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Early in my career, I immersed myself in the spiritual perspectives of forgiveness. Forgiveness has the ability to catalyze miraculous shifts in our lives. It liberates us, allowing us to dwell in the present moment, released from the burdens of past shame and the fears of the future. 

This state of freedom is where our true shift occurs—we reclaim our innocence, our light, and our inner harmony.

While forgiveness may seem insurmountable to many, it is the key to setting yourself free.

In today’s episode you’ll learn:

  • A prayer for self-forgiveness
  • How to forgive past moments so you can be free in the present
  • How to stop people-pleasing
  • An EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping practice to let go of rage

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disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #249 Mar 03, 2025 emotional wellbeing

rage, forgiveness and freedom from the past

[00:00:00] The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Hey there. Welcome to Dear Gabby. I'm your host, Gabby Bernstein. And if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you're ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let's get started.

Welcome back to Dear Gabby, my friends. Welcome back. You know, guys, I get these questions a lot, and this is, God, this is a huge question I got a The first person who got up to ask a question, asked me a doozy, big one, a huge question, something that, uh, a lot of the people, my friends in the audience were freaked out because they weren't sure if I could answer it, but I always can.

I always can. And it was a question about forgiveness. And the woman asked, how do I forgive the person who [00:01:00] sexually assaulted me? And everyone in the room kind of was like, oh, you know, how is she going to answer this? And I was really, really clear with my answer. I was really clear that that forgiveness isn't for them.

It's for her. That when we learn the power of forgiveness. We recognize that it is releasing ourselves of the stronghold of the past. Forgiveness is a gift that we bestow upon ourselves. Yes, we do let the other people off the hook energetically, but it doesn't mean that we right their wrongs. It means that we forgive and release ourselves of the traumas of our past.

Now that was a real big one. And some of you might now just be like, you know, I've got some anger towards my friend or I can't forgive myself for something or I can't forgive that person who made me feel bad. Maybe it's not as extreme, but it still feels extreme inside of you. Today's [00:02:00] episode is going to really really teach you the method of forgiveness, teach you the spiritual principle of forgiveness.

And so we're going old school right now, and we're revisiting three beautiful conversations that I had with listeners. And this was recorded back in 2021 when the podcast first launched. And I loved this episode so much that I wanted to bring it back as a comeback episode, because What I offered these folks, I mean, who knows if they even remember this, but what I offered them, these beautiful souls had such profound questions for me and the guidance that I offered them is very applicable for us right now.

And I want you to stick around all the way through the end because I gave a guided EFT tapping exercise on releasing rage and forgiving. And one of the things that we hold on to most when we're not able to forgive is that anger and that rage. And so there's, there's a really, really valuable experience for you in this.

And there's a message from. my book Judgment Detox. Judgment Detox is kind of like a sleeper hit. Whenever people are like, I loved Judgment Detox, I'm like, you're a hardcore reader. That [00:03:00] is a hardcore spiritual student that is willing to go through that book and do that work because that is a game changing book.

So here's a message from Judgment Detox. Now you're all going to go out and read Judgment Detox. I highly recommend that you do. Here's the message. Our unwillingness to forgive even the most horrific events. Is what keeps us in the judgment cycle. We judge others because we believe that it's a way to protect ourselves from the events from the past.

Then we judge ourselves for judging. In the case of deeply traumatic events, we may feel more justified in our judgment. We might feel justified in our judgment of the perpetrator, but that judgment still blocks us from peace. It keeps the traumatic wounds open as we continue to perceive ourselves as victims.

Liberation from judgment requires our willingness to forgive. Without forgiveness, we continue to live in the shadows of our past and our projections of the future. This isn't to say we need to forgive immediately. We simply need to be willing to forgive. Our willingness is [00:04:00] enough to open the door to forgiveness.

When we become willing, Spirit hears our call and guides our path. The metaphysical text, A Course in Miracles, says do nothing, do nothing, and let forgiveness show you what to do. Looking at our separation and judgment from the lens of our internal teacher makes forgiveness possible. Spirit will guide us to see that what we perceive others to have done, is what we continue to do to ourselves.

We keep fear alive through our unwillingness to forgive, and the moment that we become willing, spirit can step in and reverse the effects of judgment and fear. Ultimately, forgiving others frees us from the burden of judging them. By being willing to forgive, even if we aren't sure how it will happen or how long it will take, we allow ourselves to begin to heal.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you let somebody off the hook for seriously hurting you, and it certainly doesn't mean that you need to have the person in your life, but you no longer have to expend energy on judging them. You can instead [00:05:00] be free. Forgiveness isn't something we have to figure out or accomplish.

Forgiveness is a gift that can be bestowed upon anyone who truly wants it. So this is a practice and, and it's, it's, it's a method and it's something I want you to really, really, really take in today. And if you're really wanting to go deeper on your journey of forgiveness, My book, Self Help, has a whole chapter called Self Forgiveness, and it's a practice that I highly recommend.

Really, if you practice self forgiveness, forgiving others becomes more second nature. And today, guys, guess what? You can get the book, the e book for 4. 99. There's a special discount today on the e book. Go to Amazon, head over to Amazon and get the e book. You can get it for 4. 99 today. And this is definitely happening in the U.S., and if you're in other countries, there's an equivalent discount code happening.

