free meditation
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A few years ago, I was stunned to find out that a spiritual community I trusted was anything but trustworthy. I wasn’t just stunned. I was blindsided and deeply disappointed. 

It was an experience I’ll never forget, and it’s one I’ve never shared before.

On this episode of Dear Gabby, it’s time. 

And you know what? It’s truly what the Universe had in store. I switched things up today by starting with a Q&A to see what themes would arise. 

The questions led me to some of the spiritual principles that have had a profound impact on my life, and I’m excited to share those with you. And then they led me to open up about a time when spiritual teachers misused their power and did not speak truth. Those were the challenging themes and stories that showed up.

Here’s the thing, though: Love showed up strongest. That’s what’s real. 

listen now

reconnecting with your purpose

If you’re struggling to reconnect to your spirituality, and fear seems to meet you at every turn, you need to hear about Brian’s efforts to move more fully into his mission.

If you’ve been wronged by people you trusted, especially if they were part of your spiritual journey, we’ve got some healing to do.

gabby

And we’re going to do it together. 

Diana called in, grappling with this exact issue, and it prompted me to open up about my own difficult experience—and how I chose to hold onto my spiritual truth. I’m not letting the humans who caused harm take that away from me.

You don’t have to either. 

how to know who to trust

It’s time to check in with yourself. I’ll walk you through it.

I also share this process in my Audible Original You Are the Guru: 6 Messages to Help You Move Through Difficult Times with Certainty and Faith.

In this episode, we’ll talk about how to separate what is real—love, always and only—from what isn’t.

But how do you know the real deal when you see it? Everybody’s got a microphone these days, but the question is whether they have done the work to earn it. Are they speaking from a place of love? Or is it ego talking?

If you’ve been disappointed by spiritual communities and “gurus” who have done you wrong, listen to this episode for support.

Please remember this: When we listen to and live by our own inner guidance system, we become the guru of our own lives.

the power of love

Tune into my talk to learn how to use the lens of love to transform fear, receive the miracle and reconnect with your truth.

in this episode, I’ll share how to:
  • Return to a place of love, even when fear tries to stand in the way
  • Stop fear from calling the shots
  • Move forward when people let you down, without losing the core truth that resonated with you
  • Steer clear of harmful “gurus” and anyone teaching from a place of ego
  • Know who to trust

Do you recognize your truth when you hear it? How do you separate it from your own fear, or from people who disappoint you? This episode is more controversial than most, but we’re going there. 

We’re getting real, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to speak my own truth.

I hope you’ll meet me in this moment.

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disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #130 Apr 10, 2023 spiritual connection 32 min

why you need to watch out for gurus

Listen on:

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Hi there, Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I’m not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

April is alcohol awareness month, and this is very meaningful to me. If you know me, you know that I’m about 17 and a half years sober at this point, and if it were not for my sober recovery, I don’t know where I would be. I definitely would not be here speaking with you, Dear Gabby-ing you, supporting you in this way.

And throughout my sobriety, I’ve had the real privilege of being able to be in the service of others and work with dozens of organizations and share my own journey and my own experience of sobriety. And most recently, I joined the board of a organization called McCall Behavioral Health Network. With over 50 years of experience treating substance use and mental health disorders, they truly and deeply understand the path of substance use as a coping mechanism for unresolved pain.

And that’s why I am so thrilled to be working with this organization to support them, to help them show up for others. 17.6 million people or one in every 12 adults suffer from alcohol use disorder, and more than half of all adults have a family history of problem drinking. Alcohol use is on the rise, especially among women, and that’s why I really wanna come out today and support McCall during this month.

McCall Behavioral Health Network is a nonprofit organization for individuals of all ages and families across Connecticut. And here’s the reason why I chose to be on the board at McCall. McCall supports everyone’s journey. Everyone that walks in the door will receive help and services—period. So that’s why I’m asking you to consider donating today.

You’ll be helping people transform their lives and giving hope to so many people who at one time or another have felt hopeless. Go to deargabby.com/donate today. Make a contribution, even if it’s just a dollar. That dollar can go towards helping a human being transform their life. Remember, anyone that walks in their doors will receive services.

