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On today’s episode of Dear Gabby, I’m joined by my dear friend, Lewis Howes. This Big Talk is all about how to set healthy boundaries. We explore the deep shifts that occur when we honor our limits, confront our inner obstacles and respect our needs. If you’re ready to make monumental shifts in your life, this episode is for you.

My hope is that this conversation will leave you inspired to shatter the limitations that have confined you, step into your true potential and cultivate a life that is nothing short of extraordinary.

In this episode you’ll learn:

  • How to set boundaries for personal growth and better relationships
  • The importance of prioritizing self care and honoring your limits
  • The power of consistent inner work and healing from past traumas.
  • How spiritual connection plays a role in personal transformation
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  • For a deeper dive, check out my books.
  • Lewis Howes is a New York Times best-selling author, keynote speaker, and industry-leading show host. Howes is a two-sport All-American athlete, former professional football player, and member of the U.S.A. Men’s National Handball Team. His show The School of Greatness is one of the top podcasts in the world with over 500 million downloads. He was recognized by the White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30.
  • If you feel you need additional support, please consult this list of safety, recovery and mental health resources.
disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #204 Apr 29, 2024 emotional wellbeing

how to set healthy boundaries—big talk with lewis howes

[00:00:00] The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi there, Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor, and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

So I'm walking on the street the other day and I see this girl. She comes running up to me and she's like, Oh my God, Gabby Bernstein, I've read all your books. I come to all your talks. I swear by you. I've been reading you for a decade. So she's probably like been reading since add more ink to your life.

And I look at her and I'm like, Oh my God, I'm so excited to meet you. And I said, do you have the app? Are you loving the app? And she goes. What app? Oy. Oy. Oy. Oy. And I was like, Oh my God, honey, I can be your coach anywhere, anytime. [00:01:00] And I was so bummed out that she didn't know what it was. And so here I am.

I'm going to scream it from the rooftops. I have an app. I have an app and it is the Gabby coaching app and I can be your coach in your pocket anywhere, anytime. It's easy. It's effective. We have get Gabby moments. I'm really. Creating this coaching. That's like two minute practices that you can do daily.

Plus you have deep dive coaching. If you want more meditations, like so many meditations, like what's your favorite meditation in the app? Well, right now it's the spirit guides. Meditation. You love that one. I know you do. Mine's the light bath meditation. And so you can have Gabby on the go all the time.

I'm your coach. I'm your meditation instructor. I'm everything inside this app. I just want to. Tell everyone in the world to shout it from the rooftops. Get the Gabby app, but you can have it for free. DearGabby. com/app, dearGabby.com/app. You can totally download the app for free for a week and just try it out and see if it's like a little [00:02:00] jumpstart into the app.

I give you a whole setup of how to test out the different sections of the app and use it. Plus my manifesting challenges in there, plus my anxiety relief challenges in there. And there's an abundance challenge coming and there's just, kind of endless content and endless support. The biggest thing is it makes your personal growth something that you'll actually stick to because I'm there to hold you by the hand, but it's also fast and it's easy and it's effective. DearGabby. com/app. Go try seven days free.

Hey there. Welcome to Dear Gabby. I'm your host, Gabby Bernstein. And if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you're ready to feel feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. [00:03:00] Let's get started. Welcome back, my friends. Welcome back to Dear Gabby. OMG. This is an episode that you are going to love.

This is one of the guests that I have on quite often. And it's the guest that probably gets the most downloads here because he is epic. It's my beautiful brother. Dear friend, Lewis Howes. Anytime I sit down in a conversation with Lewis, it's like a rocket takes off. It's so awesome. It's this like amazing conversation that we have always.

We go right into the big talk. This is the definition of a big talk. Lewis just brings it every time. And in this conversation, we talk a lot about boundaries and how boundaries can serve as a catalyst for just exponential personal growth. And that Unshakeable sense of self worth. And so my real hope for this conversation for you is that it inspires you to start to look at the areas of your life and the relationships in your life where you lack boundaries.

