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This episode was recorded live during my Change Your Life tour. A year ago, I declared I was ready to “become new,” and boy, did the Universe deliver—just not in the way I had planned!

Tune in to hear how I finally healed a belief that had blocked me for 45 years and manifested a new reality. Plus, discover the simple practice I used to make it happen!

You’ll learn:

  • Why manifesting methods alone aren’t enough to create—and hold onto—you dream life
  • My simple method for turning inwards to access your own inner healer and supercharge your manifesting—I’ll guide you through a meditation
  • What happened to me in 2024 and how it led to one of the most profound shifts in my personal and spiritual growth
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This episode introduces powerful concepts from my new book, Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life

This isn’t just another self-help book—it’s a revolutionary guide to unlocking SELF energy— your own inner healer. This is the energetic state where old patterns heal, shame and fear dissipate, and you become a MAGNET for your greatest desires.

Ready to transform your life? Click here to order your copy today!

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disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #245 Feb 03, 2025 manifesting

uplevel your manifesting: how i healed a belief that blocked me for 45 years!

[00:00:00] The following podcast is a dear media production.

Hey there. Welcome to dear Gabby. I'm your host, Gabby Bernstein. And if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you're ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let's get started.

Welcome back, my friends. Welcome back to dear Gabby. Let me ask you a question. Are you ready to up level your manifesting? I know that everybody out there is like, yeah, duh. Yes, I am, Gabby. I'm ready to up level my manifesting. Well, this is what today's episode is all about. I'm going to teach you how I healed this belief that had been blocking me from manifesting my biggest desires.

It had been blocking me for 45 years. ears and how I healed that belief. This is [00:01:00] a beautiful practice that I teach in detail in this awesome high vibe live talk from my self help book tour launch. And the talk was so high vibe that. I had to bring it to you. And in it, I share this practice that really radically changed my life, healed the core belief that blocked me.

Because, you know, I always say we manifest what we believe. This practice healed the core belief so that I could begin to truly manifest what I really want. And we have to heal those beliefs. To uplevel our manifesting, period, period, period, period. As I'm saying this to you, it's 1 11 right now as I look at the clock and I'm recording this introduction.

And that to me is a sign that I am indeed upleveling your manifesting today. Get ready, people. I just got your sign. Now, another thing that came through as I, as I'm on this book tour journey and just kind of witnessing the gift of [00:02:00] having this book enter into people's hands is I got this incredible email today from a woman named Kanisha.

who shared her testimonial about self help, and this is so epic, I had to share it with you. She said, Dear Gabby and Gabby team, I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for your book, Self Help. Your words have been a guiding light, helping me connect with myself in ways I never imagined.

As I've been reading, I've been practicing the four step check in process with my anxious parts. And today, I had a profound breakthrough. I felt called to write a journal entry about the experience and I wanted to share it with you as a way of saying thank you for your wisdom, clarity, and how much this book has helped me.

And she goes on to share this gorgeous journal entry with me all about where her anxiety started, the surprising responses that she received when she read this journal entry. And then at the end of sharing this entry with me, she wrote, Gabrielle, your work has truly helped me embrace my anxious parts with love instead of resistance.

I found it almost [00:03:00] humorous that anxiety itself was the one guiding me toward relaxation, but the realization was exactly what I needed. Because of self help, I now have the tools to check in with myself in a way that feels safe, nurturing, and transformative. I just wanted to share this moment with you and let you know how deeply grateful I am for your teachings.

Thank you for sharing your light with the world. It is making such a big difference in mine. This is from Kanisha. I didn't need to go into all the details of what she shared, but she shared her four step check in journal process with the anxious part, and the anxious part of her revealed to her what it needed.

And when she asked that part, what would you be doing if you weren't in this extreme role? The part that I'd be relaxing. And so this is, this is the way. that we check in with these parts of ourselves. The way that we check in is through this four step check in process, which I've taught you guys now throughout different podcasts, it's going to come up again in this podcast today.

The four steps that will radically change the way you perceive your life, and the four steps that will [00:04:00] help you up level your manifesting, and the four steps that have helped me heal beliefs that blocked me for 45 years. And that's what we're going to get today. And that's what I'm thrilled to be able to share with you today.

So thank you, Kenesha, for sharing that story of your self help journey and going through the book and taking the four steps so seriously. I welcome you guys to leave reviews on Amazon and let me know how it's going because if you're reading the book and it's serving you, please tell me. I'll bring your reviews here onto these intros and I'll share them with my audience and let everybody kind of witness your miracles.

And on that note, I'm going to pull a card from one of my decks. Here we go. Okay. Let's grab. Let's grab a card. Let's grab a card. You can hear me shuffling. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Let's see what the universe delivers to us. Do you hear the shuffle? This is real. Shuffling. Here's your card, people. Couldn't be more perfect for today's episode.