Thank you so much in advance for your support. Go to deargabby.com/donate to give today.

Hey there. Welcome to Dear Gabby. I’m your host Gabby Bernstein, and if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you’re ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let’s get started.

Welcome back, my friends. Welcome back to Dear Gabby. Ah, this is a, this is a big show for me today. This is a courageous, brave show. I am speaking out about something that I haven’t ever spoken about publicly, and it’s something that has affected a lot of people, not just me. But it’s, it’s been a while since I’ve felt safe enough to really speak about this, and when I sat down to record this episode, I did not intend for this all to come out.

So here’s what happened. I decided that I was gonna switch things up a little bit by starting with a q and a and let the q and a show me where the episode would go. And this guest came on and she shared about how she had this disappointment in one of her spiritual leaders and her asking me this question opened the door for me to very vulnerably and authentically speak about my own experience of a lot of sadness, witnessing a guru fall.

In my spiritual practice, I have had a lot of different spiritual paths that were really meaningful to me, and two of them really were quite disappointing in the end. And in this episode, I address guru culture. And this conversation that we had led me a bit further to open up about the time in my life when spiritual teachers really misused their power.

And I have a lot of rage and anger about it, but I really channeled it in a good way for this episode. And so in today’s episode, I’m addressing guru culture. And how we have to really be conscious and aware of when someone calls themself a guru. And what happens when that guru falls? When we make idols of people, we set ourself up for failure.

So as you can imagine, this is a pretty controversial episode. And today I’m finally breaking my silence about guru culture. And for years I’ve been really quiet about this because it’s been shameful for me. And today I’m gonna really share why I wanna protect you and support in not making a guru of anyone and trusting that you are your guru, you are your greatest teacher of all.

So listen to what comes through. Like I said, it’s a little controversial. I’m going there. I’m discussing a topic I’ve never discussed before and it feels, feels like this is the right moment. It definitely came through exactly when it was meant to, and I trust that, and I’m happy I can share it with you from this grounded place.

So enjoy the show.

GABBY: All right, let’s bring in the first guest. Brian’s back.

BRIAN: Hello, Gabby.

GABBY: We’re back. We’re back. We’re back with Brian. Yep. I like my repeats.

BRIAN: Gabby, it’s so great to see you.

GABBY: What’s going on? How you doing?

BRIAN: I’m doing great. I connected with you since you started on Instagram Dear Gabby, we spoke a couple times. And then last year I was on and we pulled a card on the show and it was incredible.

And it was just such, such a beautiful, beautiful gift. And what I wanna share with you today, then it might tie into my question, is you had sent out, it was in November, about the five minute guided meditation that will change your life. It was about knowing everything was being taken care of. And so I was listening to it every single morning.

And then on Christmas Eve, my mother was taken seriously ill and I had to fly back. I was out of the country back to Boston, and on New Year’s Eve I was in a car waiting for her ambulance to arrive to a rehab after just going through a massive procedure.

And before I went in, I listened to that beautiful meditation and at the end of that, it brought me so much peace and it was a deep shift inside of me that New Year’s Eve. It simply was, this is all about a mission of love.

GABBY: Mission of love, nice.

BRIAN: And over the next few weeks with my mom going there and you know, I was able to work for a couple weeks, was able to have the freedom to be able to do that.

Everything was about love and it brought so much joy. The energy, what it brought in, it was just absolutely amazing.

GABBY: Beautiful.

BRIAN: And now that I’m back and I’m, you know, things are settling with my mom and different things, I’m back into my own work. And I feel I want to bring that mission of love even more deeply into my own work.

GABBY: Okay.

BRIAN: And I feel that happening, but at the same time, I find my mind gets in the way a little bit of, oh, okay, here I am. What’s the next step to do on this? And it just, I don’t know. I’m just trying to allow it. And so any insights you might have on how to more deeply to allow that mission of love to more unfold with ease into my professional work that I would welcome to hear insights.

GABBY: So my friend and mentor, Marianne Williamson, wrote the book, A Return to Love, and it’s based on the principles of the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles. And the premise of the Course is through the experience of forgiveness, we can have that shift in our perception and live miracles in our life, experience miracles in our life.

