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why healing relationships is a spiritual assignment

All relationships are spiritual assignments for our optimal growth, learning and healing. I deeply believe that. 

Each relationship we cultivate plays a pivotal role in that journey of self-growth, reflecting our personal strengths and weaknesses like a mirror. It is through these reflections that we’re able to identify the areas within us that still need healing. 

I said it was an assignment—I didn’t say it was an easy one! But it is well worth taking on. 

In this episode of Dear Gabby, I break down the root cause of relationship disturbances and explain what healing relationships really takes—in other words, what we need to look at the most. 

I also get into how to integrate what we learn going forward so that we can attract and sustain healthier relationships. 

the role of attachment in healing relationships

A secure internal environment is pivotal for healthy relationships. However, according to renowned psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel (one of my go-to sources for understanding these complex interpersonal issues), the security we seek in relationships—particularly during our formative childhood years—comes from feeling safe, being seen and being soothed. Those three things (or the absence of them) determine our attachment wounds, which can interfere with our ability to build healthy relationships. 

the first step in healing relationships 

Given that, it’s not surprising that healing relationships first requires understanding our past experiences and working toward resolving the emotional and energetic disturbances they have created. 

It’s less about experiencing a breakthrough moment in a therapy session and more about engaging in a continuous spiritual inquiry of our past experiences. As Dr. Siegel puts it, we must get intimately acquainted with our personal evolutionary history of attachment—that is the first step in healing relationships.

the mother of all healing methods 

We know that unresolved trauma and wounds can lead to self-sabotage, where fear of re-experiencing past hurt leads us to inadvertently (or unconsciously) damage our relationships.

acknowledging and addressing our wounds is an essential part of building healthy and fulfilling relationships 

One of the best ways I have found to do this work is through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a method that was developed by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, in the 1980s that views the mind as a collection of parts, each with its own characteristics and perceptions. The ultimate objective is to foster harmony among these parts in the pursuit of self-growth. 

in this episode, you’ll learn:

I have experienced the life-changing impact of IFS and uncovering my attachment style—and now I’m committed to sharing all I’ve learned with you, so you can end the cycle of unhappy, unsatisfying relationships and form deeper connections. 

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    The perfect follow-up action to this episode is listening to the Healing Relationships meditation in the app. Check it out!
  • If you want to learn more about healing yourself as a first step to healing relationships, check out my book Happy Days.
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This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.