I believe I'm worthy of feeling good. I believe I'm worthy of feeling good. [00:05:00] Repeat that to yourself today, I believe I'm worthy of feeling good. And take this gorgeous message, the message that is really the secret sauce, the secret sauce to upleveling your manifesting, to opening your heart to what's possible, to becoming a super attractor, is to believe that you're worthy of feeling good.

And this practice that I'm going to teach you in this episode today is the journey of undoing the beliefs that block your worthiness and that block you from feeling good. That is the perfect card. You can't make this stuff up, my friends. So here we are. We're going to jump into the episode. It's so gorgeous.

I can't wait for you to listen to it. And also, I just wanted you to know that you can join me live. There's a lot more talks coming up. So if you love this episode, then you're not going to want to miss what's coming. I'm going to be in Los Angeles this week, February 13th in LA at the Saban Theater. A hundred percent of the net proceeds are going towards fire relief efforts.

So if you're in the LA area, please join me. week on February 13th for my live [00:06:00] talk. And if you're in Boston, I'm going to be there on February 27th, then I'm coming to Australia, the UK, I'm going to be in Ireland, Canada, all over. So go to dearGabby.com/events.

So I'll leave you this before we jump into the episode. I believe I'm worthy of feeling good. Make that your mantra today. Enjoy this episode. Expect miracles.

Welcome back. Welcome back. I want to begin by just taking a moment. I was backstage with my makeup artist who flew in from Los Angeles, and the moment that I saw her, yeah, let's just have a big moment for L. A. Yeah. I actually burst into tears when I saw her, because I think when we hold this collective trauma, when we witness, particularly your neighbors, really, right here, And we witness and we experience what's happening in the world.

It's heavy. It's [00:07:00] intense. It's heartbreaking, truly. And I just wanted to just take a moment together in this room to hold a prayer for all of our brothers and sisters, for all of the land and for the animals. Okay, so let's just take a moment, place your hands in your lap, place your hands in your heart, place your hands in a prayer, whatever feels good for you.

But let's just Send all of the love and the energy and the connection in this divine room tonight to our brothers and our sisters and to the land and to the babies and to the children and to the animals and to all of the souls who have been experiencing the loss in this time. And we pray for resilience and we pray for light and we pray for grace and we pray for people to find peace no matter what's happening around them.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Two things can be true, right? We can be witnessing difficult things in the same moment as we can be showing up and [00:08:00] having a good time. We can be having fun along the way. And this has been my experience a lot lately. I'm just sort of witnessing these big shifts from one moment to the next, one feeling to the next, and just opening my heart to whatever is in front of me.

And this is the gift that I'm here to give you tonight. This gift of becoming new. I stood on the stage much like this last year. I did two talks back to back. I did a talk in New York and I did a talk in Los Angeles. And I stood on the stage. I proclaimed to my audiences that this was my season of becoming new.

And everybody was like, I'm ready, Gabby. I want to be new too. We're all just out there screaming. I'm going to be new. I'm ready to be new. And I got off the stage and I would see people in the streets of New York City and they'd be like, how are you, Gabby? And I'd be like, I'm new. I'm new. Doing great. I'm new.

And I was feeling it. I was committed to this new way of being. And in particular, I was working on a belief system that I wanted to release and transform, and that was [00:09:00] a belief system that I'd carried for 45 years. A belief that if I don't do it, nobody else will. Anybody know those core beliefs that you've had for.

Most of your life. You familiar with those beliefs? We're going to work with them tonight. And so this belief for me had really taken a major toll on my life. It had affected my work. It affected my career. It affected my relationships, my marriage, my child. It had been a big issue for me. And I was struggling with this and I was holding this and I just wanted to become new from this belief.

So I put it out to the universe and I said, I'm ready to become new. The universe will always deliver, but not always. That's how you expect it will. So here I was, and I was ready to become new, asking the universe, and three months later, I start waking up in the middle of the night with intense sweats, extreme anxiety.

Ladies are laughing. [00:10:00] Then I start having this insane rage, like the kind of rage where it's like, you know, punch the dashboard rage. And then I start losing my brain, like I literally can't remember anything, I'm like falling over things, I can't remember sh I am going through this extreme experience of not recognizing myself, not knowing who I am anymore, and then I started having hot flashes.

So any woman over 40 ish knows what I'm talking about. And I was 44 at the time. And I was like, what the hell is going on? No one prepared me for this. No one told me what this was. And here I was deep in perimenopause. My hormones were tanking. My brain was gone. I was sweating through the night, sweating through the days, raging like a machine.