And so, what you’re describing is leaning into love, which is the shift in your perception, which is a miracle. And so the course teaches that the ego, the fear of voice, you said, the thoughts in my mind will speak first and loud. So we have to just become open and willing to accept that fear voice is gonna be there, loud, proud, trying to take us down, doing pushups while we sleep.

And with that acceptance we can laugh as the Course would say. Laugh at the ego’s tiny, mad ideas. Laugh at the ego’s tiny, mad ideas and return to love. And as Marianne would say, return to love. The way that we return to love is in that moment. Be the witness of the fear and choose again. Be the witness of the fear, and listen to that meditation that you love.

Be the witness of that fear and say a prayer. Be the witness of that fear and listen to an episode of Dear Gabby. Be the witness of that fear and ground yourself in a walk or a meditation. Be the witness of that fear and have a cup of tea. Be the witness of that fear and call a friend. Because each time you have the bravery to step away from the cycle of the fear and witness it, witness it, witness it through that lens of love, you can then choose again and that new perspective, that new energy, that new thought, that’s the miracle.

So thank you so much for coming on and we are doing this show as a backwards show where we did the Q and A’s first so that I could decide what the intro is gonna be and what the theme is gonna be. And so you’ve given me my theme.

BRIAN: Beautiful.

GABBY: How to transform fear and receive the miracle.

BRIAN: Hmm. Beautiful.

And it really was, I mean it with all my heart. There I am. Obviously everything shifted having to return back from my mom, and I knew it was hard, right? I knew it was the right thing, but I’m like, oh, I didn’t expect to be here in the cold and all these things.

GABBY: Right.

BRIAN: And it was a miracle. It was one of the most beautiful gifts.

GABBY: Brian, sometimes we can go through the most difficult experiences and have the most profound journey. It’s beautiful. I also just wanna feed back to you. I’ve seen you a few times now and I love to see people coming back and back and back to the show because I get to see your journey and your energy’s changed.

You’ve shifted, you’ve grounded, you’ve landed in more authentic truth around this. Believe it. You’re receiving it. I’m proud of you. Keep it up, man. Thank you. Thanks for coming back.

[AD BREAK]

Dear Gabby is sponsored by Better Help. I know I’ve said this before, but I really want you to hear me when I say that. Getting to know myself has been the absolute greatest gift of my life, and this is a very, very, very serious topic because we come onto this show, we start to do this deeper work, and we start to crack open to these different possibilities and listening to our inner self, and then we need to take it to the next level.

And that next level is working with a therapist. I’ve had the privilege of being in therapy for over two decades, and it has greatly, greatly supported my life, and I look forward to my weekly therapy session every single week. And I would not be who I am today without it.

Therapy’s about deepening your self-awareness and your understanding because sometimes we don’t know what we want or why we react the ways that we react or why we have the addictive pattern that we have. And Better Help makes it incredibly easy to take that first step. Better Help connects you with a licensed therapist who can take you on that journey of self-discovery from wherever you are. So if you’re thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try.

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Visit better help.com/deargabby today to get 10% off your first month. That’s betterhelp.com/deargabby.

This totally blew my mind when I learned this fact. I was shocked. 90% of your skincare goes to waste because it gets wiped or sweated off before absorbing into your skin. That’s why I’m so excited to introduce you to this new product I’ve been using, Droplette. Their award-winning handheld device transforms serums into a high velocity micro mist that absorbs into the skin 20 times deeper than topicals, where the ingredients actually do some good.

The device pairs with the Droplette’s mobile app to unleash the most powerful, deeply-penetrating results and lets you personalize your skincare routine with targeted treatment. And the great thing about Droplette is that you can choose from any array of serums that best suit your skincare needs. You choose a formulation capsule, kind of like a pod, so you can use it to infuse the treatments that are right for you into, and not just onto your skin.