And it gives you the [00:04:00] inspiration to start to create some healthy boundaries. The guidance, not just inspiration, but guidance and direction on how to create more healthy boundaries in your relationships. When you start to exercise this muscle, everything changes. I'm really excited for you to listen to this show.

And Lewis always brings it. He always brings it. So enjoy the show. So back in the house with my boy, Lewis House, you are a fan favorite here on Dear Gabby Big Talks. I love you. I'm happy to be with you. And I'm staring at you being like, bro, how do you look 10 years younger? You're shining from the inside out, that wouldn't just happen, I don't, well, we'll talk about the physical things that you're doing, because I'm interested, but I also want to know about the emotional and spiritual.

Well, making a decision to transform my physical body, I mean, I've always been an athlete, so I've been healthy, but I was able to get away with, you know, I'm athletic, but I eat whatever. Until I hit 40. Yeah, it's literally 40. 40, you [00:05:00] just go, you're f ed up. And then I was just like, I injured my Achilles last year.

I ran two marathons in a year without training, so that was not smart. I was trying to be like, okay, I'm a 22 year old again. I can just whip out a marathon and then do two back to back. But I didn't train for them, so I'm not a distance runner by nature. So I maybe did a couple of miles, but that was it.

And I kind of messed my legs up. And then I started trying to dunk a basketball. I was like, I'm 40. On my 40th birthday, I want to go dunk a basketball. And I hadn't played basketball in years since before the pandemic. So I didn't warm up and I was just dunking. And I was like, wow, I can still dunk. And then the next day, it was like I couldn't walk my Achilles.

Something ripped. So I had to spend like six months healing the Achilles. And it made me realize, like, I'm not immortal, and I'm not 22. Welcome to your 40s! But it made me excited because I was like, I can heal this. I can start making different decisions that's going to make me feel like I'm 20 again. And now I feel stronger than when I was playing [00:06:00] college football.

And that's by the decision to truly go all in on a lifting program and a nutrition program. Now I'm not like 100 percent perfect all the time, but I'm 89 percent like hitting all the workouts I travel a lot. So sometimes the nutrition is off then. But for the most part, I've lost 25 pounds, but I've also gained muscle.

So I just feel a lot better. I'm not, and I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on a journey. I don't think you need to change a thing. You look extraordinary. Thank you. You're right. You could get away with it. You're tall. You're fit. You're young. You are young. You're still in your early forties. You're young.

But that 40 year, when you get to four zero. What changed for you when you hit 40? Oh, bro. Like your face. You're not 40 yet though, right? You're like. 33, 34. 33, yeah. You look 33. Thank you. Yeah. Uh, I turned 40. You always look better. I do, I do get better. You do look better. I do get better. And I'll tell you why.

You look better than your photos from the past. Yeah. Your like, your book covers. I'm like. I'm like, what is it? You glow more. I will tell you. You look healthier. It's kind [00:07:00] of similar. When I started to notice things changing physically, I was like, Oh, especially after having babies. Like, you guys are lucky.

You don't have to do that part. and having two pregnancies and IVF and having all the things that happened to my body a few years ago. I gained weight, lost weight. It was just a lot of ups and downs. I was in a very similar place. I was in a very similar place to you, what you were just saying, where I decided, Oh, this is my body.

This is my temple for the next 40, 50, 60, 50 years, whatever, maybe 60 years, whatever, however far I go, who knows how far we'll be able to go. And I want to get it to the absolute best place I can get to. And so went back to my no dairy, no sugar, no gluten. I'm back to committed exercise routine started following our friends like JJ virgin and folks like that Tell me like eat your protein and doing my aminos and but like [00:08:00] really doing it, right?

It's just like a spiritual practice If you don't practice what you preach, you're not gonna be reaping the benefits And so being in that commitment and so I've been back in that commitment and I feel really good I feel really good about it. The last time we talked, we FaceTimed, you were on the treadmill, the StairMaster.

That's exactly right. And you're like, okay, I can talk, but I'm on a StairMaster. That's right. And we were FaceTiming. I was like, I can talk, but this is not going to be missed. And I started to do two days in my calendar that are Gabby days. And I don't not work those days, but I, but Ashley's here, my assistant's here.