So if you haven't gotten your copy of Self Help yet, go check it out. Enjoy getting the e book at 4. 99. It's a very low [00:06:00] risk way of starting this process. People are just saying that this book is absolutely changing my life.

That's what one reader said. And someone said, as someone who has struggled with depression, trauma, and addictions most of my life, these practices and methods have transformed my life and given me hope that I never thought was possible. And someone else wrote about self help, Gabby, you truly are a miracle worker.

I'm forever grateful to you and all the incredible work you bring to this world. And so I really recommend that this be your path. Go check out self help for 4. 99 today. Go get the ebook for 4. 99 on Amazon and enjoy that journey and guide yourself through.

Let's begin this episode now, pulling a card from the spirit junkie deck. That's the deck I pulled for you guys today. Let's pull a card from the Spirit Junkie deck, my friends. Here we go. What does the universe have in store for us today with the Spirit Junkie deck? What is our message [00:07:00] for this show? Our deck?

I'm shuffling, I'm shuffling, I'm shuffling. It's my card deck with all of these affirmations from my life. Here we go. I'm mixing up the deck. Let's see what the universe has in store for us today. Here we go. This is a great theme for today. When I see good in others, I acknowledge it out loud. That's an easy theme for me here because all I want to see in each of you is the good in you.

I want you to come here on this show and have the freedom to express the good, the bad and the ugly. I want this to be a place where you can know that even in your darkest moments, there is grace. That even in your most uncomfortable situations, there is a divine opportunity for personal growth. That even in the people who have caused you the most harm, there is good.

There is good in those souls. [00:08:00] It's when we can see the good, even in those who have caused us the most harm, that we can truly understand the meaning of forgiveness. And forgiveness is the conduit for miracles. Forgiveness is the undoing of a fear based belief system. Forgiveness is a reconnection to the truth of who we are.

A lot of people on a spiritual path get really hung up about forgiveness. They start to feel like, how could I possibly forgive, or really not just people on a spiritual path, people in general, could feel the feeling of how could I possibly forgive someone for this thing that they did to me or for this horrific event.

I get it. I get it. I get it. But when we carry a resentment, they say in the 12 Steps, it's like drinking poison or taking that bat and hitting yourself over the head with it. When we become willing to forgive, when we become willing to see the good in all, [00:09:00] the God in all, that is when we begin to know the true meaning of forgiveness, the miracle of forgiveness.

The freedom of release and surrender from the bondage and the burden of carrying a resentment of bringing the past into the present and projecting it onto the future. Our ability to see the good, even in the people who have caused us the most harm is our greatest superpower because it will ground us back into the truth of who we are, which is that same goodness, which is that God within us.

This is clearly a topic I think that needed to come through today, forgiveness. The universe always hooks us up with what we need. I've got my deck right here. I'm going to put it down now. When I see the good in others, I acknowledge it out loud. Boom. There we go, my friends. [00:10:00] All right, guys, let's Take this theme, seeing the good in others, acknowledging it out loud, bringing forth a vibe of forgiveness into this theme for our show today.

I think this will be a very powerful episode that has the transformational possibilities in front of us because it's a, forgiveness is a spiritual topic I've been teaching for 15, 16 years now. And, uh, I'm really psyched that it's coming up here on the show. So let's see what we get here now. Let's bring in our first guest.

Let's see what comes through. Let's see what we get. And I'm ready for you guys. I'm ready. Bring them in. Hi, sweetheart. Hi. Wow. I literally just told my husband that there was no way that I was coming on today. And here I am. You're a super attractor. You're here. Wow, I, this is crazy. Okay, [00:11:00] currently in school to become a breathwork facilitator.

Oh, cool. How awesome. Yeah, but I'm struggling with resistance of I'm not enough and my family is not fully behind this whole spiritual path that I'm on. They don't quite get it. They're just not fully on board and it actually me and my mom got into a huge fight the other day and this card hits home and the whole forgiveness thing hits home because now I've realized that my mom and I's relationship is very broken and there's lots of forgiveness there and there's lots of healing to do and it's come up in my breathwork practices in this last week.

So, What are some tips on, because she is, we live in the same town, she's very involved in my life, but I need to put up those boundaries and she doesn't respect them. So how do I stand strong in my boundaries with my mom? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. All right, love. Here we go. There's a lot that you brought up here, feelings of worthiness, [00:12:00] forgiveness, and boundaries.

I think that forgiveness as it's the theme that's been presented to us is going to be the segue into the resolution for all of it because you've admitted very openly now and you have a lot of self awareness and spiritual background and, and clearly personal growth experience to have the awareness that your experience with your family, particularly your mother has.

Giving you a belief system of who am I to do this, and here it is again, here it is again, who am I to do this, how can I possibly be on a spiritual path and be a spiritual teacher and lead my breath work with this way that I want to move forward. So the practice of forgiveness is a radical experience because it helps us not only undo the burden of that inflicted belief system or pain or suffering from the past.

But it also releases us of the [00:13:00] attachment to the bond that is negative, right, that vibration. You're saying, I want to create boundaries. Forgiveness literally is a massive invisible boundary because we don't have energetic boundaries when we're emotionally entangled in relationships. So we get, we get cords that attach, right?