And then you just start misting. It’s just really cool that you just start misting your face, like going to the spa in your bathroom. It’s that easy and it’s really fun to use. So I’ve made Droplette part of nightly routine, my morning routine. And it’s a ritual for me now. It’s kind of like taking myself to a little spa treatment and droplet delivers a powerful treatment into your skin in under 60 seconds, and so I use it twice a day, once in the morning, once at night.

It’s totally part of my routine. I’m really feeling like I’m getting the most out of my skincare now, and it’s the ultimate self-care experience, right from the comfort of your home. For a limited time, listeners can get 50% off your Droplette device droplette.io and use code Gabby. That’s d r o p l e t t e.io. Code Gabby.

[END AD BREAK]

GABBY: Who’s next? Hi Diana.

DIANA: Hi.

GABBY: How you doing?

DIANA: I’m doing really well listening to you, so that makes my day.

GABBY: Great. I’m happy to help you today.

DIANA: My sister and I both did, just finished doing the 21 days with you, and it was pretty profound for both of us. My question for you, I have done A Course of Miracles and read the books, and I did work with other quote unquote spiritual leaders that were not of your caliber, but what ended up happening was, was people that were using the work in a not positive way.

GABBY: Mm-hmm.

DIANA: Which left, left me with a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak. And I find it colors my…colors my thinking when I’m listening to things and trying to move into a positive mindset, I go back to like, oh, well that happened. And ahh, I remember that person saying that or doing that. And it’s like, mm, do I really wanna listen to that again?

Is that a good thing? So I wanna. I guess what I wanna do, and I find this with even growing up and hearing things and knowing that as you get older, oh, that was not a good way to go to do things. How to move away from what you know is a negative mindset into a positive one, and not take on stuff that happened, bad things that happened in the past and bring it into the future.

GABBY: Yeah. As it relates to the abuse of spiritual power, is that kind of what I’m.

DIANA: I would say so, yeah, like, I mean, I dunno if I’d call ’em spiritual power, but just people using the work.

GABBY: Teachers who might use spirituality in an ego way.

DIANA: That’s a nice way to put, yeah.

GABBY: Well, you know, it’s interesting that I brought up A Course in Miracles as the messaging for this episode, because the principles of A Course in Miracles are the througline of all spiritual faith. Which is that through the experience of love, we can have a miracle, and that we can suspend our disbelief through a spiritual connection, through turning over our fears to a loving presence beyond our own. And experience forgiveness and miracles. All of that has been the throughline of my life.

But that messaging, when it is void of the human experience can be kind of dangerous.

DIANA: Mm-hmm.

GABBY: Right? And can be used in ways for power like you’ve seen with your, your former teachers can be overlooking or shaming the human experience. And so, I have this experience of having been a devotee of many spiritual paths.

Several of which, not A Course in Miracles, but two of which I won’t speak of because of the leadership and the horrific shame that now is carried with that lineage. But that doesn’t take away the core message of the spiritual faith. It doesn’t take away from the principle of choosing love.

And so yes, there are teachers and healers and you know, I’m doing air quotes now, like self-proclaimed gurus.

DIANA: Thank you. Yeah, cuz that’s definitely…

GABBY: …self-proclaimed gurus. You know, anytime somebody tries to call me a guru, I’m like, no, no. Self-proclaimed gurus that God bless them are seeking and searching and using the principles in a way that is destructive.

DIANA: But using it for power instead of saying…

GABBY: …using it for power, using it for destruction, using it for financial gain, all of the above. But my love, don’t let it take away the message. Don’t let it take away the message. And that’s really moving to me right now. I could almost bring me to tears.

Because he energy that I’m gonna be open right now. Let’s go there. I found God on a yoga mat in a yoga class. And I got behind that. I signed up for the training two days later. I went all the way through hundreds of hours of training. I taught it. I was spokesperson for it, only to find that the man behind it was a violent sexual predator, financial stuff.

It just goes on and on and on. Rapist on and on, and so let’s just get controversial here on Dear Gabby. Why are we gonna be quiet? Let’s talk about it.

DIANA: Mm-hmm.

GABBY: I was a devotee of the work of a Brazilian medium who will remain nameless, but you know, anyone who’s in the spiritual world knows who he is.