You can testify. I'm like, don't book things too much, too much, too much, less, less. Less. Uh, but the biggest thing is in the past month or two, I have claimed my worthiness. We were just with Jamie and we were talking about Worthy, her book, but I've claimed my worthiness and I am expecting it back. Claim my worthiness.

What does that mean? Haven't you always been worthy? I always believed I was worthy of doing and creating the things that I could create, but I didn't believe that I was worthy of getting it back. Getting it reflected back to me. Not in like, any [00:09:00] way. Accolades or credentials that I believe that's worthy, but I didn't believe that the people in my life that were surrounding me I didn't believe I was worthy.

It isn't ingrained belief system. I didn't believe I was worthy of having my faith of how, of my greatness reflected back to me. How could that look? Oh, what does that look like to be able to receive that reflected back? Picking up the slack for a lot of other people. Uh, this is what it looked like, right?

Not expecting more, being afraid to expect more, just, but then silently being resentful, feeling like not asking for what I need, not, Having a clear boundary. Nope, that's not for me, man. I'm not gonna accept that. That's not, that Energy is not my vibration. Not being a dick, but being like, I am not here for that.

And I didn't have those boundaries and I really claimed them. Actually, I had a shake down in December where I was like, look at, look at this interview. It just turned on me. I had a shake [00:10:00] down. It's not an interview. We, we do big talks, we just talk. She had a shake down. What? Like transformation Inner shake down.

I was like, this isn't what I want. I said to Zach, my, our CEO, my husband. And I said, I want to quit. I'm done. Look, I'm out. Quit what? Quit the way I'm doing things. Oh, not like quit your business. And I wanted to quit my business because it wasn't working for you anymore. Because it wasn't what I wanted to be doing in the way that I was doing it.

And I wasn't having my, my. worth reflected back to me. Interesting. What does it look like to have your worth reflected back to you? Like the, the optimal way, how would that look or feel or experience on a day to day basis? The people I work with are a yes to the same level that I'm a yes. The relationships I have respect me in the same ways that I respect others.

The people that I collaborate with, whether it be partners or media, that they're at the level that I am. When I say level, like, You're not doing it all and they're doing some. That, for f sure. But also this, if I'm gonna bring my all, I want you to bring [00:11:00] your all too, and if you don't want to bring your all, you don't have to come to my party.

Period. And I love you. Wow. So boundaries. Big boundaries. Wow. Big boundaries. I feel like you used to, you've always had boundaries. I feel like you've been very clear with people, direct. But not really. No. More of a people pleaser? Underlying a bit of, nah, people fixer. Not people pleaser. People fixer. You like the projects and people, huh?

Well, ish. Or then just unconsciously just picking up the slack or, this isn't just at work. This is an album. Or just not expecting my worth reflected back to me, claiming my worth and expecting it back. Wow. I mean, you've seen me through so much. I mean, you saw me like a decade, two decades ago. I've seen you for, since 2008.

I know. 16 years. I know. Your first ING book. Yes. Is that 2008, 2009? It was. You're on a skateboard in the middle of New York City. Yep. That's the cover, right? Yep. Isn't that what it is? Are you standing on it or are you holding it or something, I think? I'm standing on a skateboard in the middle of the city.

And here you are now, 13 years of School of [00:12:00] Greatness. 11 years. 11 years last week. What was the third? Oh, no, you was 11. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. 11 years. Uh huh. 11 years. Every single week showing up. You've been doing this for 15 plus years to a bit in this field, but I haven't had a podcast every day for a lot of you showing up for a long time.

I showed up for a lot, but so 11 years. So what does it take to get to that 11 year point? What's interesting cause you had this kind of inner transformation over the last, last month, I guess, because over the last couple of years, there was a lot that's happening and it was not feeling like A burden, like the consistency of it.

But I was like, it's not feeling the exact way I want it to feel right. I'm just doing it. And I felt like I was doing a lot for my, maybe similar feelings. Like, I'm just trying to make money to hire more people to pay more people. And then there's challenges and problems and you know, people are unhappy or whatever.