We talked about cord cutting here on the show before. Maybe we can do that now. We talk about cords getting attached with loved ones, particularly parents. I always say that your family members, particularly your parents, are the ones that can push your buttons most because they're the ones who put them there.

And so we have this entanglement that starts to affect us as adults. And the stories from the past and the emotional connection and that sort of interwoven mending of relationship stuff carries into the present. So you have the awareness, you have the acknowledgment, there's a lot of pathways to cutting those cords and releasing those attachments that are negative and [00:14:00] creating boundaries.

And today we're going to hit it from the angle of forgiveness. So what I want to really emphasize is that your mother's need to control or your mother's need to make you be a certain way or inflict her ideas onto you are merely a reflection of her own wounds. I see you shaking your head and you know, you know what I mean.

Yep. You're where you're with me on that one. Right? Sweetheart. The cord cutting makes so much sense. So I was a drug addict for four years and my mom and dad had custody of my daughter for those four years and a lot of the boundaries I'm starting to put up now, I'm five years clean. I've been fully present in my daughter's life for five years, but my mom doesn't get that and steps on my toes and overrides me when it comes to my daughter.

And that's where we're butting heads now. So cutting cords and cutting those. Emotional ties, it's so much fricking sense. So you're clean and sober five years and your mom still [00:15:00] is trying to control the situation because she's got fear. She's got trauma around. I just want to keep coming back to your mom's experience because sometimes the quickest way into a heart opening experience of forgiveness is by recognizing the wound in the other.

Think about you and your daughter, right? Imagine witnessing your own daughter go through addiction and how scary that would be. And what do we do when we're scared? We try to control. And we use the, the forces of control to help ourselves feel safe. And you're her baby, no matter what the past and the history might be.

You're always her baby. And there's this tremendous fear of what if that happens again? What if the spiritual path is going to open up some other door or who knows what her storyline is, but it's based on fear. And so I want you to do an exercise of seeing her for the first time. And this is a chapter in my book, judgment [00:16:00] detox.

It's called C for the first time. And it's a practice of. Seeing that person, typically it's a parent, but seeing that person who is, you know, trying to control you or someone who's caused you harm. And I'd like to suggest that you do this with somebody that, you know, hasn't necessarily done something horrific, horrific to you because sometimes really scary stuff like, you know, like an abuser or something, it may be too soon to do that.

But a parent that's like trying to control you or an ex boyfriend, this is a great beginning step is to start to see her for the first time. And the practice is. Really creating a written list of all of the qualities in your mother that you admire the qualities that you're grateful for. And maybe even start to go to the place of recognizing what are her wounds, you know, what are the things that are driving her to feel the need to control me?

Because one of the fastest ways to forgiveness is to recognize the humanity [00:17:00] and the good, which is what our card says. When I see good in others, I acknowledge it out loud. Acknowledging it to yourself is a massive step forward in your. potential to forgive. What ultimately will happen is as you see her for the first time, as you see her humanness, as you see the God in her, as you see the love in her, as you see her in her light and in her motherhood and in her grace and in all that she has brought into your life, the good, you will begin to release her.

As you release her, you become released. As you let go of that resentment, that attachment, That anger, that frustration, you dissolve the boundaries with love and you create a healthier baseline. This can all be done on the energetic plane, [00:18:00] sweetheart. You don't have to do this. You might be spiritually called to speak up and say something to her.

But it's not necessary. It can all happen on the energetic field. I'm going to send you a copy of my book, Judgment Detox. Okay. Oh my God. Thank you so much. Yes. Full of this. Just I feel lighter almost like I can't wait to, I'm going to watch the rest of it, but I can't wait to get off and go journal and like start seeing my mom in a new light.

So thank you. Thank you. You're so cute. You're like, I want to watch the rest, but I can't wait to start my practice. It's great. You can do it while you can start your list and just keep that list going.

And then when you meditate and you do your sound healing, do it with that list and just connect to that list and connect to that list and keep adding to it and see for the first time and I share a story in my about a parent and my relationship in my book judgment detox about this beautiful experience of seeing my father for the first time and just seeing him with so much grace and all the beauty and all of the [00:19:00] magnificence of who he is and and that vision of him is such a beautiful vision for me right I can't wait to have that my heart expands when you talk about it like I just I can't wait to hold my mom in that space because I'm not right now.

And I do. I want to get there. And then what will happen is it doesn't mean that she, first of all, she will change when your energy changes. It's just, it's just the law, but it won't matter. That's the beautiful part. You'll be so released and at ease that even when she acts out, you'll see her through the lens of love.
Because you've learned to see her for the first time. Okay? Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Beautiful, sweetheart.

Hello, my friends. I want to tell you about an awesome new podcast network that I'm really obsessed with. It's called Misunderstood, the ADHD in women channel. This is a collection of podcasts made by women for women with [00:20:00] ADHD. And that's me. Here you can listen to candid conversations from women just like us.

And get this, it's the first of a kind. There are none others like this. It's a bit hard to believe, but this is why it's so genius. For decades, women with ADHD have been overlooked and undiagnosed, but that's finally beginning to change. This is where Misunderstood comes in. Misunderstood features three original shows from the Understood podcast network.