And had had extraordinary spiritual awakening and connection in Brazil at the Casa with which this man performed his spiritual work, right? For years. It cracked me open. I wrote about it in books. It gave me a direct line to my guides. Only to, just days after I gave birth to my son, find out that this man too was a violent sexual predator, terrible human.

But even in the midst of witnessing the violence, the terror, the horrific audit and recap of what these humans did, I’m not gonna let them take away the spiritual experience. I’m not gonna let them ruin my awakening.

[AD BREAK]

I’m a bath girl—literally love a bath. It is my sacred time of the day. It’s like a meditation for me. I light a candle. I have all my bath products. I just get into it. Every part of the process is precious to me, and you know me. When I find something that I love to do, I have to share about it. So I’ve added to my bath ritual, Tree Hut—the creators of America’s number one body scrub.

And they just released this new line of hydrating gel washes. I have all my Tree Hut products lined up right along my bath, and the only way that I can describe them is skin quenching. Really. It’s just like this experience of being able to have this beautiful scent.

My husband follows me around the house. He’s like, you smell so good. I just started using the Tree Hut hydrating gel washes, and it’s changed the way I bathe. I just look forward to getting into the bath, and I put the product on and I just relax in the bath. The gel washes are infused with fruit oil complex that delivers this heavy dose of hydration leaving my skin incredibly smooth and soft.

And you wouldn’t believe, I literally have been telling all of my friends to use this product. I’m getting text messages like thanking me, being like, I smell so good, I feel so hydrated. And all of the Tree Hut washes are formulated with hydrating oil complex that plumps my skin with renewing antioxidants, brightening vitamin C and nourishing rich fatty acids.

And it’s also great for getting my skin super clean and I can’t imagine taking a bath without it. So my friends, complete your shower or bath routine with Tree Hut Hydrating Gel Wash. Shop at Target, Walmart, and Alta in-store and online.

[END AD BREAK]

GABBY: And so, I want this topic, while it is highly controversial, to really resonate with the listener. That sometimes, you might be guided to something that feels true for you, but the person delivering the message is not in their truth.

DIANA: No. Their intention is not there.

GABBY: And I’ve turned my back on these faiths. I’ve turned my back.

I’m gonna be really brutally honest. I turned my back on the community. I feel blindsided. I felt lied to. Turned my back on the community in Brazil, but my heart is still connected to the awakenings that I had.

DIANA: Yeah, that’s true. I did, uh, have awakenings in the Course in Miracles, within that circle.

GABBY: Correct! So let’s go back to that.

DIANA: Definitely had, yeah, yeah. Ah, had, yeah, yeah. Found out some pretty deep stuff.

GABBY: That’s right. So you may have experienced the work of these teachers who were not in their right mind and in their ego, but there was awakening that you experienced. And so, we don’t pardon the behavior. But we can in our heart, look for the love, look for the awakening that was there for us.

DIANA: Yeah. I think for me, what I tell people is, the thing that got me was the pardon in my French on here. The mind f*ck. Using the word to screw you up so that you’re like. Oh, you’re not being trusting and you’re not being loving.

GABBY: What you’re saying is really important because, you know, A Course in Miracles is forgiveness and love and shifting your thinking, but if someone has raped you or someone has abused you, we don’t wanna stick around.

DIANA: No.

GABBY: No, the work may be that we ultimately choose forgiveness so that we don’t carry the burden of that harm, but that does not mean that we don’t care for ourselves. That doesn’t mean that we don’t ask for justice, and that doesn’t mean that I will say the name of these teachers ever again. I will not give their name breath.

DIANA: Hmm. Yeah. I like that too.

GABBY: Right? And so, listen. Anyone out there who calls themselves a guru, run the other way. Okay, my love? And trust that you were guided to these practices, to open you up to something and that those messengers at the time were all that you had to have that experience.

DIANA: There was good, there was some good that I got out of it, but then it turned to not good, so then I walked away from it. But on a happy note, I started doing this over 20 years ago, and your meditations are the only meditations that I can actually meditate to.

GABBY: Oh, beautiful.

DIANA: Yeah. So, and I think that’s the intention behind them, and that’s why I can do that. So thank you.