Is this fun? Is this enjoyable, right? It's like, okay, why am I working so hard to pay and try to keep making more money for all these activities? And it's just what I really, really [00:13:00] want. And I realized that I lacked the boundaries also. And I just was saying yes to too many things. And over the last year and a half, I just started saying no to a lot and ending certain relationships or allowing people to leave without trying to like, yeah.

Yeah. Well, saving up is like, it's not the right fit. I want you to be happy and me to be happy. Cool. The last year and a half, I think I had the biggest transformation internally from saying no to a lot of people that I used to say yes to for a long time that I felt like I needed to say yes to whether it be people in the industry, not you, but just people asking me for things where it felt like I was stretched thin all the time.

And I was always working after work for other people. Because I, that was what I was familiar with, is what I was used to, is just like giving and contributing and helping and, which I think is a great thing to do, and still it started to, I don't know, suck the life out of me. So you started overriding yourself.

It was too much. Yeah. And so, that's been a big part of me taking the, like I work out two hours a day now pretty much, or I'm like in a [00:14:00] active process where it's like I'm driving to the gym, changing, I'll steam, I'll shower there, so it's like a two hour process, it's a lot of time. It's not just like a 20 minute quick thing, it's like, okay, this is me time, and I schedule it every morning.

And also I used to, I don't know if you still do this, but it wasn't until last June where Matt, my COO, who you know, I used to do all the interviews and then in between two interviews a day, I'd be posting on every social media platform, right? On Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, whatever. I was the one in control.

That's crazy though. And then I'd write the newsletters. I was doing it all. Until six months ago. I'm very, very familiar, Louis. I'm very familiar. And then he was like, My team is here and they're laughing their asses off. See, I am not allowed. I'm not the only crazy person. I was doing it all in between stuff.

And then my day would start at 5 p. m. Yeah, totally. Right. Okay. I'm the talent during the day. So I've got to interview. I've got to prepare. I've got to be on. Then everyone [00:15:00] leaves. Okay, now I got to go through my email and get back to people that need stuff from me. Yep. And so I realized that just wasn't sustainable.

So Matt really encouraged me. We're not able to scale unless you learn to delegate and empower and train. And it may take some time. It may not be the way you want it to be in the first three to six months. But allowing others to have ownership of platforms and things. Has freed up my time and energy and it's still hard to fully let go of, but it's it's freed me up and it's been a blessing.

How much do you think? Because we have this shared thing that we've both over overcome, probably at this stage because we've both done so much personal development work that it was like the switch went off and we're like, Oh, wait, no, I don't need to do that and I'm going to let it go. But. I wonder how much of that overriding ourselves, putting other people first, doing it all ourselves with belief, if I don't do it, nobody else is going to do it.

How much of that is tracked for our trauma responses? It's got to be a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's got to be a lot. And the [00:16:00] healing journey that I've been on the last four years has allowed me to feel more peace and more internal safety. Yes, ma'am. But again, I had to integrate it through creating boundaries and feeling the tension in the process.

It wasn't without, I had to do these steps to create boundaries and show myself that I still got me even when someone's upset at me or even when I let someone down or even when someone's maybe talking bad about me because I didn't do normal things I was used to doing. So I had to really feel emotionally safe.

Internally and also I think having a peaceful relationship has given me more freedom to do those things and not feel like I need these other intermittent relationships for people to like me or love me or something. So it was like a combination of my own personal love for self and safety and healing.

Having a harmonious, Intimate relationship for the first time where I feel emotionally safe and it's giving me more [00:17:00] energy to then spend time with the gym, you know, do the things I need to do and also create boundaries knowing I'll be okay.

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This show is sponsored by Better Health. I would have to say that I am a very direct person. It's a good thing and a bad thing at times. Sometimes I'm just like, if something's going on, I just got to get it off my chest. I wasn't always that way. But we just, I mean, oftentimes carry around these stressors and we just need to like, let it out, get it out.

