, has prepared me to go through this.

And I just, I want to share, I've been very strong and people are like, you're so [00:32:00] strong. Why aren't you upset? Your husband's gone in rehab and you're home with two kids. Like, why are you, like, why aren't you breaking down? Like, why are you, like, how are you? And his whole family, they, I see this as a positive thing.

So how do I, Let others know this is a positive thing without, you know, when they're like, Oh, it's kind of shh.

[00:32:15] Speaker: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Riley, let's do this. I want to give you a practice of speaking back to your ego. Okay. But let's, let's just even the playing field right now by just saying his family's perspective I want you to have a conversation with them the same way you have a conversation with your ego.

Because they often are the naysayers in our life. And those folks, God bless them, they're just ego personified, right? And it's not that we're judging them in any way, shape, or form. They're just kind of stuck. They don't have a spiritual practice necessarily. They may just really rely on worry as a way of staying in control and we can have a lot of love and compassion for them the same way we want to have a lot of love and compassion for those ego fear thoughts.

But we don't want to take them on. We don't want to take ownership of them. [00:33:00] Okay. And this is an instance where Every ego moment is an opportunity to deepen and strengthen your connection to love because the truth is that You are in a really great situation. When I saw your husband on the zoom a few weeks ago and he was off to rehab, he was, his hands were in the area.

It was so proud to be going. I had a great moment with him where I could say, you're awesome, man. This is going to change your life. This is going to help your children forever. This can help your marriage forever. Like we had a real celebration. And so I know, Riley, that in your heart and in your soul, you are fully grounded in the celebration of this rehab experience that you know that it's for the highest good.

And even though it's not easy to be home with a newborn and another little one, you've got a lot going on. That's a lot. But you're really knowing that the more you lean and choose to learn through love, the easier this experience will be. Okay. And this is an instance where I am actually not saying. that these practices would in any way override your full blown personal experience.

There's work to do, right? You might want to do some therapy when you're ready, do [00:34:00] Al Anon when you're ready, but 

[00:34:01] Speaker 2: I'm doing both. 

[00:34:03] Speaker: You're doing both, you're doing Al Anon, you're doing therapy, but in those day to day moment to moment things. situations, you need sustainable energy. You need to feel like good, no matter what.

You need to show up for these kids. You need to be holding space for yourself and your own recovery through this. And the only way to do that is to lean towards love and to choose to see through the lens of love. So here's a practice of talking back to your ego and talking back to the egos personified in your life as in laws or whoever else they may be.

God bless them. So let's bring it first to how you speak to your ego. I want you to do this practice of just noticing every time it comes up. And this is a practice that we've done over and over again here. I'm going to add to it. Okay. So it's, it's the choose again method with prayer. So I want you to notice that ego thought when it comes up.

And I want you to just feel it, you know, notice that, okay, there's my story that this is so hard. I'm with my, my kids and my husband's in rehab and this is so hard. [00:35:00] And just notice where you notice it showing up in your body. Okay. And then I want you to take the second step of the choose again method, which is to forgive yourself for having the thought.

And the moment that you say, I forgive myself for having that thought, you begin to no longer see that thought as who you are. You start to allow it to be transcended, you allow it to just transmute and be just another ego thought that's continuously showing up. And then the third step when we practice the choose again method is to choose again.

But in your case, choosing again typically is reaching for the next best feeling thought, the next best feeling thought, the next best feeling thought. I can do that with you right now, which I will, but I want to add to it. So in your case, the next best feeling thought could be My husband's in rehab and that's a great thing.I have Al Anon and that's an even better thing. I have my sponsor. I have my therapist. I have healthy children. I'm in Hawaii. I'm doing good. I'm [00:36:00] okay. So that's reaching for the next best feeling thought. But I also want to add to that. I want you to pray because my love, there's Power in your prayers. You are really allowing prayer to be your pathway, your conduit for choosing love.

And so you, I want you to notice the thought and how it makes you feel. I want you to forgive yourself for having that thought and then choose again or pray either one because prayer is another form of choosing again. And so I just want to give you a simple prayer right now. This is a prayer for allowing your ego to take a backseat.

Okay. I want you to close your eyes with me for the moment. We can just say this prayer together. Thank you ego for sharing. I choose to see this through the lens of love. And by the way, that prayer is the only response to your in laws and the ego personified by saying very gently and lovingly to them with no judgment.

Thank you for sharing, but I'm choosing [00:37:00] to see this through the lens of love. And so you're going to be in a very proactive practice of Leaning back into that perspective of love, first honoring the feeling and the thought, forgiving yourself for going there, and then saying, thank you for sharing, but I want to see this through the lens of love.

[00:37:20] Speaker 7: Exactly. Exactly. Yes. And that line right there, it's just exactly what I needed to hear. And I feel like once, once you kind of crack open to this whole, like, you know, spiritual world and like being a super attractor and a manifester, like, There's no going back. And so that's where I'm, I'm at the point where I'm like, I know that I'm going to live a wonderful life and I'm going to have everything that I could ever want.