It was a bad, bad, bad time. And we can laugh about it, ladies. You know, there was a lady in my audience last week in New York City, and she literally had her fan. And I was like, girl, I was like, you got the [00:11:00] fan in the, I was like, get patched up, honey. So I did whatever I could. I went on the mission of just uncovering whatever it was that I needed to do, whether it was medically, whether it was through my exercise, my food, I got patched up, I got my hormones, I got myself sorted.

Okay. I started feeling better. But the truth is, is that there was this moment of recognizing that when you go through this journey of perimenopause, you literally have no more to give. You know what I mean? The woman in the front's like, uh huh, no more shits to give. So the idea that I could even coexist with this old way of being was unfathomable.

There was no way that I could continue living without the boundaries that I needed to protect myself or overriding myself with the belief that if I don't do it, nobody else will, or not asking for help, or not expecting. I was expecting the help that I deserved. There was no way that I could carry on in this way, and I was committed and devoted not only to my physical recovery, but to [00:12:00] my emotional recovery, to healing the core wound that I had carried for two decades or more.

And I was ready to finally release. So the universe had a plan better than I did. Let's make her sweat. And I really put myself on this beautiful journey, this beautiful path of recognizing and uncovering all of the stories and beliefs and patterns that had held me in this story that had been holding me back for so long.

And this core belief that I had to tend to required a befriending. It required a direct line inward. It required a commitment to my internal condition. It required extreme compassion, connection, clarity.

It required creativity, it required a commitment inside, it required a relationship to my own inner healer, my highest self, [00:13:00] the self with a capital S, the self that is that voice of compassion and connection and courage and curiosity and commitment, the voice that is within all of us, the inner parent, the inner healer, the inner guide that was waiting for me to start to sweat.

So that I could actually finally turn inward and say, let's to work. And in the year that I wrote this book, Self Help, I devoted the four step practice that's inside this book to my own internal condition. I lived it. I breathed it. I owned it. And now I am standing here with you, San Francisco, and I am new.

And that's what I want to bring to you tonight. I want to give you the gift of becoming new. I want to relieve you of the stronghold of the core beliefs that have been blocking you, holding you back, keeping you stuck, keeping you small, keeping you from attracting and manifesting the dream that [00:14:00] you truly desire.

I want to set you free. I can give you the story. I can give you the steps, but you're actually the ones that are going to set yourselves free tonight because that's why it's called self help, not Gabby help, self help.

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So are you familiar with those core beliefs? Those beliefs that have the storyline of I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. Anyone familiar with those core beliefs? Too familiar. I've gotten the front row too familiar. And some people might be like, well, I don't know, like I'm wondering like what's my core belief that's holding me back.

Maybe you're like, I don't know. Maybe you're just checked out from it. And so let me ask you a question. If anyone's wondering what belief you might want to work with tonight or what belief you might want to consider checking in with, why don't you ask yourself right now and answer me. I want you to speak back to me.

What is it that you want to manifest in this new year? Talk to me. What do you want to manifest? New job, inner peace. What else? Six pack, baby, freedom. What else? Community, love, self love. Yes. What else? What? Artistic voice. Is that what she said? Yes. Creativity. Yes. What else? Health. Nice. Okay. Now let me ask you another question.

What is [00:17:00] the belief that's blocking you from attracting that desire? I'm not worthy. I don't deserve it. I'm cursed. I'm too old. It's not meant for me. Fear. Beliefs. I can't trust people. My family history. Let me ask you, how long have those beliefs that you've been carrying been around my entire life? As long as I can remember.

How long? Generations. Yes. Yes. Legacy burdens, as we call it. Yes. What else? Anyone? Years. Years. Fifty years. So what if I told you that I created a four step practice that will set you free? I have the steps because I've lived them. I put the subtitle of this book is, this is your [00:18:00] chance to change your life.

This is your chance to change your life. I promise you that. I promise you that the steps, the four steps that I'm going to teach you tonight, the four steps that are the one method throughout this entire book are the steps that will change your life. They're the practices that will transform the way you perceive yourself on the inside.

Instead of thinking that there's some outside manifestation or some outside experience or some outside person that is going to save you, the true answer is it's an inner job. And then here's the cool thing, the real manifesting flex, my friends, we all want to manifest and attract. The real manifesting flex is to befriend the parts of yourself that don't believe you're worthy of what you desire.

Befriend these parts of ourselves. This book is based on the principles of a therapy that I've become trained in, a therapy [00:19:00] that I've practiced for 10 years almost, almost a decade with my own therapist. I was practicing this therapy called internal family systems therapy, and I, at the time when I was in it and I was with my therapist doing this, I didn't actually realize what it was.