And sometimes I'll just talk to anybody, but thankfully I have my therapist because I'm not out there on the streets, just like talking to random people about my big feelings. I have my therapist every week at the same time, every Thursday 2 40, we [00:21:00] meet. And it is the most important relationship for me because without her and that connection, I would feel really lost.

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I want to reflect back to you what a privilege it is to witness a man in his work, not work work, in your inner work, so devotionally committed to it. I've watched you. I've tracked you. I've been with you side by side going through a lot of the same undoings. Yeah. And It's such a beautiful thing to witness.

It's the return to self and from an IFS perspective, internal family systems therapy, you have developed so much self energy, self with a capital S and that's the internal parent. It's the inner guide. It's the compassion, the connection, the curiosity, the creativity. The courage, those qualities that we have inside of us, you've developed so much self, which is that sense of safety and security inside [00:23:00] that you were able to attract a woman who could reflect that back to you and be in a, and have a fiance that's in that same energy and frequency.

Thank you. And. It's very unfamiliar to start that. Yeah. The start of it, you know? Yeah. But, and at the same time, very, like what's happening for you right now, these sort of like shedding, these sheddings of these old patterns, it's happening so effortless naturally because these patterns were really just protection mechanisms.

And I'm just speaking for myself because I've been going through the exact same thing, tracking completely next to you, side by side. But these, these patterns of like, I got to do it on myself or whatever. These are old stories, but the more self energy that you develop and the more self reliance that you develop, meaning self reliance, meaning that reliance on that internal parent, that presence of truth inside, the more you trust that and you feel safe in that presence, the more effortless it becomes to say, I'm not going to do that without overriding myself.

I'm not messing up my gym time. I'm taking care of me and I'm not gonna put other people first. And I'm, you know, thank you for the acknowledgement there. And I've had, I've Even just friends over the [00:24:00] last year that I just haven't been as available to where I used to be like, let's go have dinner. Let's go do this.

Let's go like I'm available. I've just been less available. Yeah for just a lot of interactions. It's more like intimate interactions. More interactions with a few people as opposed to a lot of interactions with a lot of people. And that rubbed some people the wrong way, when I just wasn't available. Or, you know, I'm traveling with my fiancé, we're traveling around, whatever, I'm just not in town.

And some people were getting upset that I didn't make time for them. And I'm like, here's when I am available and you're not available then either. So it's like, we're doing our best, but I'm also just not going to overextend and then be up all night and miss out on the rituals that I want to create for my inner child.

Right. And it's funny, you're, you're saying this now because over these last four years, I've had a theme for every year. Since I really dove into the healing journey of therapy, somatic healing in a deeper way. And I'm not sure if you do this every year, you have a theme, but it [00:25:00] sounds like there's something came up in the last month.

Becoming. Ooh, I like that. I have a painting that's talking about becoming from Jim Carrey in my home. No way. Yes. It's all about becoming. Yes. I'll send you a photo of it. Anyways, three and a half years ago, four years ago, when I started the journey, I felt my intention for the year was peace, clarity, and freedom.

Yeah. Freedom's a big one. I didn't have any of it. I didn't have any peace, I didn't have any clarity, and I didn't feel free in the relationship that I was in or in my life. And I don't know how I was able to create in my life with this energy that was kind of blocking me. So as I started the, the healing journey, that's what I came to the first session.

I said, this is what I want. And I want it by this day. Now, it took time to get there, but by the end of that year, I felt peace. I felt clear and I felt free. And the second year, I was like, okay, what is it you want to offer? Unbox, what's the gift you want to give [00:26:00] yourself? And I did a whole meditation process of opening a gift that I'd never received before.

I get a little chilly thinking about opening a gift that I'd never received before and seeing what is it that are the reflection of that gift that I really wanted. And That second year was ultimate courage because I felt like I lacked true ultimate courage. I was courageous in sports and like going after my goals, but like the emotional courage I lacked in certain ways, specifically in intimate relationships.

I lacked being able to truly say the things that I needed to say with fear of judgment or shame or guilt or whatever, someone getting upset at me or whatever it was. And so I was like, ultimate courage is what I'm stepping into this year. And usually when we want that gift in life, throws these opportunities where it's, you sure you want this?