And like, I know that, like, that's the fact it's happening. I'm going to, you know, live my dreams. And so when this voice comes in, it's yeah, exactly. It's like, thank you for sharing. You know, I thank you for your input, but I'm seeing this too. Like, like that's, you just put into words, like how I, you know, how I feel like I know it's all good.

[00:37:59] Speaker: Do you want to [00:38:00] know the secret to living a wonderful life? Yes. The secret to living a wonderful life is exactly what our card is saying today. No matter what's going on in your life, no matter what's happening in your life, that you choose to see your circumstances through the lens of love. Listen, I remember being two months sober, you know, detoxing off of cocaine and alcohol, pulling myself out of bed at 6 30 in the morning to get to a 7 a.m. meeting around the corner, walking into the meeting.

Literally, like not knowing how I was going to keep my business afloat, not knowing how I was going to pay the bills, but just choosing every single day to lean towards love and say, I'm going to let this recovery show me something new today. I'm going to be grateful for this moment.

I'm going to just thank God every moment for this experience allows me today, my love. To look back at those early days of my recovery as some of [00:39:00] the best days of my life. 

[00:39:03] Speaker 7: Absolutely. 

[00:39:04] Speaker: Some of the best days of my life, you know, two months clean and sober, pulling myself out of bed to get to the meeting, detoxing from drugs and alcohol.

Some of the best days of my life. Because I was so devoted and committed to lean towards love no matter what. So it doesn't really matter what is happening around us. What matters most is the perspective that's happening inside of us. So every moment of the day, we have to ask ourselves, how am I going to choose to see this?

And just to reiterate what we talked about earlier with our first guest. Don't want to override your emotions. That's why I love step one of the choose again method where you really let yourself notice your feelings and feel them and forgive yourself for going in the wrong direction, but then saying, you know, thanks for sharing, but I'm going to choose to see this through the lens of love.

I'm not going to really go there today. I'm going to just lean into that love, [00:40:00] okay? And in your therapy, baby, and in your meetings, in your Al Anon meetings, that's where you can really go to the depths of getting all that muck and all the emotion out and cry it out and feel it out and say the truth, speak the truth.

And then in those day to day moments, you just continue to elevate yourself with the attitude of what can I learn from this? what love is going to be revealed for me, and I'm going to let love show me what to do. That's another message for all of us listening today. We often want to be the ones that decide and dictate how things are going to go, but what if we just said, I'm going to let love show me what to do.

All I have to do is to say thank you for sharing to the fear and choose to let love show me what to do.

Thank you so much. Marlee, you know, what if you went and looked at your life right now in this experience at 23 years old with these little babies at home in Maui and, you know, kind of just keeping it simple, like they say in the steps, like keep it simple as an opportunity to live one of the best moments of your life.

Like thinking [00:41:00] about me at 25 waking myself up, detoxing from drugs and going to that meeting. Thank you so much. And I think my way back into those 7. 30 a. m. meetings in the West Village in New York City, and I see myself, you know, like all, you know, 25 years old, and I was literally the youngest person in the room by 50 years, you know, or like 40 years.

And I think about that time and how much I cherish those memories. And I just think that you have the opportunity right now to really be in such a beautiful growth. moment for your 23 year old self and to come out the other side and look back and say, Wow, Gabby was right. That was a very precious time in my life.

And I hope that your husband has that same experience, you know, where he gets to look back on his recovery and say thank you to his recovery and, and this is one thing I will tell you. He's getting clean and sober early. You're getting to Al Anon early. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. I promise you that.

[00:41:56] Speaker 7: Keep doing the work. He's doing really good in there. And I feel like [00:42:00] talking to you on that one day kind of shifted his perspective a little bit because I feel like I always tell him, I'm like the universe is looking out for us. The universe has our back, you know, and he's okay, you know, and that day and he's like, whoa, like.

You got to talk to Gabby, like you've been watching her show since, you know, now you got to tell him that you got back on.  I know when he calls and he calls me and I'm like, well, guess who I talked to earlier, you know? 

[00:42:21] Speaker: Well, tell him I say hi, tell him I'm proud of him, you know, and just stay clean, tell him to stay clean and expect miracles and you too, you know, stay sober in your ways, you know, with Alan on the program and you'll, you can only expect so many miracles ahead for you.

I'm so proud of you, Riley. I love it. I appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you guys. 

[00:42:41] Speaker: All right, let's take one more. Let's do one more. Dear Gabby today. Hi, honey. How are you? Hi. Well, 

[00:42:49] Speaker 4: basically I am wallowing in a bubble bath of anger, hatred, jealousy, negativity, and I want my life to [00:43:00] get forward, to go on.

My question really is, how much, if I were to be in a bubble bath of happiness? all the time. How would that make my life 

[00:43:17] Speaker: move on? Oh, Georgia's on today asking a very big question. She's saying, I'm in a bubble bath of negativity and rage and anger. And what would happen? How would my life be better if I was in a bubble bath of love?