I just knew that we were doing this thing that she did. And one afternoon in 2020, I was watching this YouTube video and on the video there was this man called Dr. Richard Schwartz. And he gets on the YouTube and he's talking about this therapy that he created. And as he's describing it, I'm literally looking at the screen and I'm like, that's the therapy I've been doing for seven years.

That's it. That's the thing. And so right there, I was really excited. I was like, I got to get this guy on my podcast. I just starting my podcast in 2021. I got him as the third person that came on Dear Gabby. Third interview I ever had. And so here I was, I was interviewing this incredible man and he joins me on the zoom screen and this energy is just beaming and he's like this childlike wonder and there's this calm nature and this creative force.

And I'm just feeling so lit up in his presence. And I looked at him and I was like, man, I love this [00:20:00] work so much. And my gift, my gift is to translate and demystify and democratize these great principles. And so I want to do this. And he looked at me. Kind of, you know, open with an open heart and he said, I think you can.

But I recommend that you go on and you get trained in this model. And so with his mentorship, I went and I applied and I was one of the last people with the blessing of being able to get this training that was not a therapist. I'm not a therapist, but I got trained in this therapy and I was one of the last humans to do it that isn't a licensed therapist.

So it was a blessing for me. I did hundreds of hours of training, level one, level two, and upon completion, I realized I'm ready to write this book. I've got the keys to the kingdom here and I have to give it. I have to deliver it. I have to make it available outside of the therapist's office so that you can have it for yourself.

Yes, you're welcome. And this therapy is based on the principles that we have many, many parts inside of us, an inner family, not an external family, it's about [00:21:00] the inner family of all of these young parts of ourselves who have been around forever. And when we were real young, when we were really young, we had these experiences, big T trauma, small T trauma.

It doesn't really matter how big or small the T was. We've experienced trauma, we've experienced events, maybe you were bullied on the playground or maybe you had an alcoholic parent, regardless of how extreme the trauma, we all had these moments in time where we were young and we did not have the ability or the capacity to process or work through or heal these moments.

And so what did we do? Right away we exiled those impermissible feelings. Feelings of terror, feelings of fear. We say, I can't feel that again, I'm never going to want to feel that again, unconsciously a little children. And immediately we began to protect ourselves. So if you didn't feel like you were seen as a child, immediately you're going to start to maybe be the perfectionist that everyone wants to see.

Or maybe in my case where I felt so out of control, I would just immediately try to [00:22:00] control my circumstances like nobody's business so that I could feel safe in a world where there was no sense of safety. As a little girl, I had this huge issue when my parents would put my hair in pigtails. I'd scream, the bumps, the bumps, I don't want the bumps in my hair.

And it was such a tragic moment for me. I think back to the little girl with the bumps and all she was trying to do is find a semblance of control in a world that was so out of control. We all have these moments where we were exiling those feelings and then picking up these protection mechanisms. And guess what?

Those protection mechanisms, when you all said, Oh yeah, these beliefs have been with me forever. They're protection mechanisms. They've been around for as long as you can remember because the moment that you felt you could not feel those impermissible feelings, the protectors showed up. And so this work is about befriending those protection mechanisms.

I'm not a therapist and I'm not in a one on one session and I'm not going to take you back to those exiled moments in time, but I am going to give you the relief of those. beliefs and [00:23:00] those protection mechanisms, those patterns and behaviors of controlling or avoiding or numbing out or drinking or avoiding through numbing out with a show or perfectionism or control or workaholism.

You know what they are. What are your protectors? Do you know those parts of you that are managing your life on a day to day basis? Are you familiar? Yeah. What are they? Sugar? Yes. Television, control, work, social media, shopping, playing small, dissociation, numbing out. We've all got them. What was it? Sleeping is a big one.

Yeah. Isolating, checking out, checking out. So instead of checking out, what if I told you I could teach you how to check in instead? The four step check in process. [00:24:00] Inside the pages of self help. This is a process of when you notice yourself in those moments, wanting to check out, right? You're in that moment where the rage is boiling, or you feel like your partner said that thing that just drives you insane.

And you're about to go off the wall. And instead of going off the wall, you run to the bathroom and you check in instead. I do this all the time, by the way, it's very embedded in my body. So I've got this process, which is checking in with these parts of us, and it's based on the principles of internal family systems therapy, but it's a self help practice that I created.

And it's about checking in and befriending these parts of yourself so that you stop checking out. And the more that you have maybe one minute a day of this four step check in, just checking in and checking in, the easier it is to access what is called self inside. These steps are designed to guide you back in towards your inner resource, self.