Yeah. So right away it was just like, okay, I've [00:27:00] got to be so high integrity with what I want. to step into ultimate courage. And by the end of the year, I was like, I have ultimate courage. I am ultimate courage, right? It's like in my being. It is the third year. So last year, the reflection and the gift I wanted to give myself was authentic ownership.

That's just what came up through therapy and just kind of where the season was progressing. Authentic ownership. So what happened? I bought my first ever home. I turned 40, I launched my most authentic book, this is the book that I truly want to be out in the world, like the message that I truly believe in, like I'm owning this message and I felt so good about it.

I got engaged, like I stepped into authentic ownership. At the highest level for that year, at least. And I just kept stepping into these uncomfortable things, but they were also felt natural. It was uncomfortable, but it was like, yes, this is the [00:28:00] steps I'm supposed to take to transform, to develop, to become who I'm supposed to be my higher self.

And this year, I still haven't figured out the exact words, but the intention is positive expansion and abundance. Positive expansion and abundance. I haven't figured out exactly. We're still in the first month of the year, but I've been working it through myself. But it's really around, like, partnership.

And positive expansion. Positive expansion is a big, that's really powerful. And I feel like, okay, I've been doing a lot of the emotional work for these last three years, and something that you said is, I've always done it on my own. I've taken it all on my own. You know, I started it on my own with my brand before this, I had another company with a partner that didn't work out.

And things were like 50 50, but I always felt like I was doing 90. Yeah, totally. And so I was like, yeah. I'm, I'm doing this on my own, you know, why work so hard for someone [00:29:00] else to make all this money and they're not pulling their weight. So I'm just going to own everything a hundred percent. I only do everything a hundred percent unless I'm an affiliate or something, but it's like if I'm doing a business, it's mine.

And that has served me, but it hurt me in other ways because I haven't been able to find great partners to support me. So this year is about expanding, but not by doing it all on myself and by building my own team, but by finding other great partners who excel at that thing, me doing what I do best and them doing what they do best.

So it's going to have to learn how to be discerning of the right partners and the right timing and not forcing things, but that is how. I'll be able to expand abundantly through partnership. Abundant expansion through partnership. That's, that's kind of where I'm feeling. Okay, I'm feeling it. These have been the themes, and your theme this year is what?

Becoming? Becoming. Becoming who I am absolutely here to be without any burdens. And who's it meant to be? Who I'm here to be? A creative. I'm here to be a positive force for love in the world. I'm here [00:30:00] to not be burdened or bogged down by the minutiae, but just be fully in my creative force. And what do you need to let go of to create that?

I don't let go of patterns and behaviors and all the fixing and doing and create boundaries, the boundaries, big time. Yeah. Clear the space, expect my worth back to me with everybody that I'm working with because if I want to work at that level, I need to have everybody with me at that level. You know, something I told my, a few people on my team this year was like, I need to have days where I don't have anything on the schedule.

Yeah, you have the blues day. Yeah, where it's just like allowing ideas to flow, like you being creative, it's, can't just, you know, Packed a schedule every day just being on. Right. That's why like being in the gym is kind of that flow time. You got that going. I get ideas going, but also just like on a Wednesday like half the day.

Or maybe a Friday. I find Friday's a Friday. Yeah, but just some time where you're not doing. Yeah. And you're being. Yeah. So, um, your dad's here. He's been yelling at me the whole time. What's he saying? He, God, he's so f ing proud of you, man. And he's calm. [00:31:00] He's really calm. And he, everybody's dad came through today.

So here's what he's saying. He's saying that, first of all, he definitely guided you to Martha. Okay. He was like, but he was, he was with you, but there's like this, I don't know what he's saying. He's like, he's like, this relationship is a spiritual presence that's meant to be in your life. And he's saying that the safety and security inside is what You've always deserved my son, he says.

You've always deserved that safety and that security inside of you. And that, that is the greatest learning of your life, is that sense of safety inside. He's saying that the next phase of your development is not about force, it's about freedom and that it's going to actually be really effortless the more you stay in the conviction of what it is that you're doing, right?