They give you tips from an ADHD coach, analysis paralysis, bringing you personal stories and practical tips. ADHD and rejection sensitivity is hosted by a psychologist who explores the intersection of ADHD and everything else. And sorry, I missed this setting boundaries and relationships with ADHD, which was one that literally saved my life.

I made my husband listen to it. I was like, this explains me, man. So the misunderstood podcast channel lets listeners feel a sense of connection with others who share similar experiences, and they can learn from experts in the field and they can gain valuable strategies is. for managing their own [00:21:00] ADHD.

It's all part of this amazing nonprofit organization called understood. org to listen to misunderstood the ADHD and women channel. Just search for misunderstood in your podcast app that's spelled M I S S U N D E R S T O O D the ADHD in women channel. My friends. One of the coolest things that I do on a daily basis is I'm focusing and thinking about.

MyGabbyCoachingMembers, and these are the folks that are inside my Gabby Coaching Membership app. I coach them every day in their pocket, and I'm constantly thinking about what they need, what they want, what they want more of. I just recently did a survey, and my members all said that they wanted more meditation, so I've been recording really long, amazing meditations, like sleep meditations, and abundance meditations, and morning meditations and meditations for feeling safe inside.

And so I've been deep in it. And I've also been recording for my members, this gorgeous 21 day guided path, and it's called trust the universe. And [00:22:00] it's like the manifesting challenge, but it's really about trusting the universe and putting yourself in the seat of safety and confidence. And transforming your fear into faith.

A lot of it's actually based on the principles of my book, the universe has your back. And so I'm just completed this recording. It's coming out inside the membership this month. And I just think it's one of the coolest things I've done is just created this membership app. And so if you're listening to this show and you're not familiar with the Gabby coaching app, or you've been hearing about it and you haven't tried it, I encourage you to give it seven days.

Just try for seven days. Especially if you try this month because you'll get a chance to experience a little bit of that journey that I've created. There's hundreds of meditations in here. There's daily affirmations in there. There's you open and you pull a card. You can also do card readings for your friends where you swipe and you can pull affirmation cards and do readings for your friends.

There's every single day new two minute daily coaching practices. There's long form coaching practices. There's Gabby's in the moment when you're on the fly and you're feeling stressed, you can get Gabby. And like these little messages [00:23:00] I have for you in the moment. If you're thinking I needed some more spiritual support, I want more consistency with my spiritual practice, then definitely, definitely, definitely go try the app, deargabby.com/app. That is deargabby.com/app. You can try it for seven days for free. You're going to love it.

I love our theme for today, forgiveness, rock and roll. What a good theme for this show today. Here we go. Thank you, Amanda. All right, who's next? Hey man! Hey, how's it going? It's going good, how are you doing? Doing well, really surprised to be here. You know, sometimes it's just meant to be your day here on Dear Gabby.

This is your moment, baby. It's all about you. Yeah. It's crazy. So I'm doing well. Recently, I've been working on trying not to please people. I feel like that's held me back in a lot of ways, just caring too much about what other people think. Recently, I've just been really specifically working on that and trying to just [00:24:00] be free and just not really care what other people think or have to say about what I do.

Okay. People pleasing. You want some help with that? You want some help with how to, how to recover from that? I would love some help from that. That'd be great. Okay. Bye. So. When you feel the need to people, please, do you know if there's like a common story that comes up for you, like, or a feeling, or is there sort of a common theme when you get triggered to people, please?

Oh, there's a fear of not being accepted. There you go. I feel like I always have to go that extra step to make sure that they accept me. And I feel like that kind of stems from childhood and my family thing. Of course. And so I turned to addiction for a while, and I've been sober for a while. And so I feel like, I feel like people pleasing was a main thing that kept me down.

When I'm able to choose myself and put myself above, you know, as a first priority, I'm able to, I'm able to do so much, so much more with my life that I wasn't [00:25:00] able to. Well, first of all, how long have you been sober? I've been sober for about two and a half years. Yes. Yes, my friend. Yes. Have you been in a program or sober on your own?

What have you been? How have you been going? So I did AA for about 18 months and then I got real into a couple of your books and I did some Course in Miracles work and some, uh, some Marianne Williamson. And so I've been working on that lately, uh, manifestation, just continuing to better understand myself.

Beautiful. Okay. So I just want to identify something that's such a beautiful. moment for you is when we get clean and sober and we put down the drink and the drug or the original drug of choice that was the big problem, right? Right, yeah. All the other addictive patterns start to come up because we have to kind of, especially in early recovery, we look to other coping mechanisms to start to feel safe, right?

Or feel good enough. People pleasing is just another form of addiction. [00:26:00] It's another form of trying to stay safe. Trying to numb out a fearful experience from the past. If I'm not good enough, that's the same reason you used, right? You use because you didn't want to feel the feeling of not being good enough and you wanted to get out of that feeling of fear.

So the people pleasing, if it can be addressed as serious as an addiction. If it can be addressed and committed to, as much as you have committed to sobriety, if it can be addressed and committed to, as much as you committed to the 12 steps, and if you can even consider working with a sponsor on this, by the way, you know, this is, there's a program for this.