Self is like an inner parent. Self is like a inner guidance system. [00:25:00] Self is an inner healer. Self is an ever present energy within you and around you. Self described in the book by this beautiful quote that is from the incredible therapist Kranz, and he talks about self as the sun behind the clouds.

Clouds. And when the clouds begin to lift, the energy of the sun self begins to emerge. So self is in all of us. Self is inside all of us and self is waiting for all of us to allow it to move through us and self can emerge naturally. So before I teach you the four steps, I just wanna just address something that I know might be in the room.

You might be sitting here being like, you know Gabby, I kind of like thought I was coming here to like learn how to manifest. Right. Or, you know, I kind of wish that I could just like, you know, get that quick fix. Anyone want that quick fix? Well, not the front row. The front row is here ready to go. I mean, you guys are not quick fixers.

Okay. You are hardcore. Their books are in their [00:26:00] hands. They're just sitting here like, ready to go. Okay. But maybe you came here and you're like, sounds like a little bit of work. I don't know if I want to do the work. Well, let me just read to you about this. Okay. So here, let me just read you a passage from the book.

So there's a passage called core beliefs. Chapter 3, Core Beliefs. For nearly 20 years, I've been teaching spiritual principles and the power of manifesting. Over those years, I've noticed a common trend that many people tend to overlook the really deep inner work necessary for real, lasting change.

The hard truth is that although we can make surface level adjustments to our actions, true change can only happen when we heal from within and address the core beliefs that block us from manifesting the life we desire.

The negative beliefs from our past, our traumas, our suffering, and our pain, are all replayed in the present and projected onto the future. Beliefs such as, it's not safe to ask for what I want, I struggle with money, I'm not smart enough, or I'm not worthy of love, can [00:27:00] dominate our consciousness and manifest themselves in our reality.

We manifest what we believe. I get it. Most of us want a quick fix or an easy method for manifesting. We want a tool for attracting romance, abundance, or success. The desire for quick change is understandable, and sometimes quick change is even possible. That's because manifesting methods can improve your outlook, your attitude, and your energy, allowing you to attract certain desires into your life.

But once you attract what you want, can you keep it? Will you believe you're worthy of it? No. It doesn't last because lasting shifts require genuine, long lasting change, the kind of change that cracks you open to infinite possibilities and redirects your life. That change requires a deep dive inward.

When I was writing this chapter, I got a text, literally [00:28:00] in the moment when I'm writing the chapter, I get a text message from a friend. And this is a girlfriend who had been divorced, and then she did this whole manifesting work. She did my manifesting challenge, and she did all the manifesting, and she attracted her dream guy, everything that was on the list she attracted, and this man comes into her life, and she's, you know, all married up, and she's like, you know, showing the social media how she's got this great romance, and she manifests her love, and she texts me.

It's a few years into their marriage. I get the text. He wants a divorce. So I pick up the phone and I call her and I said, so honey, this is your opening. This is the moment where you can choose to change the beliefs that keep you in this pattern that keep you attracting the same type of partner and creating the same type of relationship.

This is your chance to change your life if you're willing to turn inward. And it wasn't the motivational talk that she was expecting, but it's exactly what she needed. The message that the real [00:29:00] change has to happen through an inner relationship to these parts of ourselves. And so I'm offering you all that gift tonight.

Let's start checking in. Let's start checking in. I'm going to guide you through the four steps. I'm going to give you an experience of these steps so that you can learn how to check in, undo the belief systems, heal those core beliefs, and genuinely manifest what you desire and keep it. You want that? All right.

So let's talk about the steps. The first is really just noticing whether you have a real awareness of that core belief that's blocking you. Maybe you have an awareness of it. Maybe you don't have an awareness of it, but you're aware that you have a pattern like controlling or you're aware that in certain situations you get super triggered or you're aware that certain politicians, you know, make you want to go and binge in the refrigerator or whatever that might be.

And so you have these patterns, protection mechanisms, behaviors, beliefs. Maybe, does anybody in the room have anxiety? Yeah, anxiety is a protector. Anybody have back pain? [00:30:00] Physical pain can even be a protector. Sometimes we focus. It doesn't mean that you're not having a physical symptom, but it's that maybe so much focus is on the pain so you don't have to actually feel the impermissible feelings of rage or inadequacy or fear.

And so when we start to witness ourselves through that lens of having these protection mechanisms and that we check out with them, we can start to say, okay, when I have enough space between the stimulus and the response, I'm going to try to choose to check in. And that's the first step. Choose to check in.

So you notice yourself, Oh my God, I just lost it on my neighbor because they did that thing again, and I'm gonna, I feel so bad about that, but instead of going to binge and get mad at myself, I'm gonna go check in instead. Or I'm about to send that email that's gonna be really, really scary. But you know what?