Really? Okay, here we go, love. So the answer is What it seems is happening for you, my love, is your choice daily has been to lean into the anger and the rage and the frustration and the discomfort.
Absolutely. And, um, I don't want you to override or ignore emotions and experiences that need to be resolved, but I want you to show up for them with that lens of [00:44:00] love.

I want you to show up for your experiences with a new experience, with a new perspective. So what I'm going to ask you to do is to temporarily, just for right now with me, Suspend that belief system that says, I can only get by if I'm in a bubble bath of fear and anger and rage. And allow yourself to give your full bodied permission to lean into for today, what would it be like if I leaned towards love?

And I want you to practice it just for today. I want you to go throughout your day today. And ask yourself in each moment, how can I see this feeling with love? How can I experience this experience with love? How can I choose to experience this person with love? How can I choose to let myself off the hook in this moment and lean into love?

I want you to practice this for one day. That's my only request. Just one [00:45:00] day. I want you to jump into that bubble bath of love. for one day because what's happening is you've gotten yourself into a pattern of kind of swimming in this bubble bath of fear and anger and resentment and we have to interrupt the pattern and I want you to notice what you notice throughout the day of what happens when you just say that affirmation I choose to learn through love.

Literally, this is where the power of affirmation comes in. Simply saying, I choose to see this through the lens of love has power. It's as simple as that, because what I'm feeling and hearing for you is the simplest path is the path. So for today, I want you to keep it in the day and I want you to just throughout the day, whatever you notice to just simply say to yourself, I choose to see this through the lens of love.

How can I see this through the lens of love? How can I learn through the lens of love? that I promised you sister. I told you at the beginning of this show that I was having a difficult day myself. [00:46:00] And that advice that I just gave you, I'm going to give myself. And I'm going to commit to you, Georgia, that I'm going to do this with you today.

All right. You feeling me? I'm going to do this with you. So I'm going to make the commitment with you now that for the rest of today, until I put my head down, I'm just gonna lean towards love and just choose to see through the lens of love no matter what, and just let myself off the hook, really. That happiness and that joy, and that love is a choice that we make.

And every situation, no matter what it is, has two paths. The path of faith, the path of love, the path of hope, the path of joy, the path of peace, the path of forgiveness, or the path of rage, fear, anger, destruction, judgment, attack. We have the choice in any moment. And the simplicity of this message today is that the more we lean towards love, the more that becomes a habit.

The more we lean towards love, the easier it becomes, the more we trust it. But most importantly, you asked me, what would my life be like if I was living in a bathtub of [00:47:00] love? My love, what would happen and what your life would be like is that your experiences would change because everything that happens outside of us is a reflection of our internal condition.

And the more that we develop a foundational internal condition of faith and love and hope and joy, the easier it is for us to attract more of that, to see more of that, to experience more of that, no matter what happens around us, and to feel an energy that's elevated and uplifting and joyful. And ultimately in that space of joy, elevation and uplifted energy, we begin to attract more of what we want into our life.

So, The reality and the simplicity here is the more you lean towards love, the more love is revealed to you. That's my message for you, Georgia. I appreciate you so much, Georgia. Thank you, sweetheart. I know that you hear it and I know that you know it, but you needed to hear it from me today. All right, Georgia.

Thank you. All right. So I'm going to close this show on that note. I want all of you today for, just for today, to [00:48:00] just use this affirmation, and of course you can do this tomorrow and the next day and the next day, but I want to keep it simple because sometimes if we try to make it an everyday gig, we don't do it at all.

So just try for just today, wherever you are, whatever situation is holding you up or blocking you or making you feel stuck in fear for today, pause, give yourself time. Full permission to be in that bubble bath of love to choose to learn through every feeling, every experience, every person, every encounter to see it all as a learning device, to see it all as an opportunity to get closer to love.

For today, I want you to come back and leave a review on this podcast, letting me know what happens after you do this, go out into the world, live your life today. Choose to see every situation through the lens of love. Even if you have a hard time choosing that, you can use prayer that I gave Riley earlier, the prayer of simply saying, thank you, fear for [00:49:00] sharing.

Thank you, ego for sharing. I choose to see this through love. You can even say, thank you universe for helping me see this through love. In every moment, I want you to stay committed to choosing to learn through love. Expect miracles from this, guys. This is a radical opportunity. You could live a quantum shift today, taking these practices seriously, going into your day with these messages, showing up completely with your heart open and a full bodied release of resistance.

Simply just using that affirmation, I choose to learn through love. I want you to wake up tomorrow and celebrate what miracles occurred today. Then you're probably going to want to do it again and again, but I'm not going to focus on tomorrow. I want to focus on what happens for you today. As soon as you're done with this podcast, begin leaning towards love and trusting that the more you [00:50:00] lean towards love, the better.

Love will show you what to do, if you made it to the end of this episode. That means you're truly committed to miracles. I'm really proud of you. If you wanna get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience of this show means a lot to me, so I really want to welcome you to leave an honest review.

And you can follow me on social media at Gabby Bernstein. And if you want to get in on the action, sign up for a chance to be Dear Gabby'd live at DearGabby.com. See you next week. Gabby.

[00:50:45] Speaker 5: Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Visit Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.