GABBY: That’s right. That’s right. I’m not your guru. I’m a raconteur. I have stories to share and experiences to offer, and my intention is to serve you, but truly my intention is to crack you open to how you can serve yourself.

DIANA: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

GABBY: I am happy that I’ve been able to support you in these ways, and I also wanna recognize that the truth within you is what feels that truth within me.

DIANA: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

GABBY: And I wanna thank you for bringing up a topic that I probably wouldn’t have brought up on my own, because it’s time, I’m gonna call it out. There are spiritual communities that have done a lot of harm. And we are living in a time where nothing can be hidden. Nothing.

DIANA: No.

GABBY: So if we’re gonna show up in the world—publicly or not—we’re gonna show up with integrity.

DIANA: Totally.

GABBY: There’s room for mistakes, but there isn’t room for harm.

DIANA: That’s good. I love that.

GABBY: Yeah. I’m gonna close the show on that now. Thank you. We started the show with a question, and the question led to the spiritual principles that have had a profound impact on my life—the principles of a metaphysical text, A Course in Miracles, which led to the next question about teachers of these spiritual faiths and how those teachers at times and many times and far too often, misuse their power and teach from a place of ego rather than love. Which is quite the opposite of the teachings.

And these two people who came through were beautiful guides for me to finally speak up and speak truth to my own experience of feeling terribly blindsided, broken, disappointed, and harmed in many ways by spiritual communities that did not speak truth. I am not gonna name names.

I’m not going to blame or shame, but I’m gonna warn. I’m gonna warn people to make sure that in your heart you trust who you are following. You trust the messages that you are being led to. Everybody’s got a microphone these days, but the question is, have they done the work to have their voice be amplified? So checking in as you show up for your own spiritual practice, checking in with yourself.

Does this person resonate?

Does this book resonate? Do these teachings resonate? Do I trust the human behind the message? And humans have mistakes. Humans can make mistakes, but when it comes to being a leader or a teacher in a spiritual community, there’s no room for harm. There’s room for mistakes, but there’s no room for harm.

And so, if you’ve been amongst those communities and you’ve been disappointed by those communities, those gurus behind the messages that have done a lot of harm, I’m gonna ask you to look to your own heart and look to the love that you experienced in those practices and the core messages of those practices, and release the attachment to the fear and the human and return to the message, the message that only love is real.

So to close this episode, I’m gonna thank you for listening. I’m gonna thank you for recognizing your truth in these messages. I’m gonna thank you for making a commitment to being on a spiritual path that is integrous and has commitment to serve and to love, and not to harm.

For those of you out there who are perceiving themselves as spiritual teachers, thank you for your commitment, and I’m gonna ask you to really consistently look inward. What are my intentions? What are my intentions? What are my intentions? When you notice that your ego is in the way, do whatever it takes to get back to consciousness.

If your ego’s in the way, put down the microphone, turn off the zoom, get off the call, get back into alignment, because we can’t mess with the energy. When we have the desire to be in the service of others through spiritual faith, which is anyone that’s listening to the show. You know, you’re gonna carry the message in your own ways.

You have to make sure you’re doing it through the energy of love, not through the energy of ego. It’s really important. So while you are here listening as a student, you’re also a teacher cuz you’re teaching in your home and you’re teaching in your bedroom at night when you’re talking to your husband or your girlfriend or your wife or whoever. And you’re teaching in your office and you’re teaching on your commute; that’s the meaning of being a miracle worker.

You’re out in the world carrying the messages of love. So I wanna make sure that this episode has given you the desire to live and lead from truth and love, and to be committed to checking in regularly with where you are leading from. As long as you know you are leading from a place of truth, then you can trust that whatever comes through is exactly as it needs to be.

Thank you for joining me today on Dear Gabby.

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you’re truly committed to miracles. I’m really proud of you. If you wanna get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode.

Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience at this show means a lot to me, so I really wanna welcome you to leave an honest review and you can follow me on social media at @GabbyBernstein.

And if you wanna get in on the action, sign up for a chance to be Dear Gabby’d live deargabby.com. See you next week.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.