Instead, I'm gonna go check in before I even type. Okay? So you choose to check in. That's the first step, exercising the choice that in any given moment you have to choose to check out or you have the choice to check in. And sometimes we're so flooded that we can't do this, and that's why this is a practice [00:31:00] that you do and you do and you do.

And the more you do it, the more you check in, the more you expand that self energy inside and the easier it is to do it more often. So that's the first step. The second step is to become curious about the part of yourself that's activated. So you'd start offering curiosity questions. So you might focus your attention inward and you'd notice where it lives in your body and you'd notice what does it feel like inside or what do I know about this?

Are there any thoughts or feelings or sensations attached to this? What do I know about it? And once you feel like you have a little bit of a connection to that part of yourself, then you're going to ask that part of yourself. What do you need? And then the final step is you're going to check and you're going to see how you feel.

You're going to see and witness the shift inside and you'll notice, I'm actually not going to talk about what you're going to notice. I'm going to let you experience it. I'll teach you the fourth step. When we're done, you're going to reveal the fourth step to me. You ready for it?[00:32:00]

I am no stranger to gut issues, and I've found that knowledge is power, which is why I'm really happy that Zoe is our sponsor of today's show. Zoe is a science and nutrition company leading a movement to transform health of millions of people. And it should come as no surprise that a lot of foods that we eat are making us sick.

And Zoe's here to change that. Back by one of the largest microbiome databases and thIt's a few years into their marriage. I get the text. He wants a divorce. So I pick up the phone and I call her and I said, so honey, this is your opening. This is the moment where you can choose to change the beliefs that keep you in this pattern that keep you attracting the same type of partner and creating the same type of relationship.

This is your chance to change your life if you're willing to turn inward. And it wasn't the motivational talk that she was expecting, but it's exactly what she needed. The message that the real [00:29:00] change has to happen through an inner relationship to these parts of ourselves. And so I'm offering you all that gift tonight.

Let's start checking in. Let's start checking in. I'm going to guide you through the four steps. I'm going to give you an experience of these steps so that you can learn how to check in, undo the belief systems, heal those core beliefs, and genuinely manifest what you desire and keep it. You want that? All right.

So let's talk about the steps. The first is really just noticing whether you have a real awareness of that core belief that's blocking you. Maybe you have an awareness of it. Maybe you don't have an awareness of it, but you're aware that you have a pattern like controlling or you're aware that in certain situations you get super triggered or you're aware that certain politicians, you know, make you want to go and binge in the refrigerator or whatever that might be.

And so you have these patterns, protection mechanisms, behaviors, beliefs. Maybe, does anybody in the room have anxiety? Yeah, anxiety is a protector. Anybody have back pain? [00:30:00] Physical pain can even be a protector. Sometimes we focus. It doesn't mean that you're not having a physical symptom, but it's that maybe so much focus is on the pain so you don't have to actually feel the impermissible feelings of rage or inadequacy or fear.

And so when we start to witness ourselves through that lens of having these protection mechanisms and that we check out with them, we can start to say, okay, when I have enough space between the stimulus and the response, I'm going to try to choose to check in. And that's the first step. Choose to check in.

So you notice yourself, Oh my God, I just lost it on my neighbor because they did that thing again, and I'm gonna, I feel so bad about that, but instead of going to binge and get mad at myself, I'm gonna go check in instead. Or I'm about to send that email that's gonna be really, really scary. But you know what?

Instead, I'm gonna go check in before I even type. Okay? So you choose to check in. That's the first step, exercising the choice that in any given moment you have to choose to check out or you have the choice to check in. And sometimes we're so flooded that we can't do this, and that's why this is a practice [00:31:00] that you do and you do and you do.

And the more you do it, the more you check in, the more you expand that self energy inside and the easier it is to do it more often. So that's the first step. The second step is to become curious about the part of yourself that's activated. So you'd start offering curiosity questions. So you might focus your attention inward and you'd notice where it lives in your body and you'd notice what does it feel like inside or what do I know about this?

Are there any thoughts or feelings or sensations attached to this? What do I know about it? And once you feel like you have a little bit of a connection to that part of yourself, then you're going to ask that part of yourself. What do you need? And then the final step is you're going to check and you're going to see how you feel.

You're going to see and witness the shift inside and you'll notice, I'm actually not going to talk about what you're going to notice. I'm going to let you experience it. I'll teach you the fourth step. When we're done, you're going to reveal the fourth step to me. You ready for it?[00:32:00]

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So my friends in the back, let's bring in the music. Let's gently close our eyes.

And just notice right now the belief that you want to work with tonight. Maybe it's a belief, maybe it's a feeling. Maybe it's a sensation inside, maybe it's a protection mechanism like control or fear. Notice what you want to check in with right now.