It's called Al Anon. Because the Al Anon program is for addicts and it's also for the loved ones of addicts. Because often what happens when we are an addict or we are in a relationship with an addict, there is a codependent entanglement of if I'm not serving, I'm not good enough. If I'm not saving everybody else, I'm not good enough.

That, resonates with you, Wilson, yes? [00:27:00] Yes, very much so. So my offering, like I can't be promoting the 12 step programs because it's just part of the rules here, but I want to acknowledge that there are resources. So a great resource for you, and it could be a beautiful next step in your recovery journey, is to build in an Al Anon program, to potentially work with an Al Anon sponsor, to do the steps around the feeling and the need to save everybody else.

Right. It has the same root cause. As the drugs and the alcohol, the root cause of I'm not good enough. If I'm not. Saving everybody else. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a few things here. Number one, the same level of commitment that you've brought to your sobriety, I would recommend bringing here because this is still tackling this.

Now. Very proud of you. By the way, this is early in your recovery to be touching on this stuff. Tackling this. Now, sweetheart [00:28:00] is a huge step in strengthening your sobriety. Right? In addition, it's another entry back into the steps because, you know, listen, I always say those of us who have addiction and find our way to a program like that are so blessed because we can walk into any room in the world or go on a Zoom in anywhere in the world and listen to people who are like us.

It's a big reason why I created Dear Gabby is because not everybody has the privilege of entering into a 12 step meeting. I wanted to create a place here where we could just speak about the truth. and, and, and hear truth and not feel alone in that truth. But you qualify, man. You qualify for these rooms.

You qualify for these meetings. I'm just making a suggestion that they're there and there's another form of them, which is Al Anon, which could be really transformational. Now, the same way with alcoholism and you getting sober, you've got your, you know, witnessing how you've been [00:29:00] powerless over the substance and your life has become unmanageable.

I can see that you already are aware of how you're, you're powerless over the people pleasing and your life is unmanageable with it. Yep. You know. Yeah, I see you smiling. And, you know, the next step is just, you know, it's not even necessarily following, yes, I would say follow the 12 steps, but even just for here for today, your willingness is the door that's opening up that spiritual opportunity for you to grow.

So I want to recommend that you continue to bring this back to your spiritual practice. And when you feel the need. to overgive for the fear of not being good enough. I want you to rely on your higher power of your own understanding to give you that love that you need to be reminded of, even if you fake it till you make it.

That will come through prayer, my love. The prayer is very simple. It can just be this. God, universe, whoever you talk to, I notice saying that I want a people please right now because I'm not feeling good [00:30:00] enough. Thank you for surrounding me with love and reminding me of my grace and helping me forgive my past so I can be at peace in the present.

But even in your own words, right, give it over, give it over. Because often when we're early in our recovery, we are looking outside of ourselves and late in our recovery 16 years sober. It's still happening in my life at times. We are looking outside of ourselves for ways to feel good within. But with a spiritual foundation, we can turn to our higher power of our own understanding to give us that strength inside ourselves, to remind us of that strength.

So if you say a prayer like that, you know, I'm noticing that I'm, that this is up, thank you for revealing the grace within me, maybe an hour later. You'll be guided to a book that falls off the shelf and you open the book and that book reminds you exactly of how great, you know, your strength is and you start to feel good again and then maybe a few hours later you'll be, [00:31:00] you know, an opportunity to people please will show up and you'll just have the awareness and the willingness and the bravery to be like, you know, I'm going to be silent right now and just let this unfold.

I just want to emphasize that we underestimate the power of our prayer. And the power of turning over our fears. When we have the bravery to say, take this from me, God, universe, spirit, grandma, whoever, take this from me, reorganize this, please give me the strength to show up new, miracles happen. I'm speaking to you specifically, Wilson, in this spiritual way, because you've already revealed to me that this is something you've gone deeper into, studying A Course in Miracles, reading my books.

So that spiritual foundation of asking God or the universe or whatever you refer to it as to undo that old belief system and help you reclaim this new way of being, [00:32:00] I want it to be a habit for you, baby. Got to be right. And I really want to bring it back right now to forgiveness because you said you wanted, you started studying the course and a course in miracles for anyone who's not familiar as a metaphysical text based on the principle that through the experience of forgiveness we can live a miracle.

We can live a miraculous life because when we forgive, we undo the fears of the past so that we can become free in this present moment. And that is the miracle. And so what I want to emphasize for you today is that you have a miracle moment right now by really opening up through this experience.

It's a way of forgiving those past moments, so that you can be free in this present moment. And so through the power of your prayer, of saying, you know, thank you for revealing to me the ways that I can do this. I've given you a thousand prayers now, so we're going to have to come back to this episode and listen to it.

Thank you for, for helping me forgive my past, so I can be free in this present moment. Being in the [00:33:00] consistent prayer of the willingness and the bravery to let go of that fear based belief system that has led you to addiction, led you to people pleasing, led you to destructive patterns and having the openness to be guided to do it differently, to live differently.

so much will begin to unfold naturally for you. Sometimes we can do less and attract more through the power of prayer. And so I'm speaking to you spiritual student to spiritual student right now. Pray, ground yourself in the desire to be released of this additional addiction, right? This other form of addiction.