Like the more that you're, It's so fully aligned in what we're talking about right now, right? And that clarity and that intention, he's just clapping his hands and clapping his hands and just bravo, bravo. I almost see him like a dad on the [00:32:00] sidelines at the game kind of, right? Like that's the vision he's giving me of just like pride, like what it would look like to be like that kind of dad.

And there's just like immense, intense pride for this gift that you've brought. But most proud, not of all the accomplishments, like he's like, yeah, that's cool. Like he's, he's cool. He's doing it. He's doing it. But of the work on yourself and the commitment and the conviction that you've made to yourself.

And in the service of others, you've been committing to yourself. And so he's, yeah. And he's saying it's going to be easy. It's going to be fun. And it's going to be in the flow and there's going to be a baby. Sorry. Um, and there's gonna be a connection to him, to the baby. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So funny.

And I think Martha can, can channel him. Wow. Does she talk to him? Probably. She never got to meet him. That's the one thing she's really sad about. No, but he, he's saying something like he talks to her.

Wow. I should ask her about that. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe she knows, maybe she, I think she does probably know, but there's like a, like he comes through to her to come to you.[00:33:00]

So it's almost, if you're really feeling stuck about anything or there's like a really like sit in meditation with her and just let her channel him because she has access. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, like she's got full access to him and he's saying, he's like almost like banging on the door like showing me knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, let, let me come through and she'll be like, hell yes, just make sure let's turn it on.

She can do that. You know, it's interesting that, you know, I was just talking about my dad right before this in another interview, actually, because I was reflecting on when you start to realize you go through your own healing journey as an adult.

You think about the love you received from your parents, but also the stuff that was unjust or unfair or how they could have messed you up or what they could have done differently and how you could also see them and accept them for where they were at in their journey, but also know it was painful was having this conversation about forgiveness and all this stuff just like an hour and a half ago and what you just said right now, one of the last conversations I had with my dad before he got in a car [00:34:00] accident, which then left him brain damaged for 17 years until he passed a couple of years ago.

Yeah. So he was physically here, but not kind of spiritually and emotionally gone, right? He wasn't the person that everyone knew him to be. And every time I saw him, it was really devastating. It was not like a good time when your father asked you, what's your name again? And what did you, didn't you used to play sports?

And where did you go to school? In the same conversation for 17 years. The last thing that he told me before he went on this trip and then had this injury was I'm going on a spiritual journey and I'm getting like, so I'm getting chills just thinking about it because you said that. And I never seen my dad like this before he went on this, this vacation.

He went to New Zealand and he said, I want to take my books, the Bible and another book and go on a spiritual journey. And I mean, he went on the most extreme spiritual journey of [00:35:00] Losing his identity, losing his health, losing, you know, his ego. Was, was shattered. He was not able to be the man that he was.

Yeah. I don't know. I'm just reflecting on it. I'm glad that you were able to share that. And I feel like what I heard him say was like, I'm on this journey with you, right? I got to say to you, there is such a presence of calm and serenity and he's definitely your primary guide, I think, like your greatest guide.

Yeah. And he's coming through and he is. Um, he's almost like a spiritual teacher to you and he wants to work with Martha. He wants to come through to her. And the baby, this is very personal, but like when you guys have a child, you're going to feel his presence in that child. Yeah. You will. You will. Oh, my love.

I love you. We only do big talk. I know. That's the, that's the core of our friendship. I know. And I get to have dinner with you tonight. I know. I'm excited. And we're having an early, early bird, early bird special at Jay Shetty's house because [00:36:00] Jay has boundaries and he's going to bed at nine o'clock. I mean, it's really important that, you know, we've got these boundaries now.

We're all grown up. I'm still figuring it out, but yeah. I love you so much. I love you too. And I'm just, I'm so happy to be able to extend that pride from your father to me to you. Yeah. I love you. I appreciate it. Yeah.

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you're truly committed to miracles. I'm really proud of you. If you want to get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience at this show means a lot to me, so I really want to welcome you to leave an honest review.

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