And now focusing your attention inward, let's choose to check in. With your attention focused inside, notice where that belief or protector lives inside your body.[00:36:00]

What does it feel like?

Does it have a shape? or a color.

Are there any thoughts or sensations attached to it?

What do you know about it?

As you continue to check in, are there any images or thoughts connected to it that it wants to reveal?

And as you notice a little bit of connection to this part of you, let it reveal what it wants you to know.

Connecting a little bit more closely now, place your hand on that area of your body where you feel that part of you. And offer it some breath, take a deep breath in, and release.[00:37:00]

And now ask that part of you, what do you need?

Ask what do you need? And just listen, listen, listen to what is revealed.

And now take another deep breath in, extending some more breath to this part of you now. Breathing in, and breathing out. Noticing this now, the fourth step, checking, do you feel a bit more calm?

Do you feel a little bit of connection to the part of you? Notice how you feel. Take another deep breath in and let it go. Letting that part know that you're [00:38:00] here. Part know that it's safe inside.

Continue to give it a little bit more breath.

And when you're ready, just open your eyes to the room.

How do you feel?

How do you feel? Calm. Better. Integrated. How do you feel up there?

Calm, grounded, lighter, peaceful, uplifted, full [00:39:00] and whole, connected, powerful. Do you feel compassion towards yourself?

You know, the, the, the music was the wrong music. I've teed up a different song both times, in New York and here, and this song keeps coming through. I have no idea what's going on. This song wants to come through. The song was sad, huh? Can we do it again? No, no. The truth is, is that you would feel sad. You know why?

Because it's the first time that you've connected to the little child inside of you that's been begging for your attention for decades. So, it's not a bad sad, it's a real sad. It's a real sad. Sometimes compassion and sad can coexist. It's, it's, it's, it's a, it's a sense of, of, of witnessing. What was that?[00:40:00]

Catharsis. Exactly. It's a cathartic moment. Because when we start to recognize, Oh my God, this part of me that's been inside me working so, so hard to protect me for so, so long, and shamed that part of yourself. You know, I think about the part of me, you know, I've been, I've been sober now, 19. and a half years.

And I can now have so much compassion for the cocaine addict. I love her. I have so much compassion for her. I can witness her in my mind's eye and I'm just like, girl, you were doing the best you could to stay safe. You were doing the best you could to push down impermissible feelings, dissociated memories.

You know, I had trauma that I didn't remember until I was 36 years old. Of course I would be a drug addict. Of course, because that trauma was just banging inside of me and I was going to do whatever it took to put out the fire of those flames and just [00:41:00] protect against it. So yeah, it's, it's heavy, it's, it's, it's, it's kind of sad.

To witness, but it's liberating to know, my friends, that self is inside, that safety is inside, that the presence of calm, connection, self is these eight C qualities, calm, connected, curious, clarity, creativity, confidence, courage. I always forget the other one, but we heard it in this room. I heard compassion.

I heard connection. I heard calm, wholeness. When we connect to that presence of self, self is like the Buddha nature. Self is like the God within us. Self is the ever present energy of love within us and around us. It is guiding us. It's protecting us. It never left us. Self is the sun behind the clouds, and when we witness those clouds, when we befriend those clouds, those clouds can be removed naturally and those clouds can just shift and the sun can emerge.

And we all have [00:42:00] that self waiting to be there for us. And so what happens when you practice these four steps? When you practice these four steps, one minute a day, that's my prescription for you, San Francisco, one minute a day or more with these four steps, you crack open the book and you practice the four steps.

And if you check in once a day for one minute, the more you start to check in, the more you access self and the more you access that presence of that self energy inside of you, the more that self can help self help. That self energy is. the most incredible experience. And some of you may be familiar with it.

Maybe you've had the experience of self in Shavasana. Maybe you've had the experience of self when you're creating, when you're making art. Maybe you've had the experience of self when you just embrace a friend that you haven't seen for years and you just have that connection and that curiosity.

How are you?

What's going on with you? That clarity, that moment when you're in the flow state. You can live in [00:43:00] that state, my friends. There's a beautiful message from A Course in Miracles. There's a way of living in the world that is not here, though it seems to be. You do not change appearance, but you smile more frequently.

Your eyes are soft and your forehead is serene. You can live this way. You can live in this world with all of its limitations, with all of its fear, with all of its division, and you can choose to perceive it through the lens of possibility. You can choose to see the world through the lens of creativity.

You can choose to live in a way where you return to the childlike wonder. Because who are we returning to when we heal these parts of ourselves? We're returning to the original role, the child inside, the childlike wonder. You know, I've been practicing this so much. I was at dinner about a month and a half ago with a girlfriend, and I was looking at the menu, and I was like, Oh my God, I love this menu.