You know, somebody said something beautiful to me today, Wilson. I was getting a message from my friend who's a medium, and she was talking to me about another friend of mine that was struggling, and she was giving me some advice for her. And she said, you know, you have to remind her that she deserves to feel safe too, that she has guides too, that she has her, a God of her own understanding too.

So I think that that came to me today to [00:34:00] also come to you. You deserve to feel safe. Okay, sweetheart. Yes. Thank you so much. God, you are so wonderful, my sweet. How old are you? 24. That's over at 22. Yes. You guys make me so emotional. I cry. I just, I want to, I want you to look me in the eye right now. And I want you to hear me, you're doing everything right.

You're amazing. I am so proud of you. You are good enough. You're great. You're just great. And the difficult experiences that you've had in your past that led you to this moment now are great gifts because at a very young age, my friend, you are going to live a miraculous life. You're brave. I'm proud of you.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I can't wait to see where you go with this. Stay connected. Keep me posted. Have you read Spirit Junkie? My book Spirit Junkie? I haven't read that one yet. I'm going to send you a copy of Spirit Junkie. Awesome. Thank you for letting me go on a spiritual tangent about prayer because I [00:35:00] just want you to remember where your roots are in your recovery.

Appreciate that. Yeah. You, you have a lot of powerful love around you. Wilson. Go Wilson, go! I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for being on Dear Gabby. I love you. Thank you. What a gem. Wow. Do you believe these people? They're amazing.

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who's next? Hi, sweetheart. Oh, wow. Okay. It's you. How are you? It is me, my love. How you doing, baby? How you going? I'm doing good. Wow. The timing of this is so funny because I was having a day yesterday and I listened to your podcast. And I compared your voice to, like, a mother calling me down from, you know, the problems that happened that day.

And you actually mentioned something that I didn't know about you before. You said your whole life you went with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder resulting from childhood trauma and TTSD. Same exact for me. I actually, I've been trying to work on myself my whole life, like pretty much since I was 14, but without any direction.

And then within the past few years, I [00:40:00] finally found out like, Hey, you had a narcissistic parent. You have residual anxiety, you have complex PTSD. And so this has all really helped me to kind of focus my therapy and, and my work on myself. And speaking of forgiveness today, I've actually been able to forgive my mom.

Which was the narcissistic parent at the time and so that was a huge first step but my main concern is that I still have so much anger and you know, one of the things I'm dealing with right now is like my dad's role and How I became the way I am today And, you know, because this went undiagnosed for so long, I attracted relationships that were like a physically abusive ex, a narcissistic ex, and like both of those were really traumatizing.

So, you know, people have even said to me like, Oh, it seems like you hate men, which, you know, I, I don't want to be that person, but I want to get rid of this anger and it's, it's overflowing into, you know, personal [00:41:00] interactions, it's showing up as trauma responses. And I don't know what to do, so. Okay, let's tap while we talk, okay?

So let's talk just for a minute, and I want you to tap on that karate chop point, okay? And it's the side of the hand. Just let's just tap while we talk, if that's okay. Just, I just, you know, I, I want to acknowledge the rage. Okay. Okay, baby. And this is so important for a show on forgiveness. I'm so grateful, Lauren, for this coming up today, sweetheart.

So if you're listening to the show right now, practicing emotional freedom technique, which means to tap just tapping. And right now we're just going to tap on the side of the hand, which is a point that will help us relax. And as we tap and we talk, we can start to self regulate. Okay, sweetheart, we're gonna just, just talk and tap on the karate chop point right now.

And if you're not driving and listening, just tap while we, while you listen, because you'll borrow the benefits. So tap with me as we talk, and let's just go here for a second. So this is the, the lesson, my love, as we tap this through, [00:42:00] is that forgiveness doesn't, Override rage because you can't skip that step. You can't skip that step. Okay, and rage is a necessary part of trauma recovery.

It's a necessary part of relationship recovery. It's a necessary part of just healing in general when we deny that rage and we make it impermissible. It gets stored in our jaw, it gets stored in our gut, it gets stored in our back pain.

It keeps us up at night with insomnia. It causes undiagnosed depression and, and anxiety. It, yeah, you're really, I see the emotions coming through you right now. Checking all the boxes. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, yes. So without really, that's why I feel the call to tap with you because I want to give you some relief right now, right here, right now.

This is a miracles now [00:43:00] moment. Okay, my love. So let's just keep talking just a little bit about the fact that we can't deny the rage and moving and experiencing and expressing the rage is a part of the path towards releasing and becoming free and true forgiveness. And forgiveness of a family member, particularly in this case where there's been abuse and narcissism and, and violence, potentially, I don't know exactly, it looks like that might be part of the story, ish, or just emotional violence, let's just say, right?

Am I correct, Lauren? I don't want to put words in your mouth. Not physical, but yeah, the other ones. Yes. Emotional abuse. It's a slow, slow process towards the practice of forgiveness, and I'm not going to ask for you to have it happen overnight, but we're going to peel back the onion. And today we're going to start with rage.

Okay. All right. So, would you be open to tapping with me on this rage here right now? Yeah, I love it. I'm becoming more present as time goes on, so this is great. And we'll take it slow. We're not going to go heavy into this. This isn't, you know, a private session. This is public. Okay? So, when we tap, we tap on this karate chop point to begin [00:44:00] with, and we identify the most pressing issue.

So, what is the most pressing issue? I have so much rage for my, against my father, rage towards my father. It's definitely the most recent one. I think, you know, and in general sense, there's, you know, having to self protect as a child and the feeling that people are out to get me when, when they're not and, you know, that mistaking an attack, you know, as it's not reality basically.

Correct. Got you. So, the thing that's up for you right now, though, at like, a high level is this rage towards your dad. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay. So could we say on a scale of zero to 10, where is that rage towards your dad right now? Eight or nine. An eight or nine. Okay. So let's, let's use the most pressing issue.

I've got rage towards my dad and anyone that's listening can use this and tap along with us. Tapping is really a therapeutic, beautiful practice of, of. Using these different energy [00:45:00] meridians and talking about the emotional disturbance today being rage and really helping activate the amygdala to release that fight flight response and get us back down to a grounded state and we start by rating that most pressing issue zero to ten.

Everybody else that's listening can rate their rage towards whoever and even if it's towards yourself from a scale of zero to ten, ten being the highest, you can rate it now and if you're not driving, you can tap along.

So tapping on the rage, you're going to follow along with me and I'm going to give you the as we talk. And what I want you to do, Lauren, is repeat after me. while we tap. Okay, sweetheart. Here we go. Even though I have this rage towards my dad, even though I have this rage towards my dad, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and everyone that's listening.

I want you to tap along because you're going to borrow the benefits of your own rage from whatever it might be. So we're tapping on that karate chop point and we're at, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. [00:46:00] Say it out loud, Lauren. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have this rage towards my dad.

Even though I have this rage towards my dad. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. And even though I've got this rage towards my dad. And even though I've got this rage towards my dad. I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Tapping on the eyebrow, which is right where the hair meets the bone, right there on the side of the eyebrow. It doesn't matter what side you tap. I've got this rage. I've got this rage. Side of the eye. And it's like a eight or a nine. It's an eight or a nine. Under the eye. And it keeps me in fear. And it keeps me in fear.

Under the nose. And I'm outraged. And I am outraged. Chin. They treat a [00:47:00] child like this. How could they treat a child like this? Collarbone. All this rage. All this rage. Under the arm. Right where the bra line is. I am freaking outraged. I am freaking outraged. Top of the head, I'm freaking outraged. I'm freaking outraged.

Eyebrow. I want to punch something. I definitely want to punch something. Side of the eye. I want to freaking punch something. I want to freaking punch something. Under the eye. I want to effing punch something. I want to effing punch something. Under the nose. I am so outraged. I am so outraged. Chin. And I give myself permission to have that rage right now.

I give myself permission to have that rage right now. Collarbone. And that rage lives in my body. That rage lives in my body. And I want to get that rage out. And I want to get that rage out. [00:48:00] Top of the head. I want it out. I want it out. Eyebrow point. I deserve to let it out. I deserve to let it out. Side of the eye.

I can be free from it. I can be free from it. Under the eye. I don't totally believe that yet. I don't totally believe that yet. Under the nose. That's fine. I just want to feel it right now. That's fine. I just want to feel it right now. Chin. I'm just gonna be mad. I'm just gonna be mad. Collarbone. It's okay to be mad.

It's okay to be mad. Under the arm. It's fine to be outraged. It's fine to be outraged. Top of the head, I deserve it. I deserve it. Eyebrow, I deserve to fully express my rage. I deserve to fully express my rage. Side of the eye, it's so safe. It's so safe. Under the eye, it's safe for me to express my rage.

It's safe for me to express my rage. Under the nose, take a deep breath. It's safe for me to express my rage. It's safe for me to express my rage. [00:49:00] Chin, just relax your jaw. It's safe for me to express my rage. It's safe for me to express my rage. Collarbone, It's healthy for me to express my rage. It's healthy for me to express my rage.

Under the arm, It's healthy for me to express my rage. It's healthy for me to express my rage. Top of the head, It's healthy for me to express my rage. It's healthy for me to express my rage. Eyebrow. I deserve to be able to take care of myself. I deserve to be able to take care of myself. Side of the eye.

I'm showing up for myself. I'm showing up for myself. I got Gabby here. I have Gabby here. I have a voice I can keep tuning into. I have a voice I can keep tuning into. On the chin. I know I'm not alone. I know I'm not alone. Collarbone. I'm taking care of myself right now. And I'm taking care of myself right now.

Under the [00:50:00] arm. I'm going to let myself have my rage as long as I want. I'm going to let myself have my rage as long as I want. Top of the head. I don't have to resist my rage anymore. I don't have to resist my rage anymore. Deep deep breath.

Let it go. Zero to ten. I have all this rage towards my father. Where are you now? Three? Yeah, girl! Look how light you are right now. We went from an eight or a nine to a three. We went Anybody else that's listening, rate your, where you were and where you are now. I want to hear where you guys are at. Yes, what a purge, right?

What a purge. I think that, Lauren, the, the message is not that we want to get rid of this rage. The message is I want you to feel it. You notice the second that we started to tap and I said, I can free myself from this rage. You were just, your whole face shut down. And you were like, No, I'm not fucking ready to let this go, right?