I love the abuela's chicken [00:44:00] soup, and I would love to get the tacos after that. And can I please have a kombucha? I really want a kombucha. And I was looking at the menu, just like, just devouring the menu. And he's like, oh, you need to get this so I can have a bite of it. And my girlfriend looks at me and she goes, Gabby, you don't really have fun with life, don't you?

And I almost fell out of my chair, because I can't tell you how long I have not been having fun in life. Because of these beliefs, these core beliefs hold us back so much that we actually lose the joy, we lose the childlike wonder, we've lost track of the fun, and the fun, the joy, that is the most creative force within us, that joy within us is the ultimate creator.

And so as this moment of witnessing, oh my god, she just reflected back to me that I'm fun, I'm in the moment, I'm present. Last weekend I stayed in bed and I just relaxed and I, my chief of staff who's traveling with me, Jessica, she and I have been in such a chronic state of parts just being [00:45:00] protectors, protectors, trying to move things along and finally we're both healing, we're becoming new and we sat in bed and we watched two movies.

And we didn't go anywhere. I mean, this is a miracle, guys. The miracle isn't, you know, that, oh, this big thing happened. The miracle is that I'm in bed watching a movie, okay? That childlike wonder is the promise of these steps. And how will you use these steps? Okay, so you'll feel anxious and you'll be like, oh, Gabby told me I could check in with my anxiety.

There's actually an entire chapter called Anxious Parts, or you're going to feel that back pain. And you're like, okay. I'm going to go down the spiral. The back pain's there again. I'm going to freak out. But instead, you're like, Gabby told me that there's a chapter called body parts and I can choose to check in with my back pain and maybe I'll find relief.

I promise you all. I promise you. I promise you. I promise you that if you have physical pain, you check in with the pain. You're going to feel relief. Okay. It doesn't mean you stop doing your medical path. No, I am not Dr. Bernstein. I'm Gabby Bernstein. But I will tell you that you will feel relief and it will aid you in all of your physical symptoms [00:46:00] because you're releasing tension.

You're releasing stress. You're releasing the stronghold. That sympathetic nervous system, just fight or flight, and then this relief starts to happen and then you want a little bit more of it and then you open your heart to it more and then you know what? You sort of just kind of start having more compassion for other people because you look at them and you're like, Oh, they're acting out, they're protecting themselves.

And you start to see your children through a different lens and you can apply these four steps with your children. It's just, it's a miracle. It's a true miracle. And so while you think it's a lot of work, you know, I don't want to do the work, right? Like you don't have to do the work. Well, I found that my devotional commitment to the inner work has been the greatest gift because now I can stand here 45 years old
about on New Year's Eve.

I had a miracle. I was sitting in my kitchen, and I kind of think that I bottomed myself out with the story of if I don't do it, nobody else will. My team are in the room, and God bless you. I literally launched a book, launched [00:47:00] my manifesting challenge, launched a book tour, and submitted another book to Audible all on New Year's Eve.

Like, what? So, you know, it was this moment of just this culmination of, if I don't do it, nobody else will, or I gotta control everything, and I just bottomed out with it, and I was sitting in the kitchen, and my husband's like, how was your day, and I was just about to, the words were about to come out of my mouth, the same replay, repurposed words of, oh, so much going on, and I couldn't even say the words.

They couldn't come out of my mouth. And then all of a sudden I felt this energy and this calmness come over me and my body started to shift and I started to feel this presence around me and I knew this familiar presence. It was a spiritual presence and I felt this energy surrounding me and it was the energy of my late mentor, Dr. Wayne Dyer.

And Wayne, who's here tonight, around me and I hear this inner voice say, I'll take you from here.
Just tears just [00:48:00] fell down my face because when we're not in self. And we're in our parts, we're disconnected from source, we're disconnected from the spiritual realm because we're so in this worldly realm working so hard to protect and protect and protect that we forget the divine guidance that is available to us at all times.

Connecting to self offers you the opportunity to let the world off the hook and to let yourself off the hook. And it is my privilege and my honor to be your teacher tonight and to provide you with these tools. Because this is your chance to change your life. You ready for it?

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you're truly committed to miracles. I'm really proud of you. If you want to get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode. Make [00:49:00] sure to subscribe so you don't miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience at this show means a lot to me, so I really want to welcome you to leave an honest review.

And you can follow me on social media at Gabby Bernstein. And if you want to get in on the action, sign up for a chance to be Dear Gabby'd live at DearGabby.com. See you next week. Gabby. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

Hi there, Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I'm not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health [00:50:00] professional.