It's like you [00:51:00] could, I want you to feel it. I want you to be in it. I want you to express it. When we've experienced a attachment breach as a child and we didn't have a secure attachment, we feel that unconsciously that it's our fault. And We hold the burden of the shame that it was my fault as a child, right?

We hold that storyline. And as we start to unpack that and get therapy and dear Gabby and spiritual support, we start to realize. how innocent we were and how much it was not our fault. And that can make us really mad. And you deserve to be mad. Now you have every right to be outraged. And I mean that I want you to feel it.

I want you to work with it. I want you to befriend it. I want you to tap with it. I want you to [00:52:00] work with it. I see that emotion in you, my sweetheart. You see this, this is a beautiful moment for you. You're giving yourself and the little girl full permission to be outraged. Rage is not something we have to push down.

It's something we have to set free. Thank you. I didn't realize. Yeah. I guess. It's a valid emotion, right? It is, it is. We might even be taught by society that, you know. We are so taught that you'll get over it, you're fine, you know, you're an adult now, what's the problem? No, no, no, no. Your child parts are with you every freaking minute of the day.

And so you gotta give your child parts permission to be outraged. Hold them in that rage. As in your adult parts are outraged. Letting that, what often what happens is we protect ourselves from feeling that rage because it's such an impermissible feeling. But as soon as you start to let it out, as soon as you start to give it voice, and as soon as you start to let it [00:53:00] free, you free that little girl from the bondage of that storyline.

You free her from the suppression of the wound. And so in safe places, in your therapy, in your, you know, in your close friendships, in your journal, I want you to rage on the page. There's a lesson that I've often shared here on Dear Gabby, which is a practice of writing for 20 minutes. In your journal, Rage, Rage, Rage on the Page.

My friend Nicole talks about this as journal speak, and I renamed it for myself, Rage on the Page, where you open up a journal, I listen to binaural music, so it really stimulates both sides of the brain for a fuller experience of the full bodied emotions and a greater reprocessing of the emotions.

Listening to that binaural music, I have it in my Spotify, we'll put it in the show notes. And you'd rage on the page, rage on the page for 20 minutes, get it all out, [00:54:00] and then meditate with that music for another 20 minutes. Now, Lauren, if you can only do 10 and 10, fine, whatever you gotta do, but we have to get the subconscious rage out onto the page and free from the body, free from the gut, free from the back, free from the, from the insomnia, free from the, all the other physical ways that it manifests onto the page and release it.

Now, why don't you make this a daily practice? Okay. I've really been missing the soundbaths and the singing bowls since the pandemic, so. Great. Okay. Playlist. Yeah. So I really appreciate them. Yeah. I have a rage on the page playlist on my Spotify that you can just listen to at any time. I'll put it in the show notes and we did a lot today, Lauren.

We did a lot today. I'll put some more information about tapping in the show notes. We'll just, we'll hook everybody up. This was really big stuff. My love. My life has changed forever. So thank you. Thank you so much. We'll Yeah. You're doing great. You're just doing great. You're really great. My love. So much recovery that's behind you and so [00:55:00] much more in front of you and you're just, you're just doing great.

Bravo. Good. Good work. Good work. Good work. Thank you. I want to wrap this up as it relates to forgiveness, Lauren, that we can't skip the step of rage. We can't just throw pink paint over the problem as Marianne Williamson would say. We have to truly give ourselves. The full body permission to experience our experience of someone before we can fully release them.

So we don't want to override our rage in the practice of forgiveness. Okay. Big stuff. Big stuff. Big stuff. Big stuff. Go girl. Thank you. God bless. God bless. I am going to close this absolutely gorgeous episode. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for Being part of this conversation today, we all deserve to be free from the bondage of self attack, self judgment.

We [00:56:00] deserve to be free from the impermissible feelings of rage and terror. We deserve to feel supported and guided and fully loved. Forgiveness of ourselves and forgiveness of others is a direct path to that freedom. The practices shared on this show today are beautifully designed to remind you that anything you've done to this point in time is exactly as it's meant to be.

Accept it completely and fully. And in many ways, thank it. Thank that part of you that got you here. Thank even the most difficult relationships that caused you harm have revealed to you the greatness of who you are and revealed to you every single day the opportunity for greater strength and growth.

And when we see through that lens of love, we can see the experiences in our life for the first time. We can see them as moments of growth. We can see them as opportunities for strength. We can see them through the lens of forgiveness. I want you all to [00:57:00] know as I talk to you that you've done a really good job, you've done a really good job.

If you're listening to this show, it means that you are deeply committed to your personal growth. If you made it to the end of this show, it means that you are deeply devoted to your own inner growth and spiritual awakening and freedom from the past. If you listen to the end of this show, it means you are willing to forgive yourself.

Bravo. Nice job. Keep it up. Thank you for joining me here on Dear Gabby.

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you're truly committed to miracles. I'm really proud of you. If you want to get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience of this show means a lot to me, so I really want to welcome you to leave an honest review.

And you can follow me on social media at Gabby [00:58:00] Bernstein. And if you want to get in on the action, Sign up for a chance to be Dear Gabby'd live at DearGabby.com. See you next week.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Hi there, Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace.

I